


Rewrite The Stars

by Polkadotdotdot



Category: Star Wars, Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy, Star Wars: The Last Jedi (2018), The Force Awakens - Fandom, The Last Jedi
Genre: 1800s, Abuse, Alternate Universe - Circus, Angst, Arranged Marriages, Attempted Rape, Circus, Class Differences, Class Issues, Classism, Different backgrounds, Emotional Sex, F/M, Falling In Love, Fluff, Free Spirit Rey, Friendship, Manhattan, Musicals, Orphan - Freeform, Polkadotdotdot, Rescue, Reylo - Freeform, Reylo Alternative Universe, Romance, Runaway Rey, Seperation, Star Wars AU, Taken virginity, The Greatest Showman, Trapeze, True Love, Unhappy Childhood, Uptight Ben, alternative universe, circus AU, reylo au, slowish burn, the greatest showman au, trigger warning - attempted rape, virgin
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-24
Updated: 2018-08-20
Packaged: 2019-04-27 12:23:00
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 22
Words: 72,076
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14425332
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Polkadotdotdot/pseuds/Polkadotdotdot
Summary: (Star Wars The Greatest Showman AU) In 1849, Ben Solo, a young financial professional is requested by his Mother to help his Uncle Luke and his business "Skywalkers Circus of the Extraordinary". Plagued by protesters and rioters who threaten the safety of the performers Luke has sheltered.Growing up in a privileged upper class world, Ben isn't exactly thrilled at the prospect, but is surprised to find out that your past doesn't dictate your future when he meets a young trapeze artist named Rey who turns his world upside down and teaches him to let go of his uptight, upper class ways.A tale of forbidden love over different worlds, heartbreak and happy ever after.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello all!
> 
> This story is based on The Greatest Showman which has become my other muse as of late. I hope you all enjoy it. 
> 
> Feel free to share and please comment and let me know what you think!
> 
> PDDD x

Ben Solo sighed for the umpteenth time.

The Manhattan street bustled around him, carts and horses and people all moving around him, going about their busy business day. He was standing in front of a large tall building, decorated with stained glass and ironwork, the painted elaborate sign on the front read ‘Skywalker’s Circus of the Extraordinary’.

All over the building were banners advertising the acts on show. Dog boy, a man covered in fur. The 750-pound man. Exotic animals, magic, gymnasts and everything else in between. Ben frowned, brushing some dust from his pristine black suit.

What the hell was he doing here?

Ah, that’s right. His Mother begged him too.

He had graduated from Princeton university at the top of his class, specialising in finance. He should have been working for a renowned shipping company or law firm, not, he repeated to himself, NOT, helping his eccentric Uncle Luke Skywalker balance the books for his odd little show.

But his Mother had begged him. She was as proper as they came, Leia Organa-Solo, a beacon of high society having made her name in charitable causes. Having parents linked to European Royalty had helped as well and carrying her good name had brought nothing but positives to his life. His Father, Admiral Han Solo was a well-respected Navy man and together, they made a powerful family.

Then there was his Uncle Luke.

It was obvious that his mother had a thing for charity, the way she indulged her twin brother. Luke had always been fascinated with the odd, the mysterious, falling hook, line and sinker for every magic trick he came across. Eventually he had convinced Leia to fund his strange project until it generated a profit.

Ben wasn’t a fool. He had already looked over the accounts. His shows were turning a profit. They were popular with the crowds and having a building located so close to the transport lines helped draw in passing tourist trade.

Luke was irresponsible though and that’s where Ben came in. He was there to temper Luke’s wild imagination with a dose of cold, harsh reality.

Steeling himself, he brushed some dust off the arms of his pristine, navy pinstripe suit jacket and he squared the top hat on his head, walking inside.

He winced, his nose immediately being assaulted by the smell of sawdust and animals. There was a ring in the centre of the room, the light from the windows bathing the whole place in sunlight, highlighting the dust hanging in the air. Ben huffed, brushing his suit again.

He hoped the office he would be working in was cleaner.

There were rows of staggered stalls around the ring for people to sit on as well as balconies to stand on and ahead he saw the large black curtain, beyond he assumed was the backstage area. Looking up, he saw a series of hoops and bars all suspended by ropes. Trapeze, he assumed.

“Hello?” He called, his voice bouncing around the space and back to him.

His frown deepened when nobody answered. His Uncle knew he was due in, the least he could have done was be on time to meet him.

Grumbling under his breath about his Uncle’s timekeeping, Ben walked further inward, around the perimeter of the centre ring. He didn’t want to ruin his good, leather shoes.

He approached the black curtain, tentatively opening it and pushing through to the backstage area. It was even messier than he had expected. Saw dust, straw, props, animal feed, you name it and it was scattered there. In the distance, he could hear animals moving around in their stalls further in the back of the building.

There was a rickety stair leading to the upstairs area and he assumed if anyone was going to be home, that’s where they would be, and he ascended, holding onto the bannister and immediately regretting it. The wood was filthy.

Eventually he came to what looked like an office and he knocked on the door.

“Come in,” called a distracted, familiar voice. Slowly he pushed the stiff door open.

“Ben! Is that the time already?” Luke cried, dropping the newspaper he was reading and  pulling out his pocket watch.

Ben smiled tightly at his Uncle. He had aged a lot since the last time they had met, which had been long before Ben had set off for college. He was in a white shirt and grey suit pants, the matching jack almost as old as he was and thrown over his chair, his tie hanging undone around his neck. His sandy hair had fallen to grey as had his beard, but his blue eyes still sparkled with humour and wonder.

Luke rose, rushing to embrace his nephew and as his arms wrapped around the taller, younger man, Ben stiffened, awkwardly patting his Uncle on the back.

“Uncle Luke,” he said, “It’s been a long time,”

“Let me look at you!” Luke said, stepping back to take all of Ben in, “You’ve grown into quite the strapping young man! What are you now? 29?”

“30, actually,” Ben answered, “Did you forget I was arriving today?”

“No, no. I’m sorry, I was just distracted,” Luke scoffed, “Come, sit down my boy!” he gestured to the chair on the other side of his desk and Ben sat.

“Have you looked around the place yet?” Luke asked. Ben shook his head.

“Not really, only what I saw when I came in. You have an…interesting set up,” Luke gave him a rye smile.

“Interesting which means you hate it,” he laughed, “It’s okay. You can say what you’re thinking…you have a terrible poker face,”

“Some improvements could be made but I’m assuming that’s why I’m here,” Ben said dryly. Luke nodded.

“I suppose it is. I’m needing someone with a little business sense who can look past the lights and the glitter and help really boost the audience,” he said simply.

“I’ve already had a look at your accounts and figures,” Ben stated, pulling out some papers from his case, “From the looks of things you’re pulling in good numbers,”

“I am for now, but people are fickle,” Luke said honestly, “They’ll come and see the same show, the same acts a handful of times but we need to keep things fresh to have them coming back time and time again,”

“I see, and your acts, are they being paid?”

“Of course, they are!” Luke cried incredulously, “And much better than they would be paid doing manual labour jobs available to them,”

“How did you come across such, um, unique people?” Ben asked, not sure how to phrase the question. Luke grinned at his discomfort, watching him run his hand through his long dark hair awkwardly.

“I started by going looking, but as the show grew, a lot of these people came to me and for more than just employment. They come here looking for a home, for a family, for people just like them who have been cast out by society. There’s no judgement here, not inside these doors. It’s worse out there…”

“What do you mean?” Ben asked, his brows knitting in confusion. Luke levelled him with a glance, picking up his abandoned paper.

“You can’t be so blind, Ben. You’re not an idiot. The lower classes? Anyone who looks or acts differently is ridiculed, cast out…and people are only too quick to point out when they think someone is a ‘freak’,”

He threw the paper down in front of Ben on the desk, the headline facing him.

“Protests at Skywalker show,” Ben read out loud,” Protests? You have protests here?” Luke shrugged.

“They aren’t large. Under 20 men at best…”

“Have they done anything other than stand outside and shout?” Luke shook his head.

“Not yet,” he sighed, “But I must admit, I do worry about it. There’s a certain mob mentality that runs around this part of town at night…but at the same time, nothing draws a crowd like a crowd. The more people protest, the more people come to see what all the fuss is about!”

“You can’t be serious?” Ben scoffed, and Luke shrugged.

“Controversy creates cash,” Luke said, “I like to think it’s being an astute businessman,”

“I think it’s lunacy…” Ben muttered, “And these people, your acts, they don’t seem to mind being put on display like that?”

“I took the lost, the forgotten, the so-called freaks of society…and I made them stars,”

“That still doesn’t mean they have respect,” Ben replied, “The class system in this country is very well ingrained and if their faces are plastered all over town, everyone knows who they are…”

“Ben, you’re worrying over nothing. You let me deal with the acts while you deal with the books,” he said kindly, smiling at his nephew, “Besides, you haven’t even seen the show yet. Just wait, once you see it…you’ll understand,”

“Hmm. Will I now…” Ben said sceptically.

“Trust me!” He said jovially, standing up and taking the paper from Ben’s hands, throwing it back on the desk, “Come, let me show you around!”

Ben rose, following his Uncle from the office and back down the wooden stairs.

“You’re going to have to get this area squared away for a start…” Ben began but Luke cut him off with a wave from his hand.

“Yeah, yeah…all in good time!”

He followed his Uncle, picking his feet through the debris and mess towards a larger warehouse area of the building. 

Even he had to admit it looked impressive. Rows of stalls housed large horses, being well taken care of by some stable boys, their names on each door. Further away separated by partitions were large enclosures housing exotic cats. Tigers and Lions, growling and roaring as they absently played with the in-cage entertainment or lying sleeping in the afternoon sun.

“and that stair at the back leads to the living area,” Luke explained, pointing to the stairs that lead to the second floor.

“You mean people live here?!” Luke smiled at him.

“When I said I gave people a safe home, I meant it,” he said, “Now, there’s someone I want you to meet…”

Standing by the caged animals was a shorter man with tanned skin, stubble over his chin and a crop of messy, wavy dark hair.

“Ben Solo, meet Mr Poe Dameron, our resident animal master!”

The smaller man walked over with an easy smile, reaching out and shaking Ben by the hand.

“Poe, this is my nephew Ben,”

“Ah the illusive nephew I’ve been hearing so much about,” he said, “I hear you’re coming in to save our asses,”

“Something like that,” Ben replied, “So, animal master?”

“Something like that,” Poe smirked, “I co-ordinate the care of all the animals and I perform with the big cats. See that big guy over there?” he pointed to a huge lion lying in his large enclosure, lazily eyeing Ben and Poe, “That’s BB. He’s my star, I’ve had him since he was a cub,”

Ben didn’t even want to ask how the man had come across a lion cub, let alone raised and tamed the huge beast.

“Are you watching the show tonight?” Poe asked, and Ben nodded.

“I am,” he replied tentatively, and Poe grinned widely. Ben wasn’t sure why, but he found himself drawn to the man and his easy nature.

“Ah, a first timer. You’re going to love it, I promise,” Poe confirmed, “There’s something for everyone and I can guarantee you’ll never have seen anything like it,”

Ben knew that for a fact. The entertainment he had grown up with involved plays by reputable playwrights, opera, ballet. Anything that was deemed acceptable by high society. The circus was not something he had ever been seen at, even as a child.

 “Well, I won’t keep you,” Poe said, “I have to get ready for tonight and I’m sure Luke has more he’d like to show you. If you fancy getting a drink sometime then hit me up!”

“I will,” Ben said, his own sincerity catching him off guard.

If he was going to be here for the foreseeable future, he supposed it wouldn’t do any harm to at least make one ally in this strange place.

Luke continued to walk him around the mysterious building and by the time he was finished, Ben thought he was drunk, having met so many bizarre and unique people.

Jabba Joe was a huge, immovable object of a man, weighing in at almost 500-pounds. Ben wasn’t small, it took a lot to dwarf him, but Joe managed to make him look like a child in comparison. He was a jolly, jovial man, seemingly oblivious to his size and he had managed to coax a smile from Ben.

He had almost jumped out of his skin when Chewie had shown himself. The man was covered head to toe in long, brown fur and had literally flipped into Ben and Luke’s path, howling like a banshee. Ben gripped his chest, his heart pounding wildly while Luke only laughed. The wolf man, he was billed as, and Ben could definitely understand why.

Fire eaters, acrobats, jugglers. Luke really had assembled a motley crew of misfits and the most astonishing thing to Ben was that they all looked at him like _he_ was the odd one. The incredulity of it all made him want to laugh.

“And this fine man here is Finn! Finn, come and say hello to my nephew Ben,”

The dark man walked over to him, extending his hand and shaking it firmly, looking Ben directly in the eye with an uncomprehending stare. Ben fought the eyebrow that wanted to raise. It was almost like the man was silently challenging him, to what, Ben didn’t know.

“Good to meet you,” Finn said politely.

“Likewise,”

“Finn here is one half of our trapeze act,” Luke said proudly, “Oh, you’ll see them tonight. The things they do are incredible…speaking of, where is our little star?”

Ben’s eyebrow did raise then. Little star?

“Who?” he asked.

“Rey,” Finn replied, “She’s getting her hair done and finishing her costume for tonight. She’ll be down soon I’m sure,”

“Good, I’d like to introduce her as well,” Luke said, “But it might have to wait until later. We have a show to prepare for, the doors will be opening soon. Ben, why don’t you pick a good spot. I recommend the balcony, then you’ll be able to see Finn and Rey at work!”

“If you say so,” he drawled, “I look forward to seeing what you do, Finn,”

“Likewise,” Finn replied coolly, the tone making Ben tense. What was this guy’s problem?

Deciding it was better to remove himself from the conversation, Ben turned his back on the other men to do as his uncle suggested and find a space to watch the show.

00000

He had to give it to his Uncle, the whole inside of the building looked different in the evening. There was no longer daylight streaming in through the windows, the only lights coming from the oil lamps hung around the edges of the balcony and the spotlights hitting the ring in the centre in various colours.

The live band started, the black curtain opening, and a stampede of horses cantered through, some of the acrobats he had met earlier kneeling on their backs in multi-coloured, glittering costumes, feathered headdresses on the horse’s heads bouncing with the movement.

The audience gasped and cheered in delight as the performers flipped and tumbled to the music, their well-trained animals prancing alongside them. Soon after, when they had finished their opening routine, the horses and their riders waltzed back through the curtain and Ben watched as Poe emerged.

He had changed his plain clothes from the afternoon and had now emerged wearing a blue military style coat, lined in gold thread, the tails of his coat flapping as he ran towards the ring, flanked by two large tigers and the huge lion. BB, his name was, Ben recalled.

Against his better judgement, Ben found himself smiling, his foot tapping to the music. It was unlike anything he had seen before. It was vibrant and bright, loud and exciting. He turned his head to look at the crowd, the bright smiles on their faces as they cheered and shouted. You could never behave that way at a play or a ballet, but here? They were encouraged to make as much noise as possible.

He was beginning to see the appeal.

“Ladies and Gentlemen, boys and girls of all ages, cast your eyes to the sky!”

While the audience on the floor stalls looked up, Ben didn’t have to look far seeing that he was already on the balcony. The man he had met earlier, Finn, swung on his trapeze through the air but there was someone else with him. Ben squinted, trying to get a better look at the slim figure but she was moving too quickly. All he could make out was that she had long, brunette hair, curled and pinned in a half up-do behind her head, her body was wrapped in jade green, glittered silk with matching wraps around her feet, leaving her toes bare to grip the bar and ropes.

He felt his heart jump to his mouth as she leapt from the thin suspended bar, catching onto the second and pulling her legs up to hold her weight as she swung upside down. Ben realised that she was swinging directly towards him.

He was transfixed by the sight. As she swung towards him, the angle of her body moving to the point they were practically face to face, her hand reaching out in a graceful motion. She was barely meters away from him and he blinked at her dumbly, standing wide eyed and slack jawed. Her own hazel eyes locked with his and she smiled brightly at him, sending him a wink before her body began to swing back the direction she came from.

Ben moved forward, leaning on the railing of the balcony to watch her downward swing, following the beautiful girl with his eyes intently as she flipped and twisted through the air.

“Who is that?”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben learns that sometimes it's okay to drink during the day and that there's more to circus folk than just being a little weird

As soon as the show was over, Ben rushed down from his spot on the balcony, pushing his way through the leaving crowds to get backstage. When he arrived, he found Luke, still in his red ringmasters jacket, talking with Finn and the woman he had seen perform.

She had wrapped herself in a jade green silk robe that matched her costume but covered her body to her ankles. He stopped in his tracks to stare at her. She had dark brunette hair that spilled in waves over her shoulders, her skin pale like a porcelain doll, highlighting those large hazel eyes that he had gazed into for all of three seconds. Her features were highlighted by her stage makeup, her lips a rosy pink, glitter shining on her cheeks and slim nose.

“Ben! There are you,” Luke called, waving him over, “What did you think of the show?”

Ben was shaken from his trance and he wandered towards the trio. Finn was still watching him with caution while Luke was simply like an excited child. The girl smiled at him with a polite warmth.

“It was wonderful,” Ben said honestly, “You were right Uncle, I’ve never seen anything like it,”

The girl’s smile widened, and Ben felt like someone had punched him in the chest.

“Aha! I knew it, I knew you would love it! There’s nothing more satisfying than making a sensible adult feel like a child again,” Luke declared, “Oh, I almost forgot…I haven’t introduced you two yet. Ben, this is Rey. She’s our little superstar. Rey, this is my nephew, Ben Solo,” The girl blushed.

“Please Luke, there’s no need for that,” she said bashfully, “and what is your act Mr Solo?”

He paused, mildly confused. Did she think he was another circus act?

“I’m not a performer,” he said, “I don’t have an act…” Rey smiled in amusement at him.

“Everyone has an act,” she replied, “Even if they don’t know it yet,”

The way she was smiling at him made Ben feel uneasy, her words and their double meaning sitting uncomfortably with him. She had only just met him; how did she know what he was like? Finn was smiling somewhat smugly, only adding to the awkwardness. Rey, sensing Ben’s discomfort, spoke again to put him out of his misery.

“So, you enjoyed the show. What are your plans here?” she asked kindly. Ben exhaled the breath he hadn’t known he was holding.

“I’m here to help my Uncle bring in new crowds, help with the books…that kind of thing,” he replied, “Hardly as interesting or exciting as what you do!”

“I’m sure it’s interesting to you and that’s what counts,” she said, still smiling at him in a way that made his stomach flip., “Well, if you’ll excuse me gentlemen, I’m going to go and get washed up. It was very nice to meet you Mr Solo,”

She walked away from the trio, Luke walking with her and Ben’s eyes following her as she did. Finn glared at him openly.

“Can I help you?” Ben finally asked, realising he was under scrutiny.

“See that girl? I’ve been protecting her a long time, she’s like a sister to me…and I don’t like the way you’re looking at her,” Finn snarled, his face hard.

Ben scowled at the implication.

“I have no idea what you mean…” he began but Finn cut him off.

“Uhuh, I’m sure you don’t,” he drawled, “You think I’ve never seen a man look at her that way? She’s a beautiful young woman and I know what guys think when they see her. So, you listen closely to me, it’s not going to happen okay?”

Ben inhaled deeply through his nose, formulating his response to Finn’s outright accusation that he had ideas on his friend. He had literally just met the girl and while he wasn’t blind, he could see that she was beautiful, she was young, and he barely knew her.

“Finn, I think you’ve got the wrong idea,” Ben said evenly, “I have no intentions on Rey,” Finn smiled suddenly, his whole face changing so abruptly that it caught Ben off guard.

“Good, then we won’t have any problems!” he declared with false cheer, “Welcome to the circus, Ben!”

Ben watched Finn walk away from him then, a frown still on his face. Circus was right, on more levels than one.

00000

Ben had set up his own desk in Luke’s office, spending a whole morning cleaning and tidying his own section of the room. He worked better when there was a certain organisation around him. Dealing with number and figures all day was his job, he needed that kind of calm.

It was a stark contrast to the chaos of Luke’s side of the office.

After his nesting spree, Ben had spent the rest of the morning and well into the afternoon pouring over the accounts, feeling like he was drowning in receipts. That is, if Luke even kept receipts. There were plenty of expenses that weren’t accounted for and it was driving Ben to distraction.

He was deep in calculations when Luke burst into the room.

“Would you look at this!?” he exclaimed, thudding a newspaper down on Ben’s desk on top of his paperwork. Ben scowled.

“You know, if you want me to help you, this isn’t the kind of thing you can interrupt…”

“Read it!” Luke reiterated, pointing to the article in front of him.

Ben picked up the paper, his eyes scanning the printed words.

“Skywalkers circus is a showcase for the indecent, depraved and humbug of the entertainment world…” Ben muttered out loud, “What can you do about this?” he asked Luke who was grinning.

Why on earth was he grinning.

“Nothing! It’s fantastic!” Ben blinked at him. Fantastic?!

“Wait, what? You think this is a _good_ thing? I’m not sure you know what these words mean…”

“Oh, I know exactly what they mean, Ben! They mean controversy and our show thrives on it. People don’t want to admit it, but they love the odd, the strange, the grotesque…that’s why we stare at what we don’t understand. With this kind of review, we’re going to be flooded!”

Ben pinched the bridge of his nose in frustration.

“Yes, flooded with even more protesters,” he ground out, “Have you tried meeting with this person…who wrote this anyway?” he scanned the paper for the reporter’s name.

“Hux. Armitage Hux,” Luke said, his tone soaked with distaste, “He’s a snob, but people read him and he practically does their thinking for them,”

“So you’re going to just allow him to keep depicting your show as some kind of…of…”

“Circus?” Luke added cheekily, and Ben rolled his eyes, “Well, it _is_ a circus Ben…”

“You know what I mean,” he said flatly, “You could try making it more, I don’t know, refined…”

“People don’t want refined!” Luke cried, gesturing wildly with his arms, “They can go to any place in town to get refined. _We_ are special because we give them something that they can’t get anywhere else. Just…trust me!”

Ben sighed, running his hand over his face. He had been working solidly for hours and now the conversation with his uncle was pinching his last nerve.

“I need a break,” Ben muttered, pushing himself away from his desk and standing to leave the room.

In the week had had been there, Ben was already becoming used to the strange sights, sounds and smells of the building. There was always someone around rehearsing and practicing, men building new sets and props, acrobats and gymnasts spinning themselves on the overhead ropes.

What’s more, the people of the circus were warming to him. He had remembered Luke telling him that most of his acts, his found family, were runaways, cast out from society. They treated people the way they wanted to be treated and as a result, most were warm and welcoming to him. Always ready to offer a smile, a cheery hello or a happy conversation.

Provided Ben was ready to do the same.

He wandered through the building, the sunlight streaming through the large windows raising the temperature. Any other workplace would have been horrified at the sight of him in just a white shirt with his top button undone, but it was so warm he had decided to just abandon his jacket and waistcoat to the back of his office chair. Not Skywalker’s circus, even in just his pants, shoes and a shirt, he was still tremendously overdressed by their standards.

He wandered into the room that had been turned into a kitchen, if you could call it that. There was a basic stove and kettle, and a table with chairs and not much else. Absently he opened and closed cupboards. Glasses, various half-drunk bottles of whiskey and rum, a few mugs and plates.

“If you’re looking for coffee then you won’t find it,” a feminine voice called from the doorway behind him and he turned sharply, startled by the sudden interruption.

“Oh, um…yeah that is what I was looking for,”

Rey smiled warmly at him, amused at the mild shock on his face until he settled again, and she walked into the room, her pale blue dress floating around her legs. She came up next to him, opening the cupboard he had just closed, and she pulled out two small glasses and a bottle of rum. He watched in awe as she placed the glasses on the table, pouring a dash of the amber liquid into each then sitting herself down.

“Isn’t it a little early to be drinking?” he asked, and she laughed.

“Please, you’re in the circus now!” she chuckled, “and if you’ve been dealing with Luke then you must be in need of a drink,”

It went against everything that Ben had been taught but he relented with a shrug, sitting down across from her. They hadn’t spoken often since they had first met, a few passing conversations but she was always smiling and pleasant to talk to.

“I won’t lie, he’s…interesting to deal with,” Ben said, taking his seat.

“That’s a very diplomatic way of saying eccentric,” she quipped, throwing her drink back. Ben laughed.

“Well, I was trying to be polite but yes, he is,” he said, “He’s always been that way. Even when I was a child,”

“Did you spend a lot of time with him growing up?” She asked, refilling his glass and sliding it back to him. Ben shook his head.

“No, not really,” He said thoughtfully, “I grew up in quite a strict household. My Father is a high ranking naval officer and he always had a plan for me. Boarding school, University and the like. There wasn’t really any room in his vision for things my Uncle Luke enthused about,” Rey continued to smile at him, listening to him intently.

“But what about your Mother?” She asked. Ben swallowed his drink, as did she, and he slid the glass back to her.

“Well, my Mother indulged him. Twins. She never really put much stock into these things, but she kept him happy and allowed him his fantasies, much to my Father’s chagrin. I suppose he thought it was just another form of her charity work,” Rey nodded.

“And somehow, despite your Father’s wishes, you ended up here?” She surmised, filling his glass again.

“On request of my Mother,” he said. Quirking her head to the side, Rey stared at him curiously.

“That can’t be the only reason,” she said. He downed his drink.

“I…suppose I just needed a break. I needed to do something different,” he said honestly.

It was strange how this girl was able to pull the truth from him so easily. Or was it the liquor? He couldn’t tell which, but he felt he could speak to her honestly. Something he hadn’t felt with a person in a long time, perhaps ever.

“I can understand that,” she replied, “I know what it’s like to feel trapped,”

He regarded her inquisitively. What did she mean? She was still so young, where had she come from?

“How about you?” he asked, “How did you find yourself here?”

She gave him a small smile before throwing back her drink and standing.

“I’m afraid it will take far more than a couple of shots to get that story out of me,” she said, “and I believe I have some rehearsals to be getting to. Another time perhaps, Mr Solo,”

She moved to leave the room, stopping when Ben called to her.

“Ben,” he said, and she stopped and turned back to look at her, “Please, call me Ben,”

She grinned brightly at him.

“Alright then,” she said, “Ben it is,”

She walked from the room, leaving him alone still sitting in his chair clutching his empty glass, a fond smile on his face.

00000

The evening show had been another success.

The crowds cheered and screamed, loudly clapping and offering a standing ovation. Every time Ben watched the show he saw something different. New tricks and acts that amazed even his cynical mind.

Rey had been astounding as she always was, that evening performing on the aerial silks, wrapping the fabric around her body and swinging gracefully high above the ground in pale pink and sparkles. He felt his heart almost stop when she spun herself from the top of the silk to the floor, the fabric around her waist the only thing between her and certain death.

“Coffee?” he heard Poe ask as he leaned on the balcony, watching the crowd disappear from the building as the show ended.

He turned and smiled at the man, noticing a cup in his hand being held out to him. He accepted the hot drink.

“You circus folk seem to have a strange schedule when it comes to beverages,” he jibed, “Rum during the day…coffee at night,” he elaborated.

“Well, things are a little topsy turvy here in case you hadn’t noticed,” Poe said, joining him at the railing, “Drinking to get through your work? Doesn’t seem very professional of you…”

“Actually, it was Rey, I bumped into her earlier and she offered,” Ben explained, and Poe smiled.

“Ah, our little ray of sunshine,” he said, “I’m amazed you got anywhere near her the way Finn is when it comes to guys…”

“Are they…” Poe shook his head.

“No, no, nothing like that,” He said, “They’ve been friends since they were children. He’s just very protective,” Ben made an impartial noise.

“How did they meet?” he asked. Poe rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly.

“I dunno if that’s really my story to tell…” he began, and Ben nudged him gently.

“Come on, just between us,” he coaxed, and Poe relented.

“Well, I don’t know much about where Rey came from before, but I know she came to the same orphanage Finn was homed in when she was maybe 12 years old. He was 16 and I get the impression he kinda helped look after her. Stopped creeps from messing with her, that kind of thing,”

“Orphanage?” Ben said, and Poe smiled sadly at him.

“Do you really think most of us would be here if we’d had the best start in life?” he said, “In case you hadn’t noticed, we’re not like your highbrow, private school friends. You’re hanging with the runaways now kid!”

Ben nodded thoughtfully, sipping his bitter coffee. It wasn’t the best and he didn’t know where Poe had got it from, but it was the best he was going to get here, he imagined.

Poe’s words made him feel ashamed of himself, talking to Rey about his family and his privileged life when she had come from practically nothing. He didn’t ask Poe to elaborate further, not that the man could tell him anything else, he simply didn’t know. Finn and Rey apparently kept their stories very close to their chest.

“And what about you?” Ben asked, “How did you come to be here?” Poe shrugged.

“My Father was a zookeeper,” he said simply, “I remember watching these animals being shoved into small, sad little cages. No respect for what they are. He was an abusive fucker too, used to beat my Mom, beat me when he’d come home stinking of whiskey…one day I came home from school and he was screaming at her…I can’t even remember what for now but I hid…and I watched him beat her until she didn’t get up again,”

Ben stared at him in horror.

“Jesus…” Ben breathed.

“After that, I knew I had to get out of there,” he continued, staring off into the distance, “not before I opened every last one of those cages at his Zoo. That’s how I got BB, he was just a baby then, he followed me, and I figured having a lion with me was better than being alone. Shortly after, I found a flyer asking for the unusual…and it lead me to Luke,”

“Damn…Poe, I’m so sorry…” Ben said quietly. Poe shrugged.

“Don’t be. It was a long time ago now,” Poe replied, turning to him with a small, sideways smile, “And I think you’ll find I’m not the only one here with that kind of story,”

Ben turned to stare ahead of him, a thoughtful frown on his face as he mulled over the horror of Poe’s story. All Ben had ever known was high society, the best education, the finest of everything. He knew that these things existed, of course he did, but he had never been exposed to it. The worst thing his parents had ever done to him was be strict and even then, he knew that was just their way of showing that they cared.

Beatings? It didn’t bare thinking about and his heart hurt for his new friend. Poe was too good a guy to have gone through something so horrible. He didn’t even want to imagine the kind of childhood Rey and Finn had.

“Poe, I want to get a gift for someone…”

00000

Rey stretched her neck as she walked back towards her room.

She was sore from her performance on the hoop and was looking forward to finally having a day off from performing. The circus shows were running 6 nights a week, twice on a Saturday, during the summer months and it was taking a toll on her body. She knew Finn was feeling the same.

She bid her friends goodnight, opening the door to her room. It wasn’t the largest room. They were repurposed from old storage rooms but there was enough space for a double bed, a dresser and a dressing table. She was lucky enough to have her own sink in the room at least.

Rey had tried to make it her own, decorating the place with whatever she could salvage. Old rugs she had found at flea markets that she had spent time repairing and cleaning, flowers and candles. It wasn’t much, but it was hers.

Something on the table caught her eyes. A fair sized, dark blue box with a white ribbon around it. She frowned lightly, wandering over to the box and undoing the ribbon, pulling it off and opening the package.

Inside, nestled in a bed of blue silk was a liquor glass. She gasped at the beauty of the finely cut crystal as it sparkled in the lamplight of her room. Next to the object was a card and she pulled it out to read the elegant script.

_Thanks for the drink. Here’s to the next one._

_Cheers,_

_Ben_

She grinned, enjoying the flutter her heart made as she read his name and she fell asleep that night thinking of his dark eyes.

 


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Luke makes a surprising purchase and Ben see's first hand how dangerous prejudice can be

“Ben, have you got a moment?” Luke asked, his head poking through the office door. Ben put down the paper he was looking at, raising an eyebrow at the sight of his Uncle.

Luke’s eyes were sparkling with mischief and there was a strange grin on his face. Ben wasn’t sure he was going to like what was coming.

“What can I do for you?” He asked.

“Just…come with me!” Ben exhaled loudly through his nose, pushing himself away from his desk and following Luke out of the office, down the wooden stairs and out to the animal enclosure.

He walked up to a new enclosure, far larger than any of the others but the darkness on the inside had Ben squinting to see what was inside, a confused frown on his face. Ben turned his back to the enclosure to face the older man, who was still grinning.

“Well?”

“Well…what? Uncle, I can’t see anything in there…”

From behind him, a trumpeting sound so loud made Ben leap, his heart thundering in his chest as he landed on the ground, scrambling back from the animal that had tried to give him a heart attack. Over the door of the enclosure, a great elephant hung his head, his trunk swinging and it’s gentle eyes staring down at Ben on the dusty floor while Luke laughed.

“What do you think?!” Luke exclaimed brightly, “Isn’t he beautiful?!”

Ben was still clutching his chest, willing his breath to return to normal and he pushed himself up to standing, brushing his trousers free of the dust now covering them.

“You…where did you find and _elephant_!?” Ben shouted, and Luke only continued to chuckle to himself, walking forward and stroking the gentle animal.

“I bought him,” he said simply. Ben blinked at him, open mouthed.

“Wait…you bought him?”

“Them, actually,” Luke clarified, “There’s two of them,”

“You bought _TWO_ elephants?!” Luke frowned.

“Of course, it would be strange if I just bought one…” Ben sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose.

“Yes, _that_ is the strange part,” He grumbled, “Luke, how much did this cost? Why didn’t you run this by me first!” Luke shrugged which did nothing to ease Ben’s frustration.

“It was a fleeting offer,” he explained, “If I hadn’t bought them, well, saved them really, the Zoo would have had them destroyed. They really are far better off with Poe that they are there. He’ll take good care of them, he’s very excited!”

“I’m very pleased for him,” Ben said dryly, “Now I need to go back to my desk and try and sort out this…purchase. Tell me you at least got a receipt for this…”

Luke reached into his pocket and pulled out a scrap of paper, bent and torn, clearly having been crumped and shoved into the coat without care. Ben sighed, reaching out and taking it from him, staring down at the so-called receipt.

“Luke…this just says ‘2 elephants $7000’…you spent $7000 on elephants?!” He shouted, “It’s not even signed…”

“Oh, Ben,” Luke laughed, “You really do worry too much…”

Ben held his face in his hands, still holding the poor excuse for an official record of sale in his hand. His head was pounding.

“I need to sit down,” He muttered, “Or smoke…or drink…”

Luke had moved on to talking directly to the exotic animals, scratching the elephant’s large grey forehead as if it were nothing more than an overgrown dog. Just when Ben felt he was getting used to circus life and working with his Uncle, there was always something else that caught him off guard and figuratively swept his feet from under him.

“Ben! I see you’ve met Luke’s new arrivals,”

Her voice did something to him that he hadn’t quite worked out yet. It made his heart leap and beat harder anew but at the same time, it soothed him. It was a confusing sensation and he wasn’t sure what to do with the feelings she invoked.

Rey appeared through the large double doors that lead to the grassy patch of land they owned outside, her face lightly flushed from the sun. The top layer of her hair had been pulled back into a ponytail with the rest falling in waves around her shoulders and she was in a simple long navy silk wrap dress with a white sash. Clearly, she was just back from running errands in town.

“I have,” he said, “They’re um…”

“I think they’re beautiful!” She gushed, walking up to the door and stroking the elephant’s trunk, “They’re so gentle,”

“I suppose so,” Ben muttered, walking towards them, eyeing the elephant’s large tusk warily.

Gentle they may be, but he didn’t fancy being impaled by the animal. Rey smiled at him, amused by his trepidation. Clearly, he wasn’t used to being around animals.

“Come on, Ben,” she teased, “He won’t bite you!”

“It’s not the biting I’m worried about…”

Rey reached out, grabbing his hand suddenly and placing it on the animal gently, his skin tingling under her touch. The elephant was warm and his skin far softer than Ben imagined. He watched his own hand in awe as he stroked the animal, a small sideways smile forming on his face and his brows relaxing. Rey smiled widely at him.

“See, you just need to be gentle with them,” she said, “Respect their boundaries and remember they’re living creatures with feelings, just like people. These big guys, the way they’ve been treated at that Zoo…they’re probably more afraid of you than you are of them,”

His hand still on the animal, Ben turned his head to look at her, his face softening. He had never really thought of things that way. He had never had a reason to. She was so…good, he thought. He wished he knew more about her, where she had come from and what her story was, but it hardly felt like something he could just ask her out of the blue.

“Sounds like you’re talking from experience,” he commented instead, and she smiled.

“Something like that,” she replied, “I never did thank you for your gift by the way. It’s beautiful, you really didn’t have to,”

“You’re welcome,” he said turning to her, “Call it a hope that we’ll get to have another drink together soon,”

She turned to him, dropping her hand from the animal, her eyes shining at him.

“I’d like that,” she said, “You’re an interesting man, Ben Solo,”

Emboldened by her smile, Ben took a step closer to her, the wall of the elephant’s enclosure at her back, but she didn’t flinch or move. She simply gazed up at him, that smile still on her face.

“You know, Finn was quite clear that we shouldn’t spend any time together,” he said, “I’m not going to get my lights put out if we have that second drink, am I?” Rey laughed, and it was like music to his ears.

“Oh, Ben…it’s not just Finn,” she said sadly, “In case you hadn’t noticed, I’m not exactly on your level in the eyes of society. A circus girl spending time with an upper-class Princeton boy? Tongues will wag!”

“We’re just two people, sharing a friendly drink,” he shrugged, “Besides, I was a champion boxer in college. I’m sure I remember how to swing a left,”

Rey rolled her eyes in good nature, moving around him. He spun around so his eyes could follow her.

“Of course you were!” she teased, “I look forward to that drink,” she called behind her as she walked away, leaving him standing staring after her.

It wasn’t until the great elephant nudged him roughly and he almost fell over, did he shake from his small trance.

00000

“Another successful performance,” Luke declared, walking next to Ben around perimeter of the empty ring, “We can only hope that Hux will write something equally as harrowing. Did you see the size of the crowd tonight? We were turning them away at the door!”

“Yes, because you offered half price tickets to anyone who brought in a copy of his first review,” Ben grumbled, “I really wish you would run these decisions by me. If it affects the takings, it will affect the accounts…that’s why I’m here,” Luke shrugged,

“If I had asked, you would only have tried to talk me out of it!”

Ben sighed. There was no point in trying to argue with his Uncle about it. He was right, Ben would have tried to talk him out of it. It wouldn’t have worked, but he would have tried.

Shouts from outside drifted through one of the side doors and Luke turned to Ben with a frown, listening to the sounds before rushing to the door, throwing it open so they could get into the side street.

From the end of the side street, Ben could see the protesters, their torches glowing orange in the darkness, illuminating the signs in some of the men’s hands. Directly in front of them, some of the protesters had broken off from their pack and dared to cross the invisible picket line, brawling in the street with some of the circus performers.

Chewie had one of the men in a headlock, squeezing his neck and holding him down on the ground, smashing his face into the mud while another man was throwing punches at Finn, catching him on the jaw sending him to the floor, kicking him hard in the ribs.

“That’s enough!” Luke screamed as both he and Ben rushed forward to try and break up the fight, his voice booming above the other shouts.

Ben was pulling Chewie off someone when he heard that familiar voice.

“Finn!” Rey cried, appearing in the doorway and running into the street.

“Rey, no!” Ben called, trying to catch her around the waist as she ran out, but she slipped from his grasp, standing between the thug and her friend on the ground who was groaning in pain.

“Leave him alone!” she spat, a scowl on her face, holding herself to her full height, almost laughable against the size of the man in front of her.

He leered at her, openly grinning with his discoloured, broken teeth.

“Shame such a pretty thing has thrown herself in with this lot,” he growled unkindly, “How about it circus slut? Want to feel what it’s like to have a real man between your thighs?”

Ben saw red. With a feral shout, he sprinted forward, swinging his left arm as hard as he possibly could, his fist colliding solidly with the man’s jaw. Ben stumbled slightly with the force of his hit, Rey steadying him as he stood over the floored thug. He was breathing hard, growling under his breath as he pushed the hair that had fallen over his face out of his eyes, pushing Rey protectively behind him.

“Everyone inside _now_!” Luke screamed, his acts listening to him and scrambling away from the scene.

Ben felt Rey pull at his arm, pulling him back. The adrenaline running through his blood was making him shake but he couldn’t tell if it was that or the fact he was still so full of rage. He was fighting the urge to mount the man, to continue to hammer his face until there was nothing left.

“Ben, come on,” Rey said gently, her voice pulling his focus away.

Rey. He should listen to Rey.

Slowly he backed away from the man who was still holding his jaw while Rey helped scoop Finn up from the ground, walking him back inside the building.

“That’s right, freaks!” the man snarled, “Run on home, your master’s calling you!”

Ben sneered down at him.

“That’s quite enough, _Sir_ ,” Ben said dangerously, standing and waiting at the door until the last of the men had scrambled away.

00000

They had congregated back stage, all sitting on the soft safety mats, spare random armchairs that had been abandoned there. Luke had distributed what medical supplies they had spare and it was lucky that most of the injuries were superficial. Shallow cuts and a few bruises.

Ben was sitting on the arm chair, flexing his aching hand slowly. He didn’t think his hand was broken but his knuckles were definitely going to be bruised and his hand would be sore for a few days.

He was staring down at his hand when an ice pack was put in front of him. His eyes followed the pack, up the persons slender arm, eventually reaching Rey’s concerned face.

“You were right…you can still swing a left,” she said, trying to sound flippant but her voice was shaking from the experience. He smiled at her reassuringly, taking the ice pack from her and placing it on his swollen hand.

“Are you alright?” he asked seriously. She nodded shakily.

“Yes, I think so,” she said with a hint of a smile, “Thank you. You didn’t have to do that…” Ben frowned.

“I wasn’t going to let him talk to you like that,” he said in disgust. Rey smiled at him tightly.

“I’ve been called far worse, believe me,” she sighed, “But…thank you anyway,”

He stiffened as she bent forward, pressing a warm kiss to his cheek, her lips lingering on his skin a moment before she stood back, allowing her eyes to catch his, then turning away to walk towards where Finn was sitting clutching his ribs. Only once she had turned away from him, did he allow himself to breathe again.

Luke stepped forward, standing in front of everyone, a grave look on his face.

“Is everybody here and accounted for?” he asked, turning his head to take in the people in front of him, silently taking inventory. He only continued once he could see that nobody was missing.

“Tonight, was too close a call,” he said seriously, “and I’m so sorry that any of you were hurt. In light of this evenings events, I’m imposing a curfew. I don’t want any of you out after dark, especially the girls…”

Luke’s announcement caused the people around him to break out into calls of protest, unhappy murmurs and complaints all merging into one, unintelligible noise.

“So, we’re to be treated like children because of other people? Luke, that’s bullshit!” Poe said hotly.

Luke sighed, running his hand over his beard.

“I’m just trying to protect you all!” he protested. Ben scowled, standing up from his chair.

“If you were so interested in protecting your friends then why are you still encouraging Hux to write these reviews? You _know_ that’s what encouraged these assholes, stop thinking about your show for one fucking minute!” Ben shouted, “A curfew won’t stop those people outside! If you really want things to change, then you need to change peoples attitudes out there, not in here!”

Rey smiled proudly at him while Luke sighed again, looking downcast.

“You know it’s not that easy, Ben,” Luke said, “We are what we are,”

“We are what _we_ are you mean!” Chewie cried, “It’s easy for you to say, you can go out any time without strangers staring at you, without them pulling their children away from you. They don’t look at _you_ with fear in their eyes!”

“I get just as much abuse as any of you,” Luke shot back, but his conviction was weak at best.

He knew that some of his friends would receive far more abuse than he ever did. Luke may have been regarded as strange, as an eccentric, but he outwardly looked normal. He wasn’t covered head to toe in hair, he wasn’t covered in tattoos or birth marks nor was he over 500-pounds. He looked like a normal man and for that, he would always have an advantage over them. The performers all began to mutter and murmur again in disgust. Rey stepped forward.

“Listen, we’re all upset,” she said gently, “Luke, you can’t force us to stick to your curfew but how about we all agree to take it under advisement, hmm?” she said, looking towards her friends who nodded reluctantly.

“If we do go out, then it’s at our own risk…as it’s always been,” she said, “For now, I think we should all just go to bed and sleep it off. It’s been a long night,”

All in agreement, the collective slowly began to shuffle away towards their rooms, Rey giving Ben one last glance before helping Finn to his feet and walking away with him. Eventually, Ben and Luke were the only two left.

Ben sighed, moving to walk past his Uncle.

“You know that I’m only trying to protect them, Ben” Luke pleaded, “You know that,”

Ben stopped, turning back to his Uncle.

“Then start acting like it,” he replied, emotionless.

Ben walked away, his ice pack still on his bruised knuckles.

00000

The atmosphere around the circus was far more reserved the following morning. Everyone was still hurting, both physically and emotionally from how they had been treated. Ben had only become used to the jovial, laid back atmosphere and is was jarring to see these people he was quickly regarding as friends so downtrodden.

It bothered him. They shouldn’t have been made to feel unsafe in their home.

Ben himself, while he had an apartment nearby, had decided to sleep in one of the spare rooms. He hadn’t wanted to take the chance that he would be caught alone. He was brave when he had to be, but he wasn’t stupid.

He was standing in his usual place on the balcony, coffee in his bruised hand, staring off into the distance when his thoughts were interrupted.

“Hey there,” Finn said quietly, as if he didn’t want to disturb the peace. Ben gave him a weak smile.

“Hey, how are you feeling?” he asked as Finn leaned next to him, wincing slightly.

“I’ve been better but I’m sure I’ll live. Don’t think I’ll be up on those ropes tonight at any rate,” he said with a bitter laugh, “Hell of a thing…”

“It is,” Ben said sadly.

“Listen, I know I gave you a hard time when you arrived, and I want to say sorry for that,” Finn said honestly, “Rey and I, we’ve been through a lot together…thank you for protecting her when I couldn’t. You’re a good guy, Ben”

Ben regarded the man, the open honesty on his face and he shot him a small, genuine smile.

“It was nothing…”

“No, it wasn’t,” Finn pressed, “You could have got yourself seriously hurt, throwing yourself into a fight that isn’t really yours. Everyone is really impressed, you showed that you’re one of us…and we’re all grateful,”

Ben couldn’t stop the blush that rose on his cheeks, heat in his face at what Finn was saying. One of them? Was he really becoming one of the circus folk? It had been so long since he had thought of anything outside of the place that he was pondering if what Finn was saying was true.

“And look,” Finn continued, “I don’t like the idea of Rey with anyone…she’s too good, but if she was going to choose someone, I guess I wouldn’t mind if it was you,” he said, one side of his mouth lifting in a smile.

Ben maintained his poker face, taking a sip of his coffee.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Ben said, and Finn grinned at him.

“You know what, Solo, you’re a terrible liar,”


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben comes to Rey's rescue, forcing their feelings to the surface

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning: There is an attempted sexual assault in this chapter. If you're uncomfortable reading then please skip.

Ben hadn’t really believed what Finn had told him about everyone being impressed. He had assumed that the trapeze artist was only being nice, considering Ben had almost broken his hand defending his friend.

Everyone was generally nice to him, they were friendly, but he was under no illusion that he wasn’t like them. He came from wealth, from privilege. He didn’t know what it was like to be afraid to walk down the street, to be cast out by family simply because of how he looked. Ben’s life, in comparison, had been an easy one and it was easy to assume that there would be resentment towards him for that.

As the weeks carried on, he noticed that perhaps Finn was right. They were more than friendly with him, often asking him to join them during meals, including him in card games, openly offering him cigarettes and drinks. He hadn’t really noticed that they had only been treating him with reserved politeness until he had really begun to be included.

With Finn’s blessing, he and Rey had been spending more time together. When he wasn’t working on the accounts and the business plans, Ben could often be found at his space on the balcony watching her practice, or standing in the ring, looking up at her.

Their blossoming friendship hadn’t escaped the notice of the other performers, secret smiles being shared whenever they saw the pair together. Ben was still occasionally uptight, his upbringing often rising to the surface, but Rey would always just laugh it off, treating it with a kind of indulgent amusement.

He had finished his work for the afternoon and decided to take a wander to see if he could see her. Eventually he found Rey standing outside through the back of the building in the mid-afternoon summer sun, watching the elephants wander around their outdoor enclosure with Poe in the middle.

“Beautiful day,” Ben said coming to stand next to her, “At least, the elephants seem to like it,” Rey smiled at him.

“Ah, you finally escape your office,” she quipped, “are you sure you’re able to survive in the sunlight, you see it so little!” Ben laughed.

“Hot house flower like me? Who knows, I may even have to take my tie off,” he said loosening the fabric around his neck and undoing his top button, her bright, easy smile making him feel slightly giddy.

Rey turned back to look at the outdoor enclosure.

“You know, Luke was talking about getting some zebras for the show?” Ben paled, and she giggled at the look on his face.

“You’re kidding?!” he exclaimed in horror, “He doesn’t make my job easy,” Rey shrugged.

“Anything that’s easy isn’t worth having,” she commented, “Or so I’ve been told,” he looked at her curiously.

“No,” he replied, “No, I suppose it isn’t,”

“You seem to be settling in well now. Have you changed your mind about that quick exit of yours?” She asked innocently, her wide eyes looking for an answer. He frowned.

“Who told you I was leaving?” She smirked.

“It was obvious from the moment you walked in that you weren’t planning on staying long,” she stated, “This is hardly the right setting for a man like you,”

“A man like me…” he replied flatly, his brows knitting.

Is that what she thought of him? They were different sure, but had he really given off that kind of impression? That he would leave as soon as he could. His stomach dropped. He didn’t want her to think that there was such a divide between them.

“You know what I mean!” she defended, “Before the other night, you tended to keep to yourself…I suppose its not surprising that you’d feel uncomfortable. The people that come to the shows are safe in the knowledge that while they can point and stare and cheer…at the end of the night they still get to leave, to go back to what they think is safe. Private school? Princeton? This is hardly your comfort zone, Ben,”

Ben stood quietly, his eyes cast to the ground in silence, unsure of how to answer her. It made him uncomfortable knowing that what she was saying was true. Rey’s brows furrowed apologetically, feeling suddenly guilty that she may have hurt his feelings.

“Hey, I’m sorry,” she said softly, “That wasn’t very tactful of me. People here, they know you now…you’ve shown that you’re more than just a private school snob. I don’t think that about you!”

He raised his head, tilting to look at her face with wide imploring eyes. She smiled at him affectionately. They were standing so close to one another, their arms almost touching. Carefully, subtly, her left hand closed the gap between them, taking hold of his right hand in her own.

Involuntary, he inhaled sharply through his nose at the skin on skin contact, a shiver running up his spine as she stared into his dark eyes. There was something there, something he couldn’t put words to and it made his chest tighten.

“You don’t?” he breathed, finding it suddenly difficult to speak. She shook her head gently.

“No, I don’t,” she answered sincerely, giving his hand a small squeeze.

He smiled, looking back out to watch Poe wash the elephants and she followed his gaze, the pair standing in companionable, comfortable silence.

It wasn’t until Finn appeared that Rey let go of Ben’s hand and Ben hid his disappointment at the sudden lack of contact.

“Rey, if you want to get that fabric, you better head into town now or that store is going to close!” Finn said, walking towards them. Rey gasped.

“Oh my God, thank you! I completely forgot!” she cried, grabbing her skirts, “I guess I’ll see you boys later!”

The two men waved her goodbye, watching as she headed back inside. Finn smiled smugly at Ben.

“Still got no idea what I’m talking about?”

“Oh, shut up,”

00000

By the time Rey had made it to the fabric store and organised her order for her new costumes, the sun had well set in the sky, the lamps in the street the only real source of light. Rey frowned as she left the store. She hadn’t planned to stay out so long but had been side tracked on her way.

Rey was one of the more fortunate members of Skywalker’s cast. She didn’t have physical deformities that automatically attracted stares and hate, she could generally walk freely during the day.

Her face was well known though. She was on posters and banners all over the city, advertising her and Finn as a trapeze duo. A young, white woman in Manhattan performing next to a young, black man had brought her a lot of abuse. While some places were somewhat tolerant, racism was rife in America and as far as many people were concerned, Rey being part of the circus and being friends with Finn, treating him like the human being he was, made her just as bad. She was just as much a target as he was.

She walked quickly through the streets, relieved that she hadn’t received any comments or muted whispers as she did so.  However, the closer she got to the circus building, the more uneasy she began to feel. The men that hung around the streets leered at her, suggestive looks in their eyes and she recognised more than a few faces from the protest picket line. It was early, they hadn’t begun their chanting or shouting yet, but they were still there.

She sucked in a breath as the sun had finally lowered completely. She was only two blocks away from the building and if she walked quickly enough she would be home and safe. Suddenly she felt silly for arguing against Luke’s curfew idea, realising just how unsafe she felt out in the streets alone.

Out of nowhere, as she continued to walk, she felt a hand wrap around her upper arm, pulling her roughly into a side street, her bag falling to the street forgotten about, and a dirty hand wrapped around her mouth as she was pulled back.

00000

Ben closed his records book for the night, standing from his office chair and pulling his coat on. He had found it difficult to focus on anything since his moment with Rey that Finn had interrupted.

He had experience with women. Nothing that had ever been serious, a girlfriend or two, but boarding at an all-boys private school hadn’t offered a lot of opportunities to meet girls, not until he went to college.

The girls he had met, most of them had come from similar backgrounds. Rich families, privileged and as a result they were stuck up and, dare he say it, boring. They were beautiful, sure. The best dresses and cosmetics money could buy, but if it wasn’t society gossip, they weren’t interested. It wasn’t exactly intellectually stimulating.

Ben sighed, running his hand through his hair. He knew what was expected of him. What his Father expected, who he was expected to marry and at 30 years old he was already a few years past his parent’s carefully planned schedule. By now, according to them, he should have been married, possibly even with a child on the way. He had been able to make excuses, saying that he was focusing on his career, as men were able to do, but now he was helping his Uncle, he wasn’t sure how much longer that excuse was going to last.

He shook his head, pushing the thoughts away. He didn’t want to think about that, not now.

Rey was so different. She wasn’t unrefined, as people would perhaps have expected. She was polite and intelligent, but also spirited and lively. She had such an open mind and a good heart. Ben wasn’t sure how he felt for the girl. He had never been in love before.

He paused, thinking of her, his chest tightening in that familiar way it did when she was near him. His stomach flipped. He’d had been lying if he said he hadn’t looked at her. She was a beautiful woman and she spent a lot of her time there wearing tight figure hugging outfits that showed her slender, agile body. More than once he had caught himself daydreaming about what she would look like out of her costumes, lying in his bed.

He wanted her, there was no doubt about that, but it was more than that. He wanted to look after her, to protect her, to give her everything that she deserved.

But did he deserve her?

“Heading out?” Luke asked as Ben walked down the stairs, “Was going to ask if you wanted to join us for some cards?” Ben shook his head.

“No, thank you,” he said kindly, “I think I’m going to call it a night. I’ll see you guys tomorrow,”

He scowled as he left the building. There wasn’t a show that evening, but that didn’t stop the protesters from standing outside, waving their signs and torches, screaming and shouting for the ‘freaks’ to leave town. It created a toxic atmosphere around the area without the overexcited audience members attending to drown them out. The men were loosely being controlled by a few police, but not many. If they really wanted to do something, they could.

His apartment wasn’t far from the circus and he continued to walk, ignoring the shouts that came his direction simply for coming from the building. It wasn’t until he walked past a dull side street did he pay attention to a sound that reached his ears, causing him to stop abruptly.

00000

“I knew I’d get you eventually you little spook slut!” the man growled in her ear, her arm twisted painfully behind her back and his dirty hand tightly over her mouth.

She kicked and fought against him, but the pressure on her manipulated joint was too much and he was far stronger than she was. She watched the lamp light of the main street fade as she was dragged away from it, the panic gripping her throat making it difficult to breath.

“Where’s your little circus freaks now, huh?” the man mocked, throwing her against the brick wall, her body colliding with a dull thud.

She turned to look at him, breathing heavily, her heart crashing in her ears, and she recognised him from the attack. The man who Ben had punched in the face. He towered over her, a predatory smirk on his face that made her feel sick and he licked his chapped lips.

“I told you that you’d get a real man between your thighs,” he growled, “Now you’re going to give me what I bet you’ve been giving all of those freaks at the circus! Oh yeah, pretty little thing like you? You’ve been passed around, no doubt about that…”

He advanced on her, his large body holding her against the wall tightly. She strained her head away from him, his breath reeking of whiskey and hot on her neck, tears slipping from her eyes and she screamed at loudly as she could before he clamped her mouth shut with his hand.

“Quiet slut,” he sneered, “Keep quiet and play nice,”

She shuddered, feeling the other grubby hand that wasn’t around her mouth fumble with her skirts, reaching her bare knee and beginning to slide up her bare thigh. She tried her best to scream at her to leave her alone, for someone to help but he was holding her so tightly she couldn’t even get her mouth free enough to bite him, her head grinding into the wall behind her painfully

Rey squeezed her eyes shut, not wanting to look at the horrible thing that was about to happen to her.

Suddenly, the weight was lifted from her body and she crumpled to the ground, gasping for much needed air since his hand had been removed. Someone was there, someone had grabbed her attacker, throwing him off her, sending him against the opposite wall.

She could barely make the second figure out in the dullness of the alley but could hear him as he threw a fist against the drunk’s stomach. He double over, groaning in pain, only to be met with a hard blow to his face that sent him to the floor. Her saviour was on top of the man, hammering at him until he lay still.

Shaking. She realised that she was shaking, her brain trying to process what had almost happened to her and she was still in a heap on the ground where she had slid down the wall. Her hair had been pulled from its bun, falling messily all around her and he head was stinging where it had hit the brick.

The shadow was in front of her and she flinched when he tried to touch her.

“Rey? Can you hear me?”

She blinked away the tears that were blurring her vision. She knew that voice, that comforting safe voice. Ben was crouched in front of her, breathing hard, his eyes wide with panic and concern. Carefully he reached out, holding either side of her face gently to try and make her see him.

“Ben…” she breathed, and he sighed in relief, smoothing her hair out of her face. She was still shaking as he sat back, quickly pulling his coat off and wrapping it around her shivering body. Gently he pulled her to her feet, wrapping her in his arms.

“Come on,” he said, “Let’s get you out of here,”

As they walked, his arms still around her shoulders tightly, she realised that she wasn’t the only one shaking.

00000

The short walk to Ben’s apartment had been silent. Ben was still too angry to speak, and Rey was still in shock.

His apartment was modest considering the kind of place he could have afforded, but at that moment he had never been more thankful that he had selected something so close to the circus. They entered, and he closed the door, locking it behind them, leading her to his bedroom.

A strange kind of numbness had taken over, like her mind was trying to protect her from the horror of it all and, like a zombie, she simply allowed herself to be steered into whatever direction he was taking her. Carefully he sat on his bed, crouching down in front of her to meet her eyes.

“Rey?” he said softly.

Her eyes remained unfocused, staring at the floor until he said her name and they snapped to his. His were full of worry, of alarm, desperately needing to know that she was alright. As she stared into his dark eyes, the numb feeling in her body began to melt away, leaving nothing but a raw sickness, a vulnerability that she couldn’t hide anymore, and a choked sob escaped her lips.

She fell forward from the bed into his arms, both sitting on the floor while she openly sobbed against him, her head tucked against his chest and her arms around his neck, clinging to him like a terrified child. Ben held her tightly in return.

“Shh, it’s okay,” he soothed, “I’ve got you, you’re safe with me now,”

He wasn’t sure if he was saying these things for her benefit or his own.

“He tried to…to…” She couldn’t say it, the thought bringing back the feeling of his weight on her body, his hand running up her bare leg.

“But he didn’t,” Ben said, firmly but gently, “He’s never going to come near you again. Nobody is. I’ve got you, I promise,” he whispered, pressing a kiss to her hair.

They stayed on the floor until Rey had all but cried herself to exhaustion. He didn’t want to move her, but they couldn’t stay there forever and reluctantly he pulled them both to standing.

“You’ll stay here tonight,” he said, sitting her on the bed again and she wrapped her arms around her body, pulling his coat tighter, “Stay here, I’ll be back in just two minutes,”

She stared at him apprehensively, grabbing at his arm when he moved to leave the room, her eyes impossibly wide and full of anxiety. She looked so young, so helpless. He carefully released her grip on his arm, holding her hand.

“I’m just going next door to get you some things, okay?” he said softly, making her look him in the eye, “You’re safe here. I’m coming right back,” she gave him a shaky nod in understanding.

True to his word, he returned with some fresh towels, a jug of water and a shirt.

“I’m afraid I don’t exactly have anything suitable for a lady to wear to bed, so one of my shirts will have to do,” he said giving her a small smile and he was relieved to see her return it, “There’s some towels and some warm water here for you to freshen up a little. I’ll let you get changed,”

Her eyes widened, and he smiled at her.

“I will literally be right outside the door,” He assured her, “I’m not going far,”

True to his word, Ben stood directly outside his closed bedroom door, allowing her privacy to wash some of the grime off and change into his shirt before she climbed into his bed. He knocked lightly before he pushed the door open to see that she was curled up tightly in the sheets. He walked over to her, sitting on the edge of the bed.

“Do you need anything else?” he asked, and she shook her head silently, “Okay, I’m going to let you get some sleep. I’ll just be sleeping down the hall…”

As he moved to stand from the bed, she grabbed his arm, fresh tears forming in her eyes and her lip quivering.

“Please stay with me!” she panicked, “Please don’t leave me alone,”

He gentle stroked a tear away from her cheek before he nodded. Quietly he stood, kicking off his boots and removing his clothes until he was just in his shirt and underwear. It was a strange situation. In any other circumstance, he might have felt exposed or would have worried that he was making her feel uncomfortable, but all he could focus on was Rey and how much she needed him.

Cautiously, he slid into the bed next to her and immediately she was against him, his arm coming protectively around her body holding her in place. She fit so perfectly against him, he thought, like she was made for him, her head safely tucked under his chin, the breath from her nose tickling the bare skin it ghosted over.

“You’re not alone,” he whispered to her, his hand absently stroking her arm.

As the lamps died down and the room darkened, in the safety of Ben’s warm arms, Rey eventually drifted to sleep.

00000

His hands were on her, pawing at her dress, tearing the fabric and crawling over her skin. She could feel his breath on her neck, his lips on her throat. She wanted to scream but nothing was coming, nobody could hear her.

He was telling her that he was going to have her, that there was nothing she could do about it. Ben. Where was Ben?

Rey’s eyes flew open, her breath coming in gulps as she woke, sitting up quickly in the strange bed and blinking at her surroundings. He wasn’t there, her attacker wasn’t there. She couldn’t smell the whiskey from his breath or the sweat from his skin. The only thing she could feel was the warmth of the body she had been lying against. How long had she been sleeping for?

The room was dark, moonlight streaming through the window the only source of light and her eyes adjusted slowly. She turned to look down at the body next to her to see Ben gazing up at her, his eyes practically black in the darkness of the room, a contrast to his pale skin and black messy hair.

“Rey?” he said, his voice rough, “Are you alright?”

Wordlessly, she looked at him. Her saviour, her protector, this articulate, handsome man who had come into her life when she seemingly needed him most. He waited for her answer, his lips slightly parted.

Continuing her silence, she leaned down swiftly, pressing her lips against his. He wanted to stop her, to gently push her back, tell her that she had been through something traumatic, that she wasn’t thinking clearly.

He couldn’t.

She was soft against him, the arm she wasn’t leaning on trailing down his neck while his own hands slowly moved up her arms, trailing across her skin and into her hair. She sighed against him, deepening the tender action, her tongue pushing past his lips and running along his own.

It was only when she suddenly hissed in pain, his hand brushing against the tender point on the back of her head, injured from her attack.

“Shit,” Ben whispered, “I’m sorry, are you okay?” Rey smiled softly at him, nodding, her forehead leaning against his.

“I’m fine,” she said, “I promise,”

He sat up, leaning forward to kiss her again soundly, before he pulled her against his chest, holding her close.

“Sleep,” he commanded quietly, “We’ll talk in the morning,”

She nodded, a contented smile on her face as she drifted off into a dreamless sleep against his chest, Ben being sure to keep his vigil until he was sure she was asleep.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben and Rey have a talk, Luke sees the error in his plans and Ben finally learns how Finn and Rey came to be together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello lovelies! 
> 
> Thank you to everyone who has been reading, leaving kudos and commenting. I love getting feedback, especially on something like an AU which I've never tried before! No beta so all mistakes are my own!
> 
> Trigger warning: I'm not sure if this chapter needs a trigger but just in case, Finn's story might be a little harrowing for some.
> 
> PDDD x

Ben had barely slept a wink through the night. An hour or so doze here and there but nothing that would qualify as high-quality rest. His mind was too active, tumbling over the past 12 hours.

It didn’t bare thinking about what could have happened to Rey if he hadn’t been there, if he had taken up Luke on his offer of cards and remained at the circus instead of walking home. The idea that she could have been violated like that and left for dead in a Manhattan side street made bile rise in his throat, his arms tightening around her ever so slightly.

The man wasn’t dead, Ben knew that much, but he wasn’t going to be in a fit state for a long time. Her scream had made him stop and as soon as he could make out what was happening, Ben had acted on pure instinct, the same way he had during the brawl those weeks ago, grabbing him and tearing him off her body.

Ben wasn’t a violent person by nature. He had boxed in college but that was for sport, not to satisfy some deep-rooted blood lust. Seeing his hands on her body, his weight pressing her against that wall as she struggled helplessly had woken something visceral, something so primal, and he had wanted to squeeze the man’s neck until he saw the light leave his eyes. Instead, he had simply beat him until he was unconscious. He wasn’t a murderer.

He flexed his hands, his knuckles bruised and split from the force of his punches. He sighed, in the confusion and panic, he hadn’t even noticed that there was any damage to his person. Rey had been all that had mattered, getting her somewhere safe, making sure that she was alright.

Absently his fingers touched his lips, their kiss coming to the forefront of his thoughts. It had been everything he imagined it would have been. Soft, gentle but insistent, warm and as natural as breathing but something was bothering him.

He had wanted it. Honestly, he had wanted to kiss her from the day they had met, but had she really wanted to kiss him? She had been through something horrific, traumatic and had woken from a nightmare. Maybe she was dazed, confused, or harbouring some kind of gratitude that made her feel like she owed him something.

But the way she had held his hand earlier that day, when she had looked into his eyes and with unrelenting honesty had told him that she didn’t think he was a snob, or that he was different from them. She had squeezed his hand and it had sent a shock straight to his heart.

He froze staring unblinking up at the ceiling of his bedroom.

He was falling in love with this beautiful, brave, girl who he barely knew.

Slowly, she stirred in his arms, sighing in her half sleep state, turning her face into his chest.

“Good morning,” he whispered down to her. She lifted her face, blinking up at him and smiling sleepily.

“Morning,” she drawled, “What time is it?”

Ben turned his head to glance out of the window. It was bright, but the sun wasn’t at all high in the sky.

“It’s still early,” he answered, “How are you feeling?”

She quietly considered his question before answering.

“My head hurts a little,” She said, wincing as she reached back to feel the bump, “and I’m a bit sore, but I think I’m fine, all things considered. If you hadn’t turned up when you did…”

“Shh,” he said quietly, absently stroking her hair from her face, “Don’t think about it now. It’s over,” she leaned into his gentle touch, savouring the feel of his fingers grazing over her skin and through her hair.

“We should probably talk about…”

“Yeah,” she said quietly, a shy smile on her face, “We probably should,”

This was it, he thought, this was when she told him that it had been a mistake, that she had been confused and didn’t know what she was doing, that she wasn’t in her right head and she didn’t want to ruin whatever friendship was between them.

“I like you, Ben,” she said shyly, “I really like you, probably far more than I should because I don’t think this ends well…”

“What do you mean?” he asked, his brow furrowing. She sighed sadly, her eyes full of apology.

“I mean…where you come from, where I come from...it’s only going to end in heartbreak for both of us,” she said, her eyes welling with tears, “and I’ve had enough heartbreak in my life already,”

Swiftly, his heart beating furiously, Ben sat up in the bed to look at her properly, shaking his head.

“I would never do anything to hurt you,” he implored, grabbing her hands and holding them to his chest, “You have to believe me,”

“I do believe _you_ , Ben,” she rasped, tears sliding down her cheeks, “but you know as well as I do that it’s not up to us. Society, your parents, are you honestly saying that you could turn your back on it all?”

He gazed at her quietly, his mouth opening and closing while he tried to form an answer in his head. Could he really turn his back on everything he ever knew? In his mind, when he had allowed himself the luxury of dreaming about their future, he had brought her into his world. Not the other way around. He had elevated her, given her everything. It had never occurred to him that turning his back on his upbringing would be an option. He would be giving up everything.

“I wouldn’t have to,” he insisted, “You are a brilliant, beautiful woman, Rey, my family would love you,”

She scoffed, letting out a disbelieving laugh, shaking her head.

“No, they wouldn’t,” she sighed, “It doesn’t matter how I dress, how I act, all they would care about is my background…I’m not like you,”

What could he do to show her his sincerity? Impulsively, he swiftly leaned in, capturing her mouth in a desperate kiss and she melted against him, whimpering at the sensations he was evoking in her. It was as if someone else was controlling her body, her arms wrapping around his neck unbidden as he pulled her onto his lap, straddling his waist, their tongues moving instinctively against one another, his hands on her face as his thumb brushed over her cheekbone.

All his panic from the night before, all his fear that he would lose her, his affection and adoration was combined into the action and she kissed him back with the same desperation. She needed him as much as she needed her. Heat pooled low in her belly and from the position she was in sitting on him, she could feel he wanted her just as much as she wanted him.

Gasping for breath, they pulled apart, Ben intensely holding her eyes.

“I don’t care,” he declared, “I don’t care about society, my parents, any of it…we’ll figure it out as we go. I want you,”

Rey gave him the most beautiful smile he had ever seen, her eyes shining at him in the morning light of his bedroom.

“I want you too,”

00000

They had spent the remainder of the morning lying together in bed, talking, kissing, exploring each other slowly. Painfully slowly, for Ben, but he was aware that she was younger than he was, inexperienced. Add together her experience of the previous night, he didn’t want her to move faster than she was comfortable with. He was a gentleman, after all.

Reluctantly, they had to pull themselves from the bed. There was a show that evening, Ben had work to do and Rey made the point that Finn would have been going out of his mind with worry that she hadn’t returned home. Ben sighed, she had a point.

He scowled as they changed their clothes, her bare back to him and he could see the bruises forming on her shoulder blades and upper arms. He skimmed his fingers over the marks on her arms and she smiled reassuringly at him, telling her that it was fine. It wasn’t fine at all, he thought, but he wasn’t going to upset her.

By the time they had reached the circus it was almost noon. They walked in through the main entrance of the building to find Luke, Finn and everyone else standing in the ring, all of them turning towards the door when they heard it open.

“Rey!” Finn cried in relief, rushing towards her and grabbing her in a fierce hug, “Where the fuck have you been!?” he asked, standing back to take in her appearance.

“It’s a bit of a story but I’m fine, I promise,” she said reassuringly, reaching back to retake Ben’s hand that had been lost when Finn had grabbed her.

“Rey was attacked last night,” Ben said gravely to Finn, “It was lucky I was walking home when I was,” Finn’s eyes widened in shocked horror.

“What? By who?”

“One of those men outside,” Rey said quietly, “The same one who picked a fight with you,”

Finn’s face soon contorted into incandescent anger, his eyes sharp as steel, his jaw working as he processed the news. Rey placed a comforting hand on his chest to try and calm him.

“But Ben was there!” She said quickly, “and nothing happened. He stopped him,” Finn looked towards Ben.

“and he won’t be coming back any time soon, I can promise you,” Ben growled. Finn nodded in understanding, his eyes darting to Ben’s bruised knuckles.

“You see Luke?” Finn said bitterly, turning back to the rest of the group, his voice carrying, “We told you something was going to happen. First, they start picking fights, now they’re attacking women in the street? Is this serious enough for you now?”

They approached the group. Luke standing there with guilt and doubt on his face.

“I told you about going out after dark…” he began quietly, and Ben scowled.

“Bullshit!” Finn shouted hotly, “That’s bullshit, and you know it. It doesn’t matter if we stay in here or go out there…they won’t stop until we’re driven out of town or even worse. This is your circus and if you care about any of us as much as you claim to…”

“Don’t you dare!” Luke said, his voice low, “I have given everything to this, to all of you!”

“Luke,” Ben interjected carefully, “Rey was attacked last night, she could have been killed…this isn’t about you, you have to see that now. Something has to be done,”

Luke sighed, running his hands over his beard. He knew they were right, something was going to give and soon if he didn’t try and find a way to fix the public perception of his business. He turned to look at Rey.

“You’re right,” he said quietly, “I’m so sorry, Rey, are you alright?”

She was hit with a sudden vulnerability seeing so many eyes on her, her usual confidence evaporated and unconsciously she moved closer to Ben, his hand squeezing hers.

“I’m fine,” she said flatly, “I just want to move on and forget about it,”

Luke nodded mutely, turning to the others.

“I’m sorry everyone,” he said quietly, “I’m going to find a way to stop this, I don’t know how…but I’m going to find a way. For now, we do what we do best…we entertain,”

He walked away from everyone towards the backstage, leaving the performers in the ring staring after him.

00000

After Luke had left them, everyone had agreed to put on a brave face, to push back the fear and carry on with the show. When they were under the lights, in their costumes, nobody could touch them.

Rey, however, had continued to feel slightly awkward through the day. Most of her costumes showed the bruises on her body and she despised the pity ridden looks her friends were giving her. People could love her or hate her, but she had never needed pity from anyone. Not when she was a child and certainly not now. It was all coming from a place of love and concern, she knew that, but it didn’t make it any easier to bare. The only two who didn’t look at her that way were Finn and Ben.

Ben was alone in the office, his eyes scanning through the newspaper, so preoccupied he hadn’t noticed anyone else enter until he hear the thud of a bottle being put on the table in front of him. With a start, he lowered the paper to see Finn standing there, a bottle of whiskey on the desk and two glasses in his hand.

“You’re becoming a real knight in shining armour, you know that?” Finn said, sitting himself down on the chair in front of him. Ben shrugged, dropped the paper to the desk.

“Anyone else would have done the same thing,” he reasoned but Finn scoffed, uncorking the bottle with a pop and pouring.

“No, they wouldn’t have,” he said, “I said it before, and I’ll say it again, you could have been hurt and you didn’t think twice. You’re a big damn hero,” He pushed the glass towards him.

“It was a lucky thing,” Ben sighed, picking up the glass, “I couldn’t let anything happen to her,”

“I know,” Finn replied, sipping his drink, “And I know there’s more to it than just a case of gentlemanly chivalry. I could see it the minute you walked in that door holding her hand…”

“Nothing happened…” Ben moved to protest but Finn waved his hand.

“I didn’t say anything did,” he said, “but it obvious you two have feelings for each other. Hell, we could all see it before you two did…it’s just tragic that it took something so unthinkable to get you two to talk about it,”

Ben nodded, throwing his drink back and putting the glass down, Finn instantly pouring him a second.

“She deserves someone like you,” Finn stated. Ben shot him a confused look.

“Like me?”

“Yeah, like you,” Finn repeated, “Someone good,”

“I don’t know what you mean…” Finn sighed.

“You know, men in general. For most, owning women, assaulting women…it doesn’t bare thinking about, but others? Let’s just say this isn’t the first time,” he said gravely.

Ben took his second drink in one, nodding when Finn hovered the bottle. He needed to know more, desperately, but he had a feeling he was going to need the third drink to hear it.

“Tell me,” Finn refilled his glass and then his own.

“I met Rey when she came to the same orphanage. Real low rent place, horrible conditions and even worse caretakers. She was only 12 when she arrived, I was 16. Like me, we were bounced around from place to place before we ended up meeting. She was a cute little kid,” he said, smiling fondly, but Ben had a sense of foreboding from the other man’s tone.

“You know what happens,” Finn said sadly, “Cute little girls turn into pretty little girls…and if there’s one thing men love more than booze and gambling, it’s _pretty little girls_ ,” Ben paled.

“You don’t mean…”

“We had this one caretaker, Plutt. He was a nasty piece of work and he always had this creepy look on his face whenever he laid eyes on her. I did the best I could to keep her away from him but there was this one night I had been forced into the kitchens for dish duty…”

Finn faltered, his eyes haunted and unfocused as he stared ahead of him, remembering that terrible moment like it was yesterday. Ben remained silent, his mouth a grim line, his teeth clenched.

“I was walking down the hall and I heard her crying, begging for help…and I ran towards the sound. I found him on top of her, trying to…to…” he stammered, “I didn’t think about it for a second and I grabbed one of the lamps…smashed it right over that perverted bastards head. I grabbed her and that night we made a break for it, ran for our fucking lives…we’ve been together since,”

“What age was she?” Ben said roughly, finding his lost voice. Finn looked him straight in the eye solemnly.

“15 years old,”

Ben squeezed his eyes shut painfully, his grip on his glass tightening. 15 years old. A 15-year-old girl. He felt sick to his stomach, his chest constricting painfully at the thought of his beautiful Rey being subjected to that kind of treatment.

“So, you see Ben,” Finn said quietly, “From the day she was born the world has been telling us, me, her, that we’re not good enough, that we don’t deserve to be treated like human beings, but she’s the most beautiful soul I know, and I can’t just let anyone near her. Not if they don’t know how precious she is,”

Ben threw back his drink, his eyes focus on Finn’s in silent, mutual understanding.

Later, when he went to see her, Ben swept Rey into his arms, holding her tightly against him and kissing her tenderly before she could even say hello.

“What was that for?” she breathed, her affection smile warming up every part of him, reminding him that she was there, she was safe, and she was his.

“Nothing,” he replied, stroking her cheek, “Nothing at all,”

 


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Luke reveals his plans to Ben. Ben struggles to stay a gentleman around Rey and Poe gives Ben a much needed pep-talk

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two updates in one day! You can tell when I get into a flow with my writing! Please comment and let me know what you're thinking and feel free to share!

Ben was standing outside, side by side with Luke, their arms folded over their chests looking out from the front steps of the door to the circus. He had been sitting working silently when Luke had arrived, calling on him to join him outside.

Ahead in front of them, Ben could see the picket line of protestors, quieter in the day time when more were either hungover from the night before or they hadn’t begun drinking their liquid courage yet. More noticeable was the increased police presence, rows of officers standing in front of the other men, with the occasional mounted officer patrolling in the line.

“Well?” Luke asked proudly. Ben raised an eyebrow.

“Well…what? What am I looking at here?” Luke rolled his eyes, pointing to the picket line.

“The increased security? All those police officers that weren’t there yesterday?” he said as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

Ben said nothing, making no more than a noise in his throat to indicate he had noticed. Luke blinked at him disbelievingly.

“You asked me to do something about everyone’s safety, so I am!” He said, “and it was no easy feat might I add. The police chief was less than enthusiastic about the extra man power,”

“I’ll bet he was,” Ben said wryly, “Let me guess…this is going to cost us?” Luke shrugged.

“The elephants were more expensive if that helps,”

“It doesn’t, but thank you for the comparison,” Luke laughed, slapping him on the back lightly.

“You know, if you hadn’t gone into finance, you could have been a comedian with that dry wit of yours,” he chuckled, “Come on inside, I have something else to show you!”

“Oh, good…”

He followed his Uncle back into the building, the older man walking at a quick pace. He was excited about something, Ben could tell which only lead to a further feeling of dread in his stomach.

“Luke, are you really sure all that increased police activity is going to be good for business? The gate is already down…you don’t want actual customers intimidated into staying at home!” Ben pressed but Luke gave no indication he was actually listening.

They continued towards the office where Luke threw himself down on the chair behind his desk, Ben standing in front of him, arms folded. Luke threw a playbill in front of him and Ben picked it up.

“World famous singer, the human nightingale Rose Tico” he read aloud from the paper before dropping it to stare at Luke, “Rose Tico? _The_ Rose Tico?!” Luke smiled smugly.

“The very same,”

Ben scanned the paper again, this time noticing ‘Skywalker Entertainment’ printed at the bottom. He frowned.

“ _You_ are putting on this performance?” he questioned, and Luke shot him a insulted glance.

“There is more to me than just elephants and oddities I’ll have you know,” he replied indignantly, “ _This_ is how we convert the highbrow, Ben!”

Ben growled in frustration, running his hand over the stubble on his chin.

“And just how to you expect to get Rose Tico, Luke?” He questioned, “She’s sought after all over the country! You can’t just…advertise it and expect her to come! Not to mention when I said the gate is down, I meant it! The. Gate. Is. Down. You’re not making the kind of money that you were and if you don’t stop with these fucking expenses, you’re going to be broke!”

Luke smiled at him devilishly and there it was again, that feeling of dread in the pit of his stomach.

“Who is the one woman we both know that can help us?” Ben shook his head.

“No,”

“You know she can,”

“No, Luke,” Luke scoffed, pushing himself from his chair to a standing.

“You know that Leia is the best option for us!” Luke cried, “Her connections, her inner circle! Ben, if we pull this off, the profits alone will have us firmly in the black for years and one good review from Hux will have whole new crowds coming from miles around!”

Ben’s jaw worked in agitation, his tongue running over his teeth.

“Don’t you think my Mother has done enough for you?” He said in disbelief and Luke paused, pondering the question.

“The bond your Mother and I have is something special. I’d do anything for her and she knows that, that’s why she helps. You know she would love to be here, helping with all of this directly but your Father…”

“ _Don’t_ speak about my Father,” Ben said dangerously and Luke, sensing he was drifting into hostile territory, decided not to continue that path.

“You have to admit, this could work Ben,” he implored. Ben sighed, shoving his long hair out of his face.

“Even if she could help,” he sighed, “Rose is going to cost a small fortune…” Luke waved his hand.

“Don’t worry about that,” Luke began, “We can work it all out,”

“Well, I will worry about that…it’s literally my job,” Ben drawled, “Alright, fine, I’ll write to my Mother…”

“No need!” Luke announced, cheerily, “I’ve already been in contact. We have dinner reservations with your parents this week!”

Ben stood shocked, blindsided by his Uncle’s announcement. He had already contacted his parents. Ben was expected to have dinner with them. Under normal circumstances this wouldn’t be an issue, but things had escalated since he had last seen them, and the thought was already making him anxious.

Luke checked his pocket watch and jumped when he realised what time it was, grabbing his coat from his chair and swinging it on.

“Now if you’ll excuse me nephew, I have to see some men about some Zebras!”

The door closed behind him, leaving Ben alone in the room to fall back onto the chair, blowing a mouthful of air out in exhaustion, his head tipping back staring at the ceiling.

He was beginning to see why circus folk drank so much.

00000

His morning with Luke had left Ben in a low mood, exhausted and worried. He needed a break, a coffee, anything to lift his mood again. Wandering out of the office, he could hear the performers rehearsing in the ring, laughter echoing through the building.

His downed braces swung from his hips as he walked, looking around him for the person he really wanted to see, and he rolled the sleeves of his long white shirt up absently to relieve himself of the heat.

Since they had declared their feelings, Ben and Rey spent much of their time together when she wasn’t busy practicing and he wasn’t slaving over the Skywalker accounts. Separation was healthy he reasoned. Their relationship was so new that he didn’t want to crowd her, but that didn’t stop him from zoning out of his work to think about her.

It was a strange thing, he thought, being smitten had never been his style but whenever she came into his thoughts his face would take on a softness, a goofy smile on his lips and his eyes glazing over.

While they hadn’t exactly made things public, they made no effort to hide what they were doing, having been caught in the act more than once and a few comments made about lipstick on his collar.

He stopped by the ring, looking around him, frowning in annoyance that he was unable to spot her. That was, until he felt a tap on his shoulder from above.

“Hello, handsome,” She grinned, hanging by a rope, directly above his head. He looked up, grinning at her playfulness.

“Hello, sweetheart,”

Carefully, she twisted herself upright and slid down the rope to his waiting arms, setting herself in front of him and wrapping her arms around his neck to kiss him.

“What are you doing?” she inquired. He shrugged, gazing down at her lovingly.

“Nothing much, just thought I’d take a walk…come and see my girl,” he said lightly, nuzzling her cheek with his nose as she leaned into the contact.

“Hmm, I heard Luke say something about zebras?” she teased, and he groaned against her neck.

“Please…don’t remind me,” he sighed, “He’s given me enough of a headache today and I don’t really want to think of him while I have you in my arms,”

She sighed happily, feeling him press featherlight, teasing kisses to her neck, his hands running down from the top of her back to her waist. She leaned against his strong body, savouring the safe feeling he gave her.

The bruises on her body had healed over the weeks and they spent almost every night together. It began as safety for Rey. She had strong feelings for Ben, but the first night she had spent alone in her room she hadn’t slept at all, waking from the same recurring nightmare, covered in sweat.

The next day when he had seen how exhausted she looked and asked about it, she had tearfully confessed the experience. From then, either he slept in her room or she stayed with him in his apartment.

“Your place or mine?” he asked cheekily.

“Hmm, it should probably be mine,” she said, “I think Finn suspects you’re trying to steal my virtue,”

Ben laughed, somewhat awkwardly. He was a gentleman, or at least, he was trying to be, but Rey had a way of making it difficult. The more time they spent alone together behind closed doors, the harder it was becoming to remain in control.

He would try, _God_ , how he would try, but when they were kissing and her small, agile hands began to drift he had to excuse himself to splash cold water on his face, willing the hardness in his pants away.

“Does he now?” he said, his voice a higher pitch than usual, and he cleared his throat, “So we’re staying here so Finn can chaperone us?”

“Something like that,” She teased, standing on her toes to kiss him again, his stubble rough against her skin. She smiled against him, enjoying the feeling.

“Do you guys mind? I’m trying to eat here!” Jabba Joe called from the side of the ring, a smirk on his face.

Rey pulled away from Ben, turning her back to him, his arms still draped around her shoulders hugging her close from behind.

“You’re always eating, Joe!” Rey teased in good nature, “and the least you could do is share,”

“Hey, you have your girlish figure to maintain, and I got mine…we all have to make sacrifices sunshine!” he laughed, picking up another cake from the box at his feet.

Ben laughed, his mood lightened by the woman in his arms. It was exactly what he had been needing. She turned back to him, her hand trailing on his chest.

“So…tonight then?” He kissed her soundly once more.

“Tonight,”

Watching her walk away, pulling herself back onto one of the swinging, pendulum weighted ropes, he sighed happily, wondering if he had time to take an iced bath before he returned to his duties.

00000

Meal times at the circus had become Ben’s favourite time of the day.

Growing up, dinner was a very demure affair. His Mother will have instructed the cooks on what to make for the week, it was the only reason she was ever in the kitchen, and at the same time every evening he would be called to the table.

He would sit quietly while his parents discussed politics and current affairs. His Father would lecture him on naval tradition, on his school work while his Mother used the time to reinforce his table manners.

At Skywalkers circus however, things were very different.

Everyone cooked or was expected to help in some useful way. More than once he had been given a stack of plates to put out, helping to set the table. There was chatter, banter and laughter. It was loud and boisterous. Something he could never imagine happening in his own home and he soon found that he loved being included in it.

Like a real family.

After dinner, everyone would do their own thing, finding entertainment. Chewie quite often would break out the violin, catching Ben off guard the first time he had ever played with how skilled he was at the instrument.

Jabba Joe loved to read, and often would pick up his book, hiding himself on the softest seat he could find. More than once, before he and Rey turned in for the night, they would find him, either waking him and instructing him to go to bed or simply finding a blanket to put over him so he didn’t catch a chill.

That evening, Poe had invited Ben to play a game of chess and the two men sat quietly together to start their game, a glass of bourbon each.

“So, you’re staying here again tonight huh?” Poe said, moving his pawn forward. Ben nodded.

“Looks like,” he said, “I get the impression Finn wants to keep an eye on the two of us. He said he’s fine with it but…”

“But Finn is Finn and watching Rey is all he’s done since he was a teenager,” Poe finished, “I understand. I get it,” Poe moved another pawn then sipped his drink, “You guys haven’t…Um…”

“Not that it’s anybody’s business but no,” Ben said, levelling his friend with a look. Poe held his hands up defensively.

“Hey, come on now…you guys spend every night together either in her room or at your place. You know the gossip mill, people talk!” he defended.

Ben swallowed some of his bourbon.

“I mean…it’s not that I don’t want to…” he added carefully, moving his bishop forward on the board and taking a pawn, “But…”

“But it wouldn’t do for her to end up pregnant out of wedlock?” Poe added helpfully. Ben nodded.

“There’s that. She’s also, well, you know…” Ben said awkwardly, trailing his sentence off and Poe’s eyebrows raised in realisation.

“Ah, I see,” he said, “but isn’t that kind of exciting…unmapped territory!” Ben frowned in annoyance.

“Please don’t talk about Rey like she’s a tract of land,” he said sardonically, “I don’t want to hurt her,” Poe rolled his eyes.

“Ben, if there’s one thing I’ve learned about you, it’s that you’re incapable of hurting that girl on purpose,” Poe said, “That is…unless you crush her by lying on top of her…”

“Hilarious, really,” Ben drawled, watching Poe move his knight and capturing his rook, “You know what I mean,”

“I do. I was with a virgin once,” Poe said, “Trick is, you need to be respectful. You gotta go at her pace, not yours…no matter how much you want to,”

“If we were going at her pace, I wouldn’t be sitting here playing this game with you right now…” Ben quipped. Poe quirked an eyebrow and sighed.

“Another thing I’ve learned about some ladies? There _is_ such a thing as being too respectful,” he said, “Check,” he moved his queen in line with Ben’s king.

“Meaning?” Ben moved his king from danger before emptying his glass and refilling from the bottle on the floor next to them.

“Meaning you can be respectful, you can show them that you care about them, that you want them for more than just their bodies…but you need to give in sometimes, otherwise, they might get the wrong idea. Start to think that you’re actually not as interested as you claimed to be,” Poe explained.

Ben’s brows knitted together.

“You make it sound like I’m playing hard to get…” he said dryly, moving his own queen, “Check,”

“Oh, no, you’re not! We’ve all seen you,” Poe chuckled, “You have got it bad, my friend! What I’m saying is you can buy her gifts, you can tell her how you feel but sometimes, you just have to give yourself over to them. All of you, know what I’m saying?”

Ben paused thoughtfully, throwing back his bourbon. Poe was making sense, but he was still hesitant. He could take her to bed that night, but if things eventually went wrong, he would have taken something that he couldn’t give back.

“She said something to me when we first spoke about…what we are,” he began, “She said that this doesn’t end well, that it’s going to end in heartbreak for both of us…because of our backgrounds and how different they are,”

Poe moved his queen again.

“And what did you tell her?”

Ben moved his knight, capturing Poe’s second rook.

“I told her that I didn’t care, that we would figure things out,” he declared, “That all I wanted was her,”

Poe moved a bishop.

“Well, if that’s the case, what are you so afraid of?” Poe asked, looking plainly at Ben before he looked back to the board.

Poe smiled smugly at Ben.

“Check mate,”


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben takes Poe's advice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally, our gentleman Ben gives in and takes Poe's advice! This is where we start to earn our M rating. No Beta!

They had developed the same small tradition, Ben and Rey.

He would watch her perform from his spot on the balcony, his heart in his mouth watching her tumble through the air. Even though he knew she was skilled and well-practiced, it would only take one slip, one miss of Finn's hand for her to hit the ground.

When they were finished, Ben would be there at the curtain backstage waiting to sweep her into his arms, to tell her how beautiful she was, how amazing she was. He would then accompany her to her dressing area where she would change from her costume and the rest of the evening was belonged to them.

"So, I was thinking," Ben whispered quietly in Rey's ear, hugging her from behind and holding her eyes in her dressing room mirror, "How about if we slipped away early and stayed at my place tonight?" She smiled shyly in the mirror, understanding the implication of his words.

"Aren't you worried Finn is going to stalk us and stand outside your door?" she teased, and he kissed her on the cheek.

"I'm sure I can handle him," he rasped against her cheek and she giggled at him, "I'll let you get changed,"

With one last kiss, Ben left her to change from her costume, so he could meet her at the side doors and hand in hand, they left the circus together, only telling Luke where they were going.

They laughed together, jogging back to Ben's apartment like giddy teenagers, occasionally stopping in the shadows for stolen kisses. Eventually they made it to his front door and he locked it quickly behind them as they entered.

She slowed entering his bedroom, a few lamps bathing the room in a warm glow. For all of her previous bravado, realising that they were very much alone filled her with anxiety. She knew he wouldn't hurt her, but this was all unfamiliar to her.

He approached her carefully from behind, his hands stroking her arms, pressing gentle kisses to her bare neck. She sighed happily, closing her eyes and feeling the warmth of his skin against hers.

"We don't have to do anything you're not comfortable with," he said softly below her ear, his arms holding her lovingly from behind.

Her soft smile widened, knowing her instincts about him were right. He wasn't like other men she had known. There was nothing cruel about him, nothing entitled. Any hint of dominance was always done with a strict undercurrent of consent. She turned in his arms to wrap her hands around the back of his neck, gazing up at him openly, inhaling the scent of him deeply. She had to tell him, he had to know what he meant to her before they moved any further.

"I love you, Ben," she whispered boldly, her eyes wide and vulnerable.

He sucked in a breath, his dark eyes shining at her in the lamp light and he kissed her desperately, like a gasping man who had finally found water, his hands holding her face and he leaned his forehead on hers, his thumbs softly tracing her cheeks.

"I love you, Rey," he confessed, "More than I've ever loved anything. I don't care where you come from, where I come from…you're my whole world now, nothing else matters except you and I,"

Her heart swelled in her chest and Rey thought that she might start crying at his words. Nobody had ever looked at her the way Ben was looking at her at that moment. He saw her, really saw her. Not as the runaway orphan who had scrapped for everything she ever had, not as the circus performer who had allied herself with the freaks of society, but as Rey. Just Rey.

Emboldened by his words, she silently pulled away from him, holding his hand in hers, pulling him towards the bed.

Her eyes intensely held his as she pulled the belt from her satin dress and it fell to the floor, silently pooling at her feet as he pulled his coat off. He had barely toed his boots off when she pulled him down for another kiss, more tentative than before, his hands fumbling with the buttons on his shirt.

They had undressed in front of each other before, having spent the night with each other so many times, but seeing her now, lying back on his bed with nothing but a satin slip between him and her bare skin, the process had turned into something almost sacred and Ben wanted to commit every second to his memory.

Only his trousers remained when he laid her back, kissing her soundly, his hand a whisper over the fabric and she moaned quietly, pushing against his touch, begging him to increase the pressure. He pulled back, looking into her eyes imploringly.

"Do you trust me?" he whispered, his breathing turning increasingly ragged. She nodded shyly.

"Please Ben," she panted, "Please touch me,"

He leaned in, nuzzling her nose with his until his lips found hers again and his hand trailed a path from her collar bone, across her breast and stomach until it reached the hem of her slip. He paused, feeling her still slightly but she nodded ever so slightly against him in silent permission and he pushed the fabric away from the apex of her thighs.

He groaned against her mouth as his fingers found her. She was so wet for him already and he had to violently push away the instinct to just rip off the remainder of his clothes and take her. She gasped against his mouth, her head falling back against the pillow and he watched with some degree of masculine pride as her eyes fluttered closed at the sensations he was giving her, knowing that nobody else had.

With a painful slowness, he circled her clit with the pads of his fingers, letting her relax against him before he moved his position further down, slipping a single digit inside, biting the inside of his cheek feeling her heat. She was so tight around him and he stilled, letting her get used to the feeling.

"Alright?" he asked softly, pressing a gentle kiss to her neck.

She held the back of his head, pulling him back to her to kiss him fiercely and carefully he began to move in her. Her moans increased as she relaxed against his hand, her discomfort melting away as ripples of pleasure began to take over her body.

"Tell me what you need, my love," he asked, "I need to learn what you like,"

"Higher," she panted, "Touch me like before,"

Angling his large hand, his thumb found her sensitive bundle of nerves again and she whimpered at the dual sensation. Feeling her relax further, knowing she was ready, he added another finger, stretching her further.

He was painfully hard for her, his hips moving instinctively in time with his hand, but he had to control himself. He had the experience. This was about Rey, but he couldn't help his own groans of pleasure feeling every ridge of her as he moved.

"Ben…Oh God," she panted, and he could feel her pulsing around his fingers, the flutter of her orgasm beginning.

"Let go, Rey," he commanded tenderly, nuzzling against her neck, his facial hair sending tingles over her sensitive skin, "Come for me,"

The sensations he was giving her, the longing in his deep voice, knowing that he loved her was all too much for Rey as she gave in, her orgasm washing over her, and she keened, her back arching. He watched in awe as she gave in to the pleasure. She fell back against the pillows, panting as the feeling ebbed away and he carefully removed his hand.

Her eyes fluttered open and she smiled lazily up at him, stroking his cheek. She was glowing.

"You are so beautiful," he gasped, kissing her slowly, "So perfect,"

Her body was still trembling slightly when she sat up and he could only watch, dumbstruck as she grasped the edge of her slip, pulling it from her body, leaving her completely naked before him.

"We're not done yet," she said, her voice rough with desire for him, her eyes hazy with lust and Ben wondered for a moment if he had created a monster. He laughed softly.

"We go at your pace," he said with a smile, "Not mine,"

She smiled at him, and he groaned as her hands trailed down his bare chest towards the waistband of his trousers, insistently beginning to pull at the fastenings. His own hands migrated to hers, finishing the job and he awkwardly shimmied out of the fabric, tossing the pants to the floor without a care.

Rey had seen men before. It was impossible to change and live in such close quarters without seeing such things. He was on his knees on the bed in front of her, between her legs as she sat up, completely bare to her. Tentatively, she reached out, taking hold of his painfully hard length, a guttural grunt escaping from his throat.

Her hand slowly moved along him, his own hand covering her smaller one, showing her how to touch him. Women had held him before, but nothing like this, knowing that she was trying to please him, but there was time for that later. He wanted her. All of her.

He moved her hand and crawled up her body, his cock brushing against her folds, making her gasp in anticipation.

"Are you sure?" He whispered, "Tell me to stop and we'll stop,"

Her hazy eyes sharpened, and she held his gaze, completely overcome by him.

"Take me," she said clearly, "Take all of me, Ben,"

Kissing her soundly, he ground against her, his throbbing erection grinding between her lips, covering himself in her slick and they were both panting with anticipation and want.

"I love you," he whispered against her mouth, pushing himself inside her.

The urge to thrust himself to the hilt inside her heat was crushing his senses but feeling her stiffen and hiss against him made him freeze. She was so wet and while he had carefully prepared her, he was proportional to his body and she was proportional to hers. He kissed her long and slow, staying perfectly still until he felt her relax around him and he could push inside completely.

Rey had heard girls talk, more experienced women who spoke about their sexual experiences. She knew there would be pain the first time, but nothing could really prepare her for the burning sensation.

"I'm sorry," he whispered, "I'm so fucking sorry," he kissed away the stray tear that escaped her watering eyes.

Gently he began to move, groaning at how tight she was around him, feeling every ridge of her around his aching cock.

She began to moan, the burning sensation giving way to pleasure, feeling him fill her, his hips clashing against hers over and over again. She forced herself to open her eyes to look at him, his face etched in concentration and bliss. It was a beautiful sight, his lips parted, panting in ecstasy for her. Every one of his muscles contracting as he moved, powerful above her.

"God, Rey," He growled, "I love you, I love you…"

"Yes, Ben…Oh, God, yes!" She moaned as she tightened around him, the tension pooling in her reaching a critical limit.

He had to feel her break around him, he wanted her pleasure for himself and his hand slipped between them, slick with the sweat from their bodies and her. He found that precious bud of nerves, pressing and circling until she was practically screaming from the feeling. He was so close.

"I'm yours," He panted, "I'm never going to leave you, I'm yours,"

She practically sobbed, her walls tightening around him in painful tension as she came, keening from the bed, her fists balled in the sheets above her head.

It was all the encouragement he needed, barely holding on until she had come back down from her high and he pulled from her quickly, his release jetting onto the bed and her name tumbling from his lips like a prayer. Although he had desperately wanted to, he couldn't risk his seed inside her.

He collapsed to the side of her, pulling her instantly against his body, peppering her face with kisses as their breathing slowed to a regular pace, their synchronised heartbeats returning to normal. Neither spoke, they didn't want to ruin the tranquillity of the moment and he pulled her to his chest while he rolled onto his back.

Ben had never thought it would be like this. Sex was a way to releasing tension, of furthering a family line. It had never been about love before, a pure expression of how he felt when words hadn't seemed like enough.

Now he knew.

Nothing else was important. Not the circus or Luke, his family's expectations, what society and the upper circle thought. The only thing that mattered to him was the precious woman in his arms who had trusted him enough to give herself to him. No matter what happened, he would always be her first and he hoped, her only.

"I love you," he whispered to her, his own eyes beginning to grow heavy.

"I know,"


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben and Luke go to dinner with Ben's parents and Rey wrestles with insecurity.

It was the most blissful sleep Ben could ever remember having.

They lay naked, tangled in each other, her long hair spilling over his chest as she slept soundly against him and small puffs of breath from her nose tickling his skin as he felt the rise and fall of her chest. He watched her curiously, analysing all her features.

When he was a child, he remembered his Mother once telling him that love was compromise. Love was something that grew between two people over a long time and that it took work. It was unsurprising she felt that way, having an arranged marriage. Lying there with Rey in his arms, he couldn’t believe how wrong she may have been. Loving her was effortless. It was an all-consuming feeling that threatened to overwhelm him at any moment.

Last night had been perfect. He smiled to himself reliving every subtle touch and moan, every sensation. She had trusted him completely with her love, with her body, and in return he had been more open and vulnerable than he had ever been with anyone. She hadn’t said anything afterwards, but there was a small niggle in the back of his head that worried he had hurt her, even if he had tried to be as gentle as possible.

“Ben,” she said quietly, her voice still rough with sleep, “Why are you staring at me?” He smiled.

“How did you know I was staring at you?”

Slowly she moved her head, propping her chin on his chest, blinking her bleary eyes up at him.

“Call it a talent,” she said ominously, “How long have you been awake for?” He shrugged, stretching his free arm above his head.

“Not too long,” he sighed, “I wish we could stay like this all day, but we have to be leaving soon,” Rey huffed, her face falling forward onto him.

“No, I refuse,” she groaned, “I renounce my athletic ways and I’ve decided to hibernate instead. I think you should join me,”

Ben chuckled, stroking her hair.

“Would that we could,” He said, “But you’d get bored, you know you would,” Rey looked back up at him mischievously.

“Oh, I don’t know…I’m sure we could find something to do hiding in bed all day,” she grinned, reaching up to kiss him.

He smiled against her lips. He had definitely created a monster.

“So, last night…”

“Was perfect,” she confirmed happily, “I couldn’t imagine it being with anyone else,”

“Good,” he sighed contented, “I was worried that I’d hurt you,” Rey smiled at him with a kind of morbid amusement.

“Ben, for most girls the best they can hope for during their first time is to not bleed or to have someone they can actually stand in bed with them,” she said, “In case you hadn’t noticed, it’s not exactly a woman’s world. The fact I had you, who loves me enough to actually worry about hurting me…you’re practically something out of a God damn fairy tale,”

He winced at her description of a stereotypical first time for women. Even if he knew it was generally true, it didn’t make hearing it any less grim.

“Well, I love you,” he said honestly, stroking her cheek, “and I have too much respect for you more to the point!”

It was a strange thing to hear for Rey, respect. Her whole life the only people who had shown her respect had been Finn or people like Luke. To other women she was considered no better than a prostitute and to men, well, they felt the same as the women, only instead of sneering they made lewd comments trying to convince her to take them to bed. Respect was a new thing and she liked it.

“Come on,” Ben sighed, “time to get up,” He kissed her sweetly before rolling himself out of the bed, naked as the day he was born.

Rey smiled to herself, openly eyeing his naked body as he walked away, only just hiding her disappointment when he grabbed clothes and began dressing.

“Are you going to be watching the show this evening?” She asked, pulling herself from the bed and grabbing her slip to pull on, “Finn and I have been trying this new routine. It’s pretty dangerous but it looks amazing,”

“Ah…I can’t tonight,” Ben said apologetically, “I’m having dinner with my parents,”

Rey paused in her movements, stilling completely.

“Oh,” she said flatly, looking away from him, her eyes falling to the ground and her face blank.

Why hadn’t he mentioned this before? Was he going to tell her? Or better yet, would he have invited her if she wasn’t who she was. Her chest tightened with a dull ache of rejection.

Ben stopped buttoning his shirt and turned to her, sensing her dejection. He moved to hold her shoulders gently, hunching over to try to get her to look him in the eye.

“No, no, it’s not like that,” he insisted, “This isn’t some happy family dinner…Luke is going to be there,”

“Luke…your Uncle Luke,” She said, “Sounds like a family to me…” Ben sighed.

“Rey, this is a business meeting,” he pressed, “Luke has an idea that might help the circus and my Mother has the means to help him. This is going to be all business just like any other meeting, it just so happens that I’m related to everyone at the table,”

She shot him a hurt look that make him flinch.

“Why didn’t you tell me before?” she asked, and he shrugged helplessly.

“I didn’t think it was important,” he said, “It’s not important to me. I’m fairly indifferent to the whole thing. I’m only going because Luke asked me to,”

“So…it’s not…me?” she asked, her voice so small and unsure.

Ben pulled her against his chest, holding her tightly and shaking his head.

“No! God, no, Rey. Please don’t think that,” he begged, “Remember what I told you last night? You are the only thing that matters to me,”

“But don’t you think I should meet your parents?”

Ben sighed. It was the last thing he really wanted, especially his Father. He was judgemental and set in his ways. Han would never see something as frivolous as love to be a reason to break with societal traditions.

“You should, and you will,” He promised, “Just, not right now. Is it selfish to say I just want to keep you all to myself? Just for a while?” He said smiling down at her hopefully.

She relaxed against him, allowing him to kiss her slowly, soothing her worries.

“You have me,” she said quietly, her voice still a little unsure, “Come on, we should get back,”

They finished dressing, leaving Ben’s apartment and walking hand in hand back to the circus. Since he had told her about going to dinner with his parents, Rey had seemed far more subdued than she had before. She still smiled at him, replied to him when he spoke and didn’t shy away from his touch, but it was all with an undercurrent of sadness that he couldn’t put his finger on.

Didn’t she believe him when he had told her that she was all he cared about? Hadn’t he _shown_ her just how much she meant to him? The more the thoughts tumbled in his head, he surmised that it perhaps had something to do with her childhood, the years of abandonment, of being told she wasn’t good enough. That’s what Finn had told him, wasn’t it? He pulled her close to his side as they walked through the door, pressing a kiss to her hair.

He would just have to keep reassuring her, and that was something he was only too happy to do.

Poe was sitting on the edge of the ring, coffee cup in one hand and newspaper in the other. Hearing the door open, he didn’t move from his position, but glanced up with his eyes, a smirk forming on his face as the lovers walked in.

He watched as Ben whispered something to her, a pretty blush on her cheeks as she smiled shyly at him, kissing him deeply before she walked away towards the backstage area. Ben stood watching her leave with a smitten smile on his face.

“Well now, good morning Mr Solo,” Poe called from his spot, dropping his paper in front of him.

Ben turned his head to him, wandering over to where he sat, sitting himself down next to him.

“Good morning, Mr Dameron,” Ben replied, “I see you’re up bright and early,”

“Every day,” Poe quipped, “I have animals to feed you know. So…I noticed you and Rey slipped out quietly last night…”

Ben drew his eyes from the man, huffing a breath. Trust Poe to get straight to the point.

“Careful now…” Ben drawled, drawing a laugh from Poe. The other man sipped his coffee innocently.

“I wasn’t going to say a word,” he began, “Except this…God, you two couldn’t be more obvious if you had it written on your forehead,”

“Well thank you for your observation,”

“I’m just saying Finn is going to know…he’s going to know and there’s a good chance he’s going to try and kill you,” Poe said honestly, “You took that girls virginity so if you hurt her, even by accident…I’m pretty sure he’ll string you up as a warning to others,” Ben scoffed.

“There’s no chance of that happening,” he promised, “Although, she didn’t seem happy when I told her I was seeing my parents tonight…without her,”

“Hmm, and why aren’t you introducing them to the love of your life exactly?” Poe asked curiously.

“Because I’m protecting her from them!” Ben exclaimed, “She doesn’t know them like I do. They can be judgemental…even cruel,”

“Right…but you don’t care what they think?” Poe said, throwing Ben’s own words back at him and Ben sighed.

“I don’t care, no, but I care about her. I love her, and she doesn’t deserve to be subjected to that,” he said firmly.

“So, what are you going to do? This seems like one of those bridges that you need to cross cause it’s coming up pretty quickly…” Ben grumbled, running his hand through his hair as he always did when he was frustrated.

“I’m not sure yet. I need to get this dinner over with first. It’s all business anyway, I don’t plan on making this a family reunion,” he said severely.

“You know and forgive me if this isn’t my place to say,” Poe began, “but since you arrived here, since you settled in, met Rey, you’re like a different guy. You seem I dunno…happy, genuinely happy. Maybe it’s just my thought, but have you ever considered that maybe you don’t need your family’s opinion?”

Ben didn’t say anything. His family’s opinion had been the only thing he had focused on since he was a child. Everything he had done was to gain his Fathers impossible approval. He remembered being a boy, desperate for his Father to say something akin to a compliment on anything he did, the closest being when he had become the top boxer on his University team. Even then, all Han had said was that his championship victory had been one sided in Ben’s favour.

Still, he clung to that backhanded compliment with all he was. The idea that he could walk away from that, free himself, was a terrifying change.

“Food for thought,” Poe finished, and the man stood up, leaving Ben alone with his thoughts.

00000

“Finn, do you think Ben is embarrassed of me?” Rey asked out of the blue as they changed for their performance.

Finn frowned deeply, pulling on his leotard.

“What? Why? What has he said…I’ll kill him!” He said hotly, immediately jumping to the wrong conclusion.

Rey turned from her dressing mirror to face him, shaking her head.

“No! No, he’s not done or said anything…It was just a thought,” she finished in a mumble, her face full of doubt.

Finn wandered over to her, sitting down.

“Why would he be embarrassed of you?” Finn asked, “It’s obvious that he thinks the stars of you,”

“It’s just…he’s going to dinner with his parents tonight and he didn’t tell me, he didn’t ask me if I’d like to meet them,” she whined, “And…I don’t know, it’s probably stupid, but I can’t help but wonder if it’s because of where I come from…”

“Rey,” Finn said gently, “I know you’re scared…being loved, letting yourself be vulnerable, giving someone that power to hurt you, it’s scary. What did Ben say to you about it?”

Tears shone in her eyes while Finn spoke, and she choked back a sudden sob.

“He said that it was all business. That he didn’t really want to go…and that I was the only thing that mattered to him,” she said quietly.

“And why would he lie to you?” Finn said seriously. Rey stilled, her eyes sharpening when she turned back towards her mirror, wiping away the stray tears.

“Because everybody lies,” she said plainly.

Finn shook his head.

“No, Rey,” he said, “Not this one. I can promise you that,”

00000

Ben tugged at the collar of his formal shirt, trying to ease the tightness around his throat.

“Stop fidgeting,” Luke said, “Jesus, barely 2 months since you joined us and you’ve already forgotten what it’s like to wear formal dress,”

“I’ve never liked wearing formal dress,” Ben muttered.

It was true. Of all the elements of high society, stuffing clothing was one of the more irritating elements.

They had arrived in upper Manhattan, the playground of the rich and affluent, people with all the money in the world who could buy whatever they wanted. Except humanity, Ben thought wryly. They entered the lobby of the Regis Hotel, handing their top hats and scarves to the attendants before being walked through to the great dining room.

Ben frowned to himself. He had never noticed how ostentatious it all was before. Gold and glitter and rich velvets dripping all over the place, filled with people wearing their wealth on their sleeves, their fake obnoxious laugher floating around the room.

“Ben!”

His Mother’s voice was the first thing to bring a smile to his face since he and Luke had set off. Leia Organa-Solo and Han Solo sat at one of the best tables the hotel had to offer, his Mother standing and waving at him, oblivious to the scandalised glances she was receiving.

That was Leia. She couldn’t care less what others thought of her, and Ben wished he had the same courage.

They approached the table, Ben kissing his Mother on the cheek.

“Mother, you look lovely,” he said politely before turning to his Father, “Good to see you, Sir,” he said formally.

Han remained seated, his face set seriously as it always was, wearing his naval best for the occasion.

“It’s good to see this circus nonsense hasn’t removed your manners,” Han said. Luke rolled his eyes.

“Still as charming as ever, Han” he said, and Han’s sharp eyes fell to Luke.

“Still trying to convince people you’re a legitimate businessman I see,” Han said sarcastically. Leia sighed.

“Boys, please,” she begged quietly, “We haven’t even begun yet. Can we at least play nice for a while?”

“Fine,” Han deadpanned, “We have some things to discuss anyway, Ben and I,”

Ben tensed in his chair, politely nodding to the waiter who poured his wine. He idly wondered what Rey was doing at that moment. Maybe she was performing as they spoke, and he found himself envious of the crowds.

“That sounds ominous,” Ben said, picking up his glass to take a long drink.

He had a feeling he was going to need alcohol for this.

“You know Ben, Charity Bennett is back in town. Just returned home from her stay in Europe. You remember Charity, don’t you?”

How could Ben forget. Charity Bennett was the daughter of his parent’s close friends. Her Father had served with his and since they had been children, their parents had pushed them together. She was perfectly pleasant as a person, he supposed, although he hadn’t seen her since they were in their late teens.

“I do,” Ben said simply, giving no indication that he cared about the information. Han frowned.

“Well, you know that the offer still stands…I was speaking with her Father the other day,” He pressed, and Ben growled a sigh from his throat.

“Not this again,” Ben huffed, “Father, you know how I feel about arranged marriage…”

“Ben, be reasonable about this. The Bennett family is one of the most prestigious in the country and Charity is extremely eligible…imagine the children!”

“Han, do we really need to discuss this now?” Leia asked cordially, a patient smile on her face that hid her aggravation. Han put his fist on the table with a small bang.

“If not now, when Leia? The boy is 30 years old, it’s time he stopped messing around!” Han spat, his voice raising, the familiar vein that Ben recognised as tension appearing on his forehead.

“If you could not talk about me like I’m not here that would be just lovely,” Ben quipped sarcastically, doing nothing to ease his Father’s mood.

“All I’m saying is have a serious think about it,” Han said, “I mean, unless you have someone else that you want to tell us about?”

Luke caught Ben’s eye across the table, pinning him with a serious look. Now would have been the time to mention that the reason he wasn’t about to enter an antiquated arrangement contract was because his heart already belonged to another.

No, now was not the time and Ben quirked an eyebrow at Luke, silently telling him to get on with it.

“As you know, we’ve been having some issues at the circus with our image,” Luke said, abruptly changing the subject, “And I think I have an idea that will help change that,” Han sniggered.

“Please, as if anything could change that freak show!” he scoffed, sitting back with his wine glass smugly, causing the hair on Ben’s neck to bristle in annoyance.

Once he may have felt the same way as his Father and he was surprised at his sudden, visceral need to defend his Uncle and the others.

“As I was saying,” Luke said sharply, “I want to produce a different kind of show, add some credibility to our business,”

Leia sat silently, listening attentively to Luke and his ideas, how he wanted her to help bring Rose Tico to Manhattan for a run of dates, how he was going to invite Armitage Hux to the opening night with the view to winning him over with a new style of performance in the hope that he would write a positive review.

All the while, Han sat rolling his eyes, occasionally vocally scoffing at Luke’s suggestions. Ben also said nothing, shooting irritated, angry glances towards his Father. Of course, Han paid him no mind.

Once Luke had finished, he waited in anticipation for what Leia thought. After a beat she smiled.

“Well, I like it!” she declared.

“Seriously?!” Han cried, “You think this is actually a good idea!”

“Hush dear,” she dismissed him, looking back to her brother and son, “I think it sounds like a good shot. I’ll make a few inquiries but I’m sure I’ll be able to get a hold of her, I have a few favours I can call in!”

Luke laughed and clapped in excitement, reaching forward and kissing his sister on her cheek while Ben simply smiled smugly at the look on his Father’s irate face.

“Once again, you bail him out,” Han said bitterly, “Honestly Leia, some day you’re going to have to let him work things out on his own!” Leia scowled at him.

“We’re family, Han” she said sternly, “And family helps family,”

Ben couldn’t care less for his parent’s petty squabbles. He was used to it, having grown up with it. His Father’s stern upbringing clashing with his Mother’s carefree spirit constantly had been a frequent theme of his home and it seemed like things hadn’t changed much in the time he had been away.

Mercifully, their dinner finally ended, and Ben couldn’t wait to get away from the cloying atmosphere and constant judgement from his Father. An attendant handed him his hat and scarf, his Father approaching him alone while Luke spoke with Leia.

“Just, remember what I said about Charity,” Han insisted, “I want you to seriously think about it Ben. This life that your Mother has pushed you into, it’s not for you. You know it and I know it,”

Ben sighed, barely hiding his eye roll.

“Alright,” he conceded, “I’ll _think_ about it,” Han smiled triumphantly, reaching out and shaking his Son’s hand.

00000

Ben was weary by the time they had arrived back to the circus, the whole building in darkness save for a few lamps. It was so late that the protestors had given up for the evening, only a few drunk low lives hanging around but not enough to cause any bother.

Rey was already asleep in her room when he slipped inside, trying to close the door as quietly as he could so as not to wake her. He watched her peaceful face as she slept while he changed out of his clothes.

Being back here, with Rey, he felt peaceful, he felt sure of himself and who he was. He had no intention of considering his Father’s proposal. He slid into the bed next to her and she sighed contentedly, snuggling herself next to his body.

“I missed you,” he whispered to her, kissing her forehead.

There, with Rey in his arms, he knew Han was wrong. This life was for him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know some might be a little put out by how I'm writing Han, but I'm running with AU style rules and this Han is kind of an ass, as a strict Father may be in 1849!


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey's abandonment issues and insecurities begin to take hold, Rose's opening night arrives and Rey introduces Ben to birth control.

Rey took a deep breath, her wrapped foot sliding out onto the taunt rope in front of her, her eyes set on the opposite side of the balcony.

She wouldn’t dare look down.

Her arms spread on either side of her body, she took another step forward, feeling her back foot leave the solid safety of the balcony, her whole body suspended high over the circus floor by the thick twine rope.

This was her peace. When she practiced, everything in the world fell away. All the hate and pain, the confusion and insecurities. The only thing that mattered was looking straight ahead, breathing evenly.

And never, ever, look down.

Maybe that was what she should do with when it came to Ben, she thought. There was no doubt that he loved her. He told her every day, it was in all his little gestures, in the way he looked at her, how he touched her in the night when they were alone.

Since their first time, he had been reluctant to give in to their urges too often for fear of her falling pregnant. It was a valid worry, she knew that, but it didn’t make her feel any better. It only reinforced the niggling little voice in the back of her head that told her she wasn’t good enough for him. That perhaps she had disappointed him.

Her unfocused mind made her falter, her body swaying and some people below gasped as she wobbled and righted herself on the rope, taking a deep breath. She was almost in the middle of the rope, too far to turn back. She had to be careful.

Then there were his parents. Even her conversation with Finn, even Ben telling her that it was awful and all he had wanted to do was spend the evening with her, none of that had really made her feel any better. She hated it. After her and Finn had run away, when she joined Luke, Rey had promised herself she would never let anyone make her feel bad about herself for who she was.

In her darker moments, she saw him leaving her. She imagined his blank, indifferent face telling her that it had been fun, but he was leaving for his actual life away from the circus, with some well-bred girl with a brilliant family who he would marry and have beautiful children with. Those dreams made her want to be sick in fear.

Falling in love was just like walking the tightrope, she realised. One wrong move and she was done for.

So deep in her own head, Rey stopped walking on the rope, her chin tilted towards her chest and when her eyes focused she realised that she was doing the one thing she shouldn’t do.

She was looking down.

The people below were so small, they looked like mice running around a cage and she could hear someone’s panicked shout among gasps as the world in front of her began to tilt and suddenly the ground was coming towards her at a rapid rate.

“REY!”

A frantic scream cut through her hazy mind, control of her limbs returning, and she reached out desperately as she fell, trying to grab hold of any of the bars, hoops or ropes that hung around her. Her fingers curled around a hanging bar, gaining enough purchase to hold on for a few seconds before her grip failed and she continued to tumble.

“I’ve got you!” She heard Joe shout, her small body landing in his large, soft arms with a thud, the force of her fall sending them both to the ground, falling from his arms and rolling across the ground, eventually coming to a stop on the dusty floor.

She lay on her back, breathing hard, staring up at the rope she had fallen from. She could hear the thundering of footsteps on the ground as someone ran towards her.

“Jesus fucking Christ, Rey!” Ben cried as he reached her, sliding to his knees, his face coming into her line of vision, “Say something darling, are you alright!?”

She mentally checked herself and other than rolling on the solid ground, miraculously nothing was injured. She smiled up at him.

“That’s some rush,” she laughed breathlessly, and Ben exhaled loudly in relief, his head tipping forward as tension left his shoulders.

Carefully, Rey sat up, her head looking towards the rope high above them in awe of how far she had fallen. Ben held her face, his eyes scanning her for any signs of injury or distress.

“What happened?” he asked, and she shrugged.

“I don’t know,” she muttered, “I guess I just lost focus,” His head tilted to the side in question.

“What were you thinking about?” He asked. Rey smiled.

“Nothing,”

00000

“It’s not like you to lose focus,” Ben said, “Are you sure you’re alright?”

They lay idly on her bed, Ben in only his vest and dress pants and Rey in her silk robe. It was the evening of Rose Tico’s opening night and Luke had given everyone the afternoon off to get ready for an evening at the theatre. After Rey’s scare, Ben had decided the best thing for them to do was to steal some time alone.

“I told you, I’m fine,” she said sincerely, “I just started thinking at the wrong time, that’s all,”

Ben propped himself up on his elbow, lying on his side to look down on her.

“Thank God Joe was there,” he mumbled, “Or…Jesus, Rey, you could be dead!”

She shushed him gently, stroking his face, feeling his goatee under the soft skin of her fingers.

“Hazards of the job,” she said, and Ben frowned.

“Maybe you should have a less dangerous job…”

“Like lion taming? Knife throwing? Oh, how about fire eating?” she teased. Ben rolled his eyes.

“Alright, you’ve made your point…the circus is dangerous,” he said, “At least tonight we get to do something a little different,”

“Luke seems to be excited anyway,” Rey commented, “Seems to think this is his way in with the highbrow…”

“Urgh, that’s only because he’s forgotten how suffocating they can be,” Ben said, screwing his face up in distaste, “He’ll remember soon enough…I just hope his plan works,”

The protests had been getting worse as the weeks rolled on and newer acts arrived. It was only the line of police protection that prevented them from really doing anything.

“And since we’re on the subject,” Ben said, changing his tone, “I actually have something for you!”

He bounced from the bed and Rey sat up, pulling her knees to her chest to watch him with an amused smile. He approached her wardrobe, opening the door and pulling out a long evening gown. The dress looked to be slim fitting with an empire line and capped sleeves in a deep burgundy colour and covered in sparkling black beading. Rey gasped, jumping from the bed and rushing over to him, reaching out to feel the fabric.

“Ben, you didn’t…” she breathed, “This must have cost a fortune. You really didn’t have to do this,”

“Do you like it?” he asked nervously, hanging the dress up, “There’s gloves and shoes and a shawl to match but…”

Throwing her arms around his neck, she cut off his sentence with a deep kiss, pressing her body against his. He was relieved when she smiled brightly at him.

“It’s beautiful, Ben,” she gushed, “But you really didn’t have to,” He shook his head.

“No, I did. You deserve it,” he said sincerely, “Besides, that means you’ll match with me. My waistcoat and tie will be the same colour,” She gazed up at him in confusion, still clinging around his neck.

“What do you mean? We’re going together?” He shot her a bemused smile, his head tilting.

“Of course, we’re going together,” he said, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world, “You’re my girl,”

She had no response except to pull him back to her for an enthusiastic kiss, her tongue insistent against his, his breathing harsh through his nostrils as she pulled him back towards the bed, his hands tangling in her hair.

The back of her knees hit the bed and they fell backwards, his hands skimming over her barely covered skin while she gripped his bare shoulders, sliding his braces down his arms. Her lips travelled along his jaw, leaving a burning trail towards his throat when he growled to himself, a modicum of self-control returning.

“Rey, Rey, stop…we can’t,” he grunted, “It’s too risky,”

“But Ben…” Rey began to protest, but he shook his head, still lying over her, his long dark hair falling in front of his face while his eyes burned with desire and frustration.

“No, Rey…if you end up pregnant…”

“Ben…”

“I don’t want that for you, not like…this…” She clamped her hand over his mouth.

“Ben! Will you just…shut up for 2 seconds!” she smirked, shimming her body out from under him and leaving Ben still on all fours on the bed staring after her, bewildered.

She skipped over to her dressing table, opening a small wooden box and pulling out a strange, small muslin bag.

“I’ve been thinking a lot about our…problem and I was chatting with a few of the girls and, well…”

She opened the bag, pulling out what it contained, and Ben blinked at her.

“Is that what I think it is?” Rey nodded.

“If you think it’s a condom then…yes, yes, it is,” she smirked. Ben turned to sit on the bed, still staring at her.

There were only certain types of people who had access to that kind of thing and as far as Ben was aware, Rey was neither.

“Dare I ask where you acquired those?” Rey shrugged, walking back towards the bed.

“From a couple of friends…”

“Friends? Dock…friends?” Rey rolled her eyes.

“I’m part of the circus, Ben, are you really surprised that I know those types of people?”

He was about to protest but soon he relented, shrugging and shaking his head. He supposed she was right, but he was suddenly glad that she hadn’t followed in their career choices.

“Look, if you don’t want to use it then that’s fine…” she began, and he jumped off the bed, sweeping her into his arms and kissing her soundly.

“Hmm, I’m not sure,” she teased, “All this talking, do we even have the time?” Ben growled low in his throat, nipping at her neck.

“We’ll make the time,”

00000

The grand theatre was buzzing with excitement and anticipation of Rose Tico’s performance.

All manner of people from the upper classes were arriving by carriage and on foot from all over New York City, making their way into the theatre to take their seats for what Luke had promised was the performance of a lifetime. Rose Tico, live for the first time in Manhattan.

Ben stood backstage with Luke, his Uncle pacing anxiously.

“Will you stop? Luke, you’re making me sea sick…”

“Everyone is here Ben! _Everyone_!” Luke exclaimed, his voice pitched, “I can’t believe this. It’s better than I could have imagined!”

“Then why are you so nervous? The hard part is over, you got them all here,” Ben said. Luke stopped his pacing and shook his head vigorously.

“But it’s not Ben! What if she bombs? What if she can’t sing?! I am going on her reputation alone here! If this doesn’t work, we’ll be ruined!”

Ben grabbed Luke by the shoulders.

“Luke! Calm down!” He said, shaking him slightly, “Listen, everyone will be arriving now. I’m going to go out and meet them, are they going in your private box?”

“Yes, yes…my box is ready for them,” Luke muttered shakily, “Make sure they have a good time. Anything they want to drink, let them have it,”

“Done,” Ben replied, “Will you be alright here by yourself?”

“I suppose I’ll have to be,” Luke sighed, “Go on now, go and have a good time,”

Ben nodded and turned to leave the backstage area, leaving Luke to return to his pacing. He walked through the theatre, nodding his polite greetings to anyone he knew until his name made him pause.

“Oh, my word, Ben Solo?”

He stopped and turned to the woman calling his name in astonishment. A young woman with long blonde hair and blue eyes approached him, a familiar smile on her face.

“Charity?” Ben said, “I didn’t know you were back in Manhattan so soon,” She nodded, smoothing her pale blue dress with her silk gloved hands.

“I arrived back home about a week ago,” she said cheerfully, “It’s been so long. How have you been? My parents tell me you’re working with your Uncle now?” She reached out, touching his arm, not noticing him stiffen at her touch.

“I am,” Ben said carefully, “My Mother has a very persuasive way of asking for help,”

Charity laughed prettily, her loose, light hair floating around her face.

“It was actually your parents who invited me this evening,” Charity said, “As well as my Mother and Father, we’re going to be sharing your families box,”

Ben clenched his jaw, smiling tightly at her while he tried to hide his aggravation. After the conversation he had with his Father about Charity over dinner, it was far too much of a coincidence that Han happened to invite the Bennett’s to join them.

“Ah, Ben, I see you’ve already ran into Charity!” Han’s voice sounded from behind him and he approached his Son, “I trust you’ll be joining us in our regular box for the performance?”

Ben’s jaw worked in annoyance, barely containing his anger at his Father, but he knew he could hardly say what he wanted in front of polite company. Instead, he shot Han a cold smile that didn’t reach his eyes and he shook his head.

“Actually, no,” Ben replied, “I’m going to be in Luke’s box this evening with the rest of my co-workers,”

“Co-workers! Come now, Ben, you can’t be serious,” Han laughed, “It’ll give you and Charity a chance to catch up,”

“I’m afraid I’m quite serious,” he said sternly, softening somewhat when he turned to his childhood friend, “I’m sorry Charity, another time,”

He turned away from the pair, leaving no time for Han to protest Ben’s decision. It was only when he caught a flash of burgundy disappearing at the top of the stairs leading to the boxes did he realise that there was a chance his conversation had been watched.

00000

It was grander than anything Rey had even been part of.

Wearing the outfit Ben had gifted her with, her hair pulled back into a sleek, low chignon, Rey felt like she even belonged. She had been escorted to the theatre by Poe, who looked dashing himself in his suit, Rey commenting that it was the first time she had seen him in anything so formal. Everyone else had already arrived and were seated in Luke’s box.

“Are you coming?” Poe asked when Rey paused at the top of the stairs. She shook her head.

“I’m going to see if I can find Ben,” she replied, “You go on without me,”

She had agreed that Ben should go on early to deal with Luke, promising that she would be fine to arrive without him and that she would see him there. He had apologised profusely, promising that he would make it up to her.

She knew there was a reason. A good reason, but she couldn’t shake the familiar insecure feeling that he didn’t want to enter the theatre with her.

Then she saw him, and her heart leapt. He was always handsome but that evening, dressed in his finest tails, his facial hair trimmed and neat, his long hair tamed while still maintaining his rugged carefree style. He was striking.

But not as striking as the woman he was talking to.

Rey frowned. She was beautiful, the stranger smiling at him with uncomfortable familiarity. Her pale blue dress toned beautifully with her long fair hair, her blue eyes shining. She looked positively angelic.

She touched his arm. Why was she touching him?

Rey took a deep breath to try and calm her beating heart.

_It’s nothing. It’s nothing. It’s all in your head, Rey. STOP IT._

As an older man approached Ben and the stranger, Rey decided that the only way she was going to push the uncomfortable thoughts from her head was to turn her back and ignore what she was seeing.

Turning on her heel, she quickly walked to the box, inhaling deeply through her nostrils to subdue the sting in her eyes. She wouldn’t cry, she couldn’t. She had to trust him.

“Hey, I thought you were meeting Ben?” Poe asked as she walked into the box, taking her seat, the last empty on next to her being left for Ben.

“Oh, I couldn’t find him,” She lied, “He’ll just meet us here,”

Moments later, the source of her turbulent emotions appeared through the door, smiling softly at her when his eyes met hers. For that moment, gazing at him, Rey forgot all about the mysterious blonde woman.

“Rey, you look absolutely breath taking,” he said sincerely, taking his seat next to her, “I thought I was meeting you at the doors?”

“I thought it might be easier for you to meet me in here,” she said, her voice betraying her calm face, “That way you wouldn’t need to answer any awkward questions,”

Ben frowned in confusion.

“What do you mean?” he asked. Rey shrugged, looking out towards the stage instead of meeting his eyes.

“You know what would happen if you entered arm in arm with me. Too many people know you, they’d want to know who I am…”

“And I would tell them!” Ben said in a hushed whisper, aware that they were surrounded by their friends, “Rey, have I ever given you any indication that I’m ashamed of you?” he reached out and stroked her cheek, gently imploring her to look at him.

“No…” She sighed, his thumb stroking her cheek, coaxing a smile from her.

“No, because I’m not,” he promised, “Sweetheart, I love you...whether you’re flying through the air covered in diamonds or dressed to the nines at the theatre. I fell in love with you, just you…come on, give me a smile,”

He dipped his head, his dark eyes shining at her and slowly a smile spread on her face, matching his own affectionate grin. He leaned forward, capturing her in a kiss.

“Ben, what if someone sees?” She whispered against his lips. Ben shrugged.

“Let them,”

00000

Han’s mouth remained a grim line as he sat in the Organa-Solo family box, Leia making polite conversation with the Bennett family.

It was bad enough that Ben was working with Luke, but now he was actively choosing those people over his own family? It was unthinkable.

Han had hoped that seeing Charity would have brought Ben to his senses. It was a perfect plan. The two of them could re-connect in the innocent surroundings of the theatre and Ben could see that Han’s proposal was the smart choice to make.

Charity had grown into a beautiful woman. Ben would have to be an idiot to pass up what was on offer.

He sighed gruffly to himself, picking up his opera glasses. Luke’s box. Ben said he would be sitting in Luke’s box. Fine, Han thought to himself, let’s see the kind of people he was choosing over his own family.

He lifted the tiny binoculars to his eyes and scanned the room until he found the correct box, his lips curling into a silent sneer. Who on earth would let those people in a theatre?

Then something caught his eye. Ben was sitting next to a woman with dark hair. Not just sitting next to her, no. He was holding her hands, turning in his chair to face her, holding her cheek. That was no casual conversation, it was too intimate.

Han watched, a scowl firmly on his face as his son leaned forward and kissed the woman sitting next to him.

Now he knew why Ben was turning his back on his family, on everything he had been raised to believe in. He was throwing everything away for circus trash.

Grinding his teeth, hand dropped the glasses, tearing his eyes away from the scene as the house lights dropped and Rose Tico took to the stage.

00000

Rose was nothing like Rey expected. Not that she really knew what to expect.

For one thing, she was shorter but as soon as she opened her mouth to sing it didn’t matter. The small woman had the sold-out theatre in the palm of her hand, her beautiful melodic voice soaring over the orchestra.

Rey was sitting so close to Ben that his body was pressed to hers, his hand holding hers firmly. She very much wanted to drop her head to his shoulder, but the stuffy, formal atmosphere wouldn’t allow for such actions and they had already possibly caused a scandal by openly kissing as they had.

“Follow me out to the hall in 30 seconds,”

Rey inhaled sharply feeling his breath on her ear as he leaned in and whispered to her before he let go of her hand, standing and leaving the box. Her stomach fluttering, she wasn’t sure if she was going to make it to 30 seconds.

Excitement threatening to boil over, Rey stood and walked from the box into the eerily empty hall, wandering slowly towards the stairs, finding Ben waiting for her at the bottom, a playful smile on his face. She descended the stairs towards him and found herself instantly pulled into his arms, his lips crashing on hers.

She was helpless against him, being pushed against the wall, her arms wrapping around his neck.

“What about the performance?” She said breathless, “What if someone catches us?”

“I am far more interested in the sounds I can get you to make,” Ben growled seductively in her ear, “There’s nobody here. Everyone is inside the hall,”

It was all the encouragement Rey needed and she melted against him, all her former insecurities being quickly forgotten under his attentions and she moaned against him as he deepened their kiss. For one blissful moment, nothing else mattered to them except each other.

“I can’t fucking believe what I’m seeing,”

Rey froze in fear, Ben growling under his breath and turning towards the man that spoke, tucking Rey close behind him protectively. Rey peaked over Ben’s shoulder to see the man she had spotted earlier and seeing them both together up close, she suddenly spotted the family resemblance.

It was Admiral Han Solo. Ben’s father.

“So, this is the reason you didn’t want to sit with your family tonight?” Han spat, his face contorted in anger.

“If you must know, yes,” Ben fired back. He pulled himself to his full, considerable height, chest puffing at the challenge, his nostrils flaring, “I would rather spend time with the woman I love than be forced into one of your awkward schemes. Don’t think I didn’t realise what the hell you were doing inviting the Bennett’s tonight,”

Han’s jaw worked in silent rage, Rey recognising the action having seen Ben do it so often and she pressed herself closer to Ben’s back trying to hide away from the older man. This was exactly what she had been afraid of and the fear and self-doubt she had been trying to ignore was quickly rushing back to the surface.

“You’re going to throw your life away, is that it?” Han sneered, “We gave you every chance in life and you’re going to waste it all and for what? This carnival trash!”

“Don’t you dare speak to her that way!” Ben shouted, stepping forward, his dark eyes blazing. Han only raised his chin at his son.

“You can buy her all the pretty dresses in the world, you can drape her in diamonds for all it matters but a low-class whore is always going to be just that,”

Han’s words hit Rey like a hammer in the chest, driving the air from her lungs. She couldn’t breathe, her head was spinning. Air. She needed air. She pushed past Ben, striding as fast as she could while still maintaining what dignity she had left and leaving through the large main door.

“Rey!” Ben called after her, trying to reach for her hand but she slipped from his grasp and he watched helplessly as she left.

His eyes as cold as ice, Ben turned to look back at his Father. Han didn’t even have to grace to look remotely apologetic for his words.

“How dare you speak to her that way!” Ben snarled, low and dangerous, “You don’t have the right!”

“You forget your place, Ben,” Han said, his voice far more controlled, “In time, you’ll see…that girl isn’t what she seems,”

Ben sneered at Han’s words.

“My place? Father, if this is meant to be my place then I don’t want any part of it!”

He turned away from Han to walk out of the door, his tone leaving no room for a reply, not that he was going to stay and hear it. His fists clenched, his knuckles white and his shoulders still shaking with barely controlled white-hot rage, Ben walked out into the Manhattan night to try and find Rey.

00000

He finally found her back at the circus building.

In a panic he had marched down the streets, questioning passers by if they had seen a young woman in a burgundy dress. After her experience, Ben was never comfortable with Rey walking the streets a night by herself.

He threw the doors to the circus open, breathing heavily from his frantic run through the streets. She had changed from her dress and was wearing her practice shorts and sleeveless top, her hair pulled down and her wraps already around her feet.

Breathing a sigh of relief, he rushed forward to try and take her into his arms, but she shook her head, stepping backwards away from him. Her eyes seemed haunted, avoiding his gaze as he held his arms out carefully, like she was an animal that would bolt at any minute.

“Rey…they’re small minded people,” he said softly, and her eyes snapped to his.

“It’s not just them,” she replied, “You’ve never had anyone look at you the way your Father looked at me…that’s the way everyone would look at us,”

“That’s not true,” Ben insisted, stepping forward and grabbing the hanging rope from her hand, “He is just one narrow minded, old fashioned fool and I don’t give a damn what he thinks!”

“Who was that woman you were talking to earlier?” Rey asked suddenly, the question catching Ben off guard.

“What woman? When?”

“The blonde woman you were talking to with your Father,” she questioned, “You looked quite close…”

Ben reached out to her, comforted when he noticed she didn’t flinch from his touch and he held her shoulders, staring deeply into her eyes, imploring her to listen to him.

“Her name is Charity Bennett. She’s a family friend who I haven’t seen in almost 10 years, but I swear that is all. I barely know the girl!” He stressed.

“Well it seems like Han wants you to get to know her better…” She scoffed bitterly.

He captured her lips in a desperate kiss, hoping that the physical action could portray just how far gone he was for her, that Charity and his Father’s words meant nothing to him. She was still against him at first but soon softened against him. It pained him, feeling the tears on her cheeks against his skin and he wanted to instantly go back and tear Han to pieces for his words.

His poor, broken, beautiful girl. Ben wanted to burn everything in the world that tried to hurt her. He wanted to kiss away her tears and hide her from all the ugly things that made her cry. She deserved beauty and love and he wanted to be the one to give that to her.

“Marry me,” he whispered simply against her lips and she pulled back abruptly, blinking at him wide eyed in shock.

“What?” She breathed, and he smiled at her, like a man who had just made the more amazing discovery.

“I want you to marry me,” he sincerely declared, “I want you to be my wife!”

“But what about…”

“No!” he cut her off, “Rey, you’re the one. I choose you, only you…for the rest of my life,”

She stared at him in awe, her lip trembling. He was choosing her. From the moment she was born, Rey had been passed over. She watched other children be chosen for adoption over her, she was sent from home to home always being told that there was something wrong with her.

Asking her to marry him, not just be with him, but to actually marry him was the most public declaration of devotion that she could think of.

“Say that again…” she breathed.

He quirked his head curiously at her until the metaphorical penny dropped and he realised what she was asking. He smiled softly, pulling her back to him, his forehead pressed to hers.

“I choose you, Rey,” he said, “Over everything and everyone, I choose you. I feel in love with your courage, your sincerity, your flaming self-respect and even when the world wants to claim that you’re not all you appear simply because of where you come from, I still believe in all these things!”

Tears flowed freely down her cheeks and he wiped them away, kissing her passionately.

“I’m not perfect, Rey. I will say stupid things, I’ll still fall back on my upbringing and I know I can be uptight sometimes, but I’m trying. Push all of that aside and you will never find anyone who loves you as much as I do, so please…marry me?”

“Okay,”

“Okay?”

“Yes,”

“Yes?”

“Yes, I’ll marry you Ben!” she declared with a disbelieving laugh, tears still in her eyes.

Ben felt giddy, grabbing her around the waist and spinning her around as he laughed in joy, setting her back to her feet and kissing her soundly. She giggled against his lips.

“I love you, Rey,” Ben said, “It’s just you and me, sweetheart,” She smiled up at him.

“Just you and me,”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Having to do some research on Victorian era birth control was an interesting education, I'll tell ya!
> 
> Yes, Han is horrible and I'm sorry. It's just as weird to write as it probably is to read. Victorian Era Father's aren't into the idea of their only children (especially their Son who is the only option to further the family line) running off with less than desirable ladies!
> 
> Please comment, review and let me know what you think :D


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Han puts a plan in motion to try and save his Son.

 Han had been quiet the rest of the evening, only really answering comments and questions directed his way and even then, only in a few sentences.

He was polite as he could be, but his incandescent rage at what had transpired in the theatre hall was still burning. It seemed so obvious to him now and he was ashamed he hadn’t seen it earlier. No wonder Ben had been so against the arranged marriage.

Some low class, circus whore had managed to sink her hooks into his Son.

Han himself knew what it was like to come from humble beginnings. He had been the son of a dock worker and a maid and he worked himself to the bone to reach a rank that was worthy of marrying Leia Organa. His Son deserved better than what this Rey could offer.

Rose Tico’s performance had been sublime. Being so distracted throughout was just another thing Han was angry about.

“Han, will you please tell me what’s wrong?” Leia asked as they entered their private carriage, having said goodnight to the Bennetts, “You’ve been in a foul mood almost the whole evening. Now I know that’s not new for you, but this has been another level!”

“I told you Leia,” Han barked, “I told you that Luke’s little freak show would be the end of him!”

“Oh, Han. Is this because he would rather have sat with his new friends? He’s a grown man!” She said rolling her eyes and Han scowled further.

“From what I could see, one of them is certainly more than a friend!” He sneered, “He’s been fooling around with some circus girl!”

All Leia could do was raise her eyebrows in surprise, a small ‘hmm’ resonating from her throat but she didn’t appear to be as horrified as Han had hoped, which only stoked his anger.

“Is that all you can say?!” He exclaimed, “Our Son, our _only_ Son is throwing himself in with that lot! His career, his life, everything we’ve given him!”

“Han, you know that all I want is to see Ben happy!” Leia replied evenly, “If this girl makes him happy then who are we to get involved. I know you had hoped that he would choose your friend’s daughter…but we can’t force him to do anything,”

“We’re his parents,” Han ground out, “and that girl is nothing but a gold digging harlot who is going to break his heart. Mark my words, Leia, that girl is trouble!”

“Whatever you say, Han,” Leia said wryly, “But please, whatever you do…promise me that you will _not_ get involved? This is not our place!”

Han turned to face out of the carriage window, saying nothing, his mouth a thin line as his jaw clenched in frustration.

“ _Promise_ me!” Leia reiterated.

“Fine,” Han growled.

They spent the remainder of the carriage ride in silence, both deep in thought. Han knew he had just lied to his wife, but he couldn’t bring himself to care. There was no way he would let a no-one from nowhere interfere with his plans for his Son.

00000

He was all around her.

She lay back on her bed, her eyes fluttering, her mouth parted as her breathing became more ragged. His hands held her thighs firmly as worked his way, kissing from her ankle, teasing and nipping at the sensitive skin on her inner thigh.

“Ben…” She moaned softly, and he smiled wickedly against her skin.

“Yes sweetheart?” he asked innocently, chuckling under his breath hearing her growl in frustration.

“Please…”

“Please what? You have to use your words darling,” he said, his voice low, rumbling from his chest.

He was enjoying teasing her but seeing her laid before him, he had to fight the urge to dive straight to her with abandon.

“Say it,” he prompted, “Go on, say it,”

“I need you to make me cum,”

Her declaration was all the encouragement Ben needed and he licked a burning stripe with his broad tongue from her hot centre to her clit, latching onto the sensitive bundle of nerves and sucking, dragging a high-pitched moan from Rey’s throat, one of her hands twisting in her sheets while the other tangled in his hair.

Still holding one of her legs, he released a thigh and slowly entered two fingers into her heat, stroking deeply as he alternated the pattern he was making with his tongue.

“God, Ben!” Rey cried, unable to stop herself from thrusting towards his face, trying to pull him as close to her as possible, “Harder, please harder!”

He hummed against her, thrusting faster with his fingers and sucking harder, fighting a smile at the sounds she was making for him, his chest puffing with pride, knowing that he was the only one who would ever make her feel this way.

His fiancée.

Holding her leg with a firmer grip to keep her steady, he gently grazed his teeth over her clit ever so slightly, just enough to send a shock through her spine.

Rey cried out, pulling his hair harder but the pain was one he would welcome any time, the sensation of his fingers and the sharp feeling of his teeth on her sensitive nub. Her whole body felt like it was on fire, his grip on her body anchoring her as she climbed higher and higher towards her peak.

Seeing white, she keened from the bed, her thighs clamping around his ears as her orgasm shook her, sending shocks through her body until she collapsed against the bed, breathing hard.

Ben wiped his soaked face, climbing up her body, dotting her skin with kisses as he went until he reached her lips, savouring the feeling of her whimpering against him as the final aftershocks of her orgasm subsided. She smiled hazily up at him, pushing his messy hair from his face.

“I love you,” she breathed, and he grinned affectionately at her.

She was so receptive to everything he did. It was instinctual, his body moulding to hers perfectly.

“I love you more,” He said, kissing her again, “Which reminds me, I have something for you…”

She watched as he hopped from the bed, naked as the day he was born, wandering over to his coat hanging on the back of the chair. He rummaged through the inner pockets, retrieving a small, very old, blue velvet box.

Rey pulled her knees to her chest, equally as naked as him, watching curiously as he came back to sit in front of her.

“I realised that my proposal the other night was missing something,” he said, and he opened the box towards her.

She audibly gasped at the contents. Inside, nestled in a bed of white silk was a ring made of gold, a large oval cut emerald surrounded by a halo of small diamonds, all sparkling at her in the light of her bedroom.

“It was my grandmother’s,” Ben said nervously, his eyes flicking between the ring and Rey’s reaction, “She left it to my Mother who gave it to me…to give to the girl I want to be my wife,”

Rey tore her eyes away from the beautiful ring, gazing up at him in open mouthed shock. She had never seen something so beautiful, so precious, and he was giving it to her.

“Ben, I can’t accept this!” she gasped, and he smiled at her permissively, taking the ring out of the box.

“You absolutely can. I’m giving it to you,” he declared, “I want you to be my wife and more importantly, I want everyone else to know it too,”

He picked up her left hand while she was still too much in shock to pull away and he pushed the ring onto her finger gently.

“See, it fits perfectly,” He grinned, “How can you tell me this ring wasn’t meant for you?”

Rey was still in shock, picking up her hand dumbly to stare at the jewellery. Nobody had ever given her anything so beautiful or expensive in her whole life. God, selling the thing would have been enough to set her for life but it was priceless in so many other ways.

There was no way anyone could ever miss it, the way it glittered on her hand and he wanted her to wear it. He wanted everyone to know that she was his, and he was hers and they were going to be together for the rest of their days. Her heart felt like it was going to burst in her chest, swelling with so much love for the man in front of her.

She snatched his head, Ben making a rather ungraceful sound in surprise as she kissed him passionately.

“So…you like it then?” he asked, gasping for breath when they pulled a part and she grinned widely at him.

“It’s perfect,”

00000

“Are you sure you have to go?”

Rey and Ben had spent the rest of their late morning in bed, eventually both relenting that they would have to leave her bedroom and face the rest of the world.

Ben turned back to her with an apologetic smile on his face, pulling his braced up his shoulders before grabbing his button-down shirt.

“I’m afraid so,” he answered, “The last time I let Luke go out and make a purchase for the circus, he came back $7000 worse off, with 2 elephants and nothing for me to actually record it with. At least this time, if I’m the one to do it, I can do a little negotiating on his behalf!”

Rey pulled her hair back into a long braid, preparing to go down to the ring.

“I suppose I should do some practice,” she sighed, “Finn has been on my back about some new routines, so it’s time to get creative again,” Ben frowned.

“Just…maybe not the tightrope this time,” he cautioned, “I really don’t want to come back to find out you’ve had an accident,” Rey wandered over to kiss him soundly.

“I promise,” She said, “I won’t go up there without the net again,”

“Hmm. Good,”

They left her room hand in hand, Rey kissing him goodbye at the door, ignoring the smirks and knowing looks from the rest of the circus crew that spotted them.

“Honestly, you’re leaving her for half a day,” she heard Luke chastise Ben as the front door closed. He headed back towards his office with a friendly smile, leaving her alone in the ring to start preparing the ropes.

The circus building was quiet in the hazy afternoon, most people heading off to rest and prepare for the evening performance.

She was just about to begin climbing when she heard a man’s throat clear behind her and she turned, freezing when she saw the imposing figure.

“Good afternoon…Rey, was it?”

Han Solo was standing in front of her, dressed in his usual expensive finery, a stern expression on his face, his eyes hard as steel.

“Oh! Admiral Solo…Ben isn’t here right now,” Rey muttered, casting her eyes awkwardly towards the ground. He stepped towards her.

“Well, it’s good to know you carnival folk still have manners to address people by their titles,” he drawled, “I’m not actually here to speak to Ben. I’m here to speak to you,”

“Me?” she questioned with wide, fearful eyes, her heart drumming a rhythm in her chest, “Why would you want to speak to me? You made it quite clear the other night how you feel about me,”

A strange expression crossed the older mans face. It wasn’t remorse, but there was something akin to annoyance. He was so guarded Rey really couldn’t tell and it only made her anxiety feel worse.

“Rey, what I said…well it came out all wrong, but my sentiment remains,” Han said clearly, and Rey scoffed.

“Is that your version of an apology?”

“Ben is my only Son and I want what’s best for him, myself and his Mother,” Han said, “We worked very hard to make sure he had the brightest future possible. The best schools, all the resources we could offer…and now he’s going to ruin himself…for you…”

“Ruin himself?” Rey repeated, her hand absently feeling the ring he had placed on her finger only that morning. Han nodded earnestly.

“Yes. If he stays with you, he’ll never reach his full potential, surely you must see that?”

Rey stilled. It had been something she had thought of often. Ben was brilliant, intelligent and altogether far too good. She would sometimes lie awake and wonder what else he could be doing if he hadn’t met her, if he had assisted Luke then left the way he had always planned to.

“He’s happy with you now, sure. You’re different to the other girls, a novelty…but do you really think you could make him happy? Do you really believe he’ll settle down here in that small apartment? What will you do when you have children? Where will they go to school…what could you possibly offer them?”

“You don’t know what you’re talking about!” Rey tried to protest but her voice sounded weak in her ears. Han smiled at her but there was no warmth in his eyes.

“I’m afraid I do, Rey. Ben will lose everything if he stays with you. His inheritance, his connections…all of it…and it will be all _your_ fault. Do you really want to be the reason?”

Rey bit her lip to stop it from quivering, willing the brewing tears to stay away. She couldn’t cry in front of Han Solo. She couldn’t show him that his words were affecting her so deeply.

But they were. She had become so wrapped in this fantasy world of coloured lights and whispered promises. Promises that she had known deep down would never be kept and now she felt like a cold iced bucket of reality was being dumped on her head, finally waking her from the perfect dream she had constructed.

“Go to him. Tell him it’s over,” Han commanded, standing his full considerable height, watching her shoulders slump in defeat with a degree of satisfaction.

“He’ll fight for me…he loves me…” Rey whispered, feeling like the air had been driven out of her stomach.

“You’re a bright girl and from what I’ve heard an excellent performer, make him believe you don’t love him,” Han said simply, “Hurt him to save him,”

Her whole body was shaking, her knees weakening as the tears in her eyes spilled over her lashes, running unbidden down her cheeks at what she was being told to do, what she knew she had to do.

How could someone like Ben really give everything up for her? Han was right, she couldn’t be his downfall. She wasn’t worth it.

“Oh, I almost forgot,” Han said, reaching into his breast pocket and pulling out a roll of dollars, dropping it at her feet.

“For your trouble,” he mocked cruelly, turning and walking away from her without a second look back as Rey sank to her knees, giving in to the sobs she had been trying to hide.

Her cries echoed around the airy building and, unbeknownst to her, the only other person to hear them was Luke Skywalker who had watched the interaction curiously from the balcony.

00000

_Everyone lies_

She repeated her own words back to herself like a mantra as she flew through the air, the noise from the crowd doing nothing to drown out her own erratic heartbeat. She had to do it soon. If she left it any longer she would lose her nerve. She would be selfish, drag him down for the sake of her own happy ending.

Her routine ended, and she took her bow, a false smile plastered on her face.

_Inside my heart is breaking, but my smile lives on…_

Wordlessly she went backstage, avoiding her usual route so she didn’t run into Ben too quickly. He always came to meet her, but her nerve was waning. She had to prepare, she had to think. She changed, brushing out her hair and pulling on her navy satin dress.

Outside. Yes, outside the back of the building would be best. It was quiet, nobody around and she needed the fresh air. She quickly poured herself a shot of bourbon, downing the liquid courage with a shaky hand. God, she was almost crying already, how would he ever believe that she was sincere?

“There you are! I was looking for you,” She spun around, startled by his voice when he found her outside, “You weren’t at the curtain…Rey? What’s wrong?”

He knew instantly that something wasn’t right. The way she was standing, her arms wrapped protectively around herself, the light quivering of her shoulders. Rey bit her lip to maintain control.

“We have to end it Ben,” she said, attempting to make her voice sound as resolute as possible.

Ben stilled, his eyes widening with the impact of her words. Had he heard her correctly? End it?

“What?” he breathed, stepping forward, “What about the other night? What about…about…everything!?”

“We can’t get married, Ben,” Rey said, “I…I don’t belong with you. You don’t belong with me, this is a fool’s dream and I’m putting a stop to it before it goes any further!”

Ben rushed towards her, holding her by the shoulders and she squeezed her eyes closed to avoid looking at him, inhaling his aftershave and memorising every note of the scent. It would be the last time he was this close to her.

Ben narrowed his eyes in suspicion.

“What’s happened? Something isn’t right, tell me what’s wrong!” he ordered, his own jaw trembling. Rey shook her head.

“It’s nothing…”

“It’s not _nothing_ , Rey, tell me the truth!”

_Everyone lies_

She opened her eyes to look at him, his own drilling into her like daggers ripping through her chest as she spoke.

“The truth is,” she said shakily, “The truth is that I don’t love you…I never did…and you don’t belong here,” She pulled the ring from her finger, taking his hand and pressing it to his palm.

Ben let go of her shoulders as if her skin had burned him, stepping back with a hard exhale like her words had punched all the air from his lungs. He stared at her, unblinking, breathing heavily. Could it really be that everything was a lie? Her words, her glances, her touch…all of it was a lie that had pulled him in and dragged him under like the current and now, now he was drowning and gasping for air.

He stepped back towards her, his eyes pleading for the truth.

“Please…” he whispered to her, but she stepped backwards, wrapping her arms around herself like a shield.

She couldn’t touch him. One touch and it would all be undone, she would break down and the truth would come rushing from her lips.

Ben’s eyes hardened, his jaw clenching and he stood straighter and he squeezed the ring in his hand. She had done it, she realised, he believed her.

“Forgive me, madam, for taking up so much of your time,” he said, his voice soft and cold.

It wasn’t until he walked away, finally out of hearing distance, that Rey allowed herself to break.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You didn't think it would all be that easy did you? Gotta love a little bit of Reylo angst!
> 
> Comment and let me know what you think m'dears! I'm so glad you're all along for the ride!


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey and Ben deal with the fallout of their separation, Luke makes a discovery and Ben comes to a decision.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so I'm on a bit of a roll with this so ta da! Another update in the same day, cause I know how much you all love that sweet sweet Reylo angst ;)
> 
> Enjoy!
> 
> (P.S it's late and I'm excited so all mistakes are my own which I will fix in due course if there are any!)

Luke sat in his office scanning the news paper absently.

The review for Rose’s performance had been printed and it had been better than he had ever hoped for. Hux had praised her vocal talents to the heavens, saying that she was a once in a generation talent and it was surprising that she had been brought to New York by someone like Skywalker. The barb didn’t bother Luke. He was just thrilled that finally, _finally_ , Hux had written something positive.

However, with that positivity still came the acidic comments below, discussing how Rose Tico at the theatre was in stark contrast to the depraved, low-rent entertainment offered by the Circus. He called Luke’s show ‘dangerously influential’, stating that if not contained it would start giving people ideas of equality.

“Perish the thought…” Luke muttered to himself sarcastically.

Something else was bothering Luke. Something more than Hux and his damaging writing.

He hadn’t been able to hear the conversation that had taken place between Han Solo and Rey that afternoon while Ben had been absent, but he had seen their body language. Han intimidating the smaller woman with his larger frame, her shoulders hunching in defeat and worst of all, Han throwing money at her feet while she sobbed openly on the floor.

When Luke had questioned Rey later before the show, she had only given him a tight, confused smile and told him that she didn’t know what he was talking about. The next thing he knew was that after the show, Rey was found outside in hysterical tears and Ben was no-where to be found.

There was no way it wasn’t all connected.

The door to his office opened and his head shot up, expecting, hoping to see Ben walk in and sit down at his desk. Luke relaxed, hiding the disappointment when it was Poe.

“Poe, what can I do for you?” Luke asked, trying to appear chipper. Poe ran his hand over his face, clearly agitated.

“Luke, we have a situation brewing outside,” Poe said gravely, “The police line is down to just a few cops. 3 or 4 at the most,”

“What?” Luke gasped, standing from his chair, “How is that possible?”

“I dunno, I asked the chief on duty and he just said that they had been given a better offer, whatever the fuck that means…Luke, we might be in real danger here…”

“We’ll be fine,” he said flatly. Poe paled.

“Luke, this isn’t a joke…those men were the only thing stopping those guys getting in here. Are you really willing to take that risk?!”

Luke stoked his beard in thought. What the hell did that even mean, received a better offer? Was someone paying the Chief more than Luke to _not_ protect the Circus. He shook his head.

“It’s business as usual, Poe,” he said firmly, “We’re back on top. We’re sold out here for the next month and we do _not_ give in to intimidation!”

“If you say so,” Poe drawled, “We have another problem. Our little star? Yeah, she won’t come out of her room…” Luke sighed sadly. Oh, Rey.

“Has anyone been able to get in to see her since last night? Maybe find out exactly what happened?” Poe nodded.

“She only just let Finn inside after him sitting outside her door all night,” Poe sighed, “Whatever happened…I think it’s more than just a little lovers quarrel,”

Luke thought back to what he had seen and nodded.

“I believe you’re right,”

00000

“Peanut, please open the door,” Finn called through the lock, “I’m worried about you, I just want to help…please!”

His heart leapt suddenly hearing the lock on her door click open after hours and hours of sitting outside listening to her break her heart, sobbing until she was too exhausted to cry anymore. The door to her room opened and she moved to let him in, closing the door behind them before she lay back down on the bed, her red, puffy eyes staring off at nothing.

“Rey, please tell me what happened,” Finn said gently, kneeling next to her bed in concern. She looked like she had barely slept, dark circles under her swollen eyes in stark contrast to her pale skin.

“What did he do? Did he hurt you?” He asked, growling protectively.

He knew it was too good to be true. He hadn’t trusted his own judgement and now some wealthy city boy had swept in and broken his friend’s heart. It wasn’t until she shook her head, fresh tears forming in her eyes.

“Oh Finn, that’s the worst part!” Rey sobbed, “It was me…it was all me…”

“What do you mean?” Finn said, moving to sit on the edge of the bed, rubbing her back soothingly.

“I was the one who broke it off…I told him I didn’t love him…”

Finn frowned, confused. If that were true, why was she the one who was beside herself? As long as he had known Rey, and as much as it pained him to admit it, his friend had never loved anyone as much as she loved Ben Solo.

“But…why?”

Rey sucked in a breath. She wanted to tell him, she wanted to scream and sob about how Han Solo had come to her and made her see the truth about herself and how Ben would have eventually left her anyway when he was bored. She had simply sped the up process.

“It…just never would have worked,” she sniffed, “I had to let him go,”

“Rey, peanut, did you maybe stop to think that he might not want to have been let go?” Finn said carefully.

“Please stop, Finn…” she whispered, closing her eyes.

“All I’m saying is that he’s a grown man…and he loves…”

“Stop…” she begged quietly.

“I just think that maybe you need to talk to him about your insecurities. I know you’ve been hurt but he loves you…”

“STOP IT!” She screamed suddenly, tears coursing down her face, “I can’t…I can’t listen to this anymore! Just…get out!”

“I’m sorry, Rey,” Finn begged gently, “I’m just trying to help…”

“Please just leave me alone, Finn,” she said broken, rolling her back to him as she lay on the bed as she continued to sob.

Finn sighed sadly.

“Okay,” he said, “I’ll come and check on you later,”

Quietly, Finn left his friend alone in her room, continuing to break her heart in the darkness of her room.

00000

The bourbon wasn’t helping.

Ben had walked away from her determined to keep as much of his dignity as he could until he had reached his apartment. No sooner as his door had closed, he had tears sliding down his face.

He didn’t understand what was happening. Only that morning they had explored every inch of each other’s bodies, he had seen her face when he had presented her with his grandmother’s engagement ring. She had her insecurities about their differences, but he had thought that they were slowly being put to rest, especially by his declaration that he wanted to marry her.

In the space of one afternoon, she had changed her mind, deciding that she didn’t love him at all and that she couldn’t marry him. He felt like an idiot. He felt used. She had pulled him in with her bright, warm smile and beautiful eyes and she had made him believe that she loved him. He felt like such an idiot.

He threw back his drink and hissed at the burning sensation in the back of his throat.

The whiskey wasn’t helping either.

Ben rubbed at the stubble on his face. He had been sitting in his leather armchair since he had arrived home, his coat and tie abandoned to the floor. He knew he probably looked like a hell and a small, vindictive part of him hoped that she was suffering just as much as he was.

A lump formed in his throat at the thought. Even now, even after he felt like she had ripped his heart from his chest, he still hated the idea of her in pain.

Because he loved her.

A sharp knock rapped on his door and he barely looked up from his empty glass. The knock sounded again, more urgently this time and he huffed, pushing himself to his unsteady feet.

“Oh good, you’re home,” Poe said, barging past him.

“Come in why don’t you?” Ben bit out, “What do you want?” he asked following Poe into his sitting room.

“What do you mean ‘what do I want’? You didn’t show up for work, Rey is in pieces…we’re all worried about you! We thought something had happened to you!” Poe exclaimed.

Ben snorted, wandering over to his liquor cabinet and pouring himself another drink. He lifted the bottle in Poe’s direction and the smaller man raised an eyebrow, shaking his head.

“Even for circus folk, it’s a little early to be knocking back the hard stuff,” he said, “Ben, what the hell has happened. You look like shit…”

Ben threw himself back down in his chair, staring past his friend.

“Why don’t you ask Rey?” He replied bitterly, sipping the amber liquid.

“Well we would but she won’t let anyone in her room,” he replied, “She’s devasted…did you two have a fight?”

“A fight?” Ben repeated incredulously, “A fight would imply that I had any part in what happened!”

He suddenly stood again from his chair, pacing the room, anger bubbling inside his chest.

“You want to know what happened?!” He shouted, pointing at Poe, “What happened is that Rey decided that it would be best if we broke things off…she suddenly decided that she doesn’t love me, that she _never_ loved me, and she made it quite clear that I don’t belong there,”

Poe stared open mouthed in disbelief at what he was hearing, trying to comprehend what the other man was telling him. There was no way what he was saying could be true.

He had always been an observer of people. Poe had taken pride in being able to pick out subtle glances, fleeting touches, all of the seemingly innocent ways that people communicated without speaking and if there was one thing he knew for sure, it was that Rey was in love with Ben.

For her to turn around and tell him that she had never loved him at all, something didn’t add up.

“That…that can’t be right,” Poe said quietly and carefully so as not to anger the already unstable man further.

“Ask her yourself,” Ben spat.

“I’m telling you, she’s distraught. Nobody can get close to her,” Poe sighed, “Please Ben, come to the Circus, talking to Rey…hell, talk to Luke at the very least! This can all get straightened out…we’re worried about you,”

“Me? Why would you worry about me?” He asked dejected, “You know I don’t belong there. I was never anything more than a novelty to you guys, the uptight rich boy that you could all just mess with…well congratulations, Rey messed with me!”

Poe sighed sadly at his friend, stepping forward to try and take the glass from his hand.

“I think you’ve maybe had enough,” he said gently, “Why don’t we get you some black coffee, get you washed up and we can talk properly about this,”

Ben yanked the glass away from his hand.

“You know what Poe, why don’t you just get out?” he growled, “I’m not in the mood to hear any of this!”

“Ben…”

“I said _go_!” He barked, and Poe jumped slightly at the tone of his voice, suddenly very aware that Ben was far larger than him, under the influence of hard alcohol and very emotionally unstable.

“Alright Ben,” Poe sighed softly, “I’ll go. Just…please think about what I said and take care of yourself. Even if you don’t want to admit it…you have friends at the Circus,”

Ben didn’t look up from the floor as Poe walked away, the sound of the door closing echoing around his cold, empty apartment.

00000

As much as Luke hated to admit it, Poe had been right.

The protesters outside the circus had begun to swell in numbers almost overnight, somehow made bold by the lack of police presence outside the gates. What few policemen were there clearly couldn’t care less. Most of them stood leaning against walls or even just chatting to the men politely.

It made Luke uneasy and deciding that he needed to get to the bottom of things, he made a point of marching down to the department. He knocked on the door of the Chief of Police office, entering when he was given the okay to do so.

The Chief was an older man, overweight and balding, clearly settled into years behind a desk and he gave Luke a wry smile as he walked inside.

“Ah, Mr Skywalker,” The Chief said as Luke walked into his office, “I was wondering when I would see you,”

“We had a deal,” Luke said sternly, “I would pay you a set fee each week and in return, your men would hold the line with those protestors. Without them, there’s going to be a riot, I know there is!”

The Chief gazed up at Luke in disinterest, shrugging his shoulders.

“What can I say Mr Skywalker,” he drawled, “I was given a better offer,”

“From who?” Luke demanded. The Chief snorted.

“I’m not sure I’m at liberty to say,” he replied, “But they’re paying twice the amount you were per week, plus a few other…additional benefits,” Luke sneered.

“So, you’re prepared to take bribes, but you won’t even tell me who from?” He spat, “I’m sure your boss would be interested to know how you run your department…”

“You’re in no position to threaten me!” The Chief laughed haughtily, “But I’ll tell you what, you and I go way back…so maybe I’ll send 1 or 2 men extra over there, you know, just for the sake of the public,”

“1 or 2 isn’t going to be enough!” Luke growled. The Chief shrugged again.

“It’s the best I can offer you without ruining the deal I’ve got with the military guy,”

Luke paused, his brows knitting in thought.

“Military man?” he asked and the Chief paled, realising he had already said too much.

“Ah hell,” he muttered, “Look…I…If I tell you, you gotta promise that you’ll take it up with him. You can’t involve me, and you certainly didn’t hear it from me!”

“Oh, _now_ you want _me_ to do you a favour?” Luke quipped, “That’s rich…”

“Seriously! You scratch my back and I’ll scratch yours, I’ll see what I can do about sliding you some extra man power…even the under the table kind,”

Luke raised an eyebrow at the other man, knowing exactly what that meant. Hired thugs.

“Go on then,” Luke said, “Who was it? Who is trying to screw me over?”

“Admiral Han Solo,”

00000

Time had seemed to mesh into one big blur and Ben wasn’t sure how long he had been in his apartment for.

Everything reminded him of Rey.

There were still items of her clothing hanging in his bedroom closet, draped across the chair. The one time he had tried to fall asleep in his bed he was assaulted by the memories of their first kiss and of their first time together. Hearing her moan his name in his head over and over until he thought he was going to go insane.

Since then he had fallen asleep on his couch, using liquor to drown out her sweet voice in his mind.

Was he sure that it had all been a lie? Could someone that young, that innocent really have been playing with his mind and his heart the whole time? It had felt real to him, all of it. He had been prepared to give her the world.

A part of him thought he should return to the circus, hammer on her door and demand to talk to her, demand the truth, but what if it wasn’t what he wanted to hear. What if she had already told him the truth and it was that she had truly never loved him in the first place. It was all an act. He couldn’t bare to hear it all again. It would destroy him.

Sitting in front of his fireplace, he heard the door open and someone entered without knocking.

“I thought I’d find you here,” Han said, walking into the sitting room, “Ah, Son. I did try to warn you,”

“What do you want?” Ben said, his voice void of any trace of emotion. He was too tired, to worn out to be annoyed by his Father’s presence.

“I heard about what happened from Luke,” Han said, “I wanted to come and talk with you. Make sure you’re not drinking yourself to death but from the smell of bourbon and whiskey in here I gather I’m too late,”

“Luke told you?” Ben said confused until it dawned on him that Poe must have passed along the information, “Well…it doesn’t matter now,”

Han smiled.

“You’re right,” he agreed, “It doesn’t matter. I’m sorry that you got stung Son. It’s not the first time an eligible man has been hooked by a beautiful girl who was less than honest, and I doubt it’ll be the last, but it’s time to put it behind you,” Han said, his voice almost gentle and understanding.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean that you can either stay here and waste away or you can become who you were always meant to be,” He explained, “You can come home Ben. We’ll get you a good job with a reputable firm, you can move out of this dingy little apartment. You’re not meant for this life,”

_You don’t belong here…_

That’s what she had said to him. He didn’t belong with the circus. He almost laughed at the thought. The place that accepted the rejects of society, the runaways and the cast outs didn’t want him. Uptight, prim and proper Ben Solo. Maybe Han was right, maybe he was meant for the swells after all.

“I know this might still be a tender subject,” Han added carefully, “But…Charity Bennett is still open to the idea of an arrangement. Perhaps moving on with a girl more suited to your status would do you good? You two were always so close, I believe this might be the best thing for you!”

Ben inhaled deeply, pausing to think. Charity was certainly pretty. She came from a good family, his parents approved. Things could be so much easier.

_Nothing worth having ever comes easy…_

Rey. Rey had said that to him once, but he was so tired. Tired of trying to prove himself to everyone, trying to fit in with people who, despite his best efforts and heroic deeds, would apparently always look at him as an outsider. He loved her, but maybe he could move on in time and he could do worse than Charity Bennett. Perhaps once, just this once, it wouldn’t hurt to take the easy way.

“Okay, Father,” Ben said quietly, “Okay,”


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> On the eve of the wedding, Luke decides enough is enough.

“Hide the papers!” Poe shouted, running into the kitchen and grabbing the newspapers from his fellow workers hands.

“Hey! What’s the big idea, I was reading that!” Joe cried indignantly, staring at the empty space where is paper had been in annoyance.

Poe continued his rampage, grabbing the papers from everyone.

“The paper just announced Ben’s engagement!” Poe said exasperated, “We can’t let Rey find out that way!” Joe snorted.

“I can’t believe it. Only a few weeks ago they were the most sickening couple around here and now he’s gone and got himself another broad…who he’s marrying?! Doesn’t feel right to me…”

“It’s not right!” Poe snapped, “And there’s more to it than that. You all saw him when told Luke he was quitting, he’s devastated…”

“Then why is he getting married?” Joe pondered, and Poe shrugged helplessly, the bundle of papers still in his arms.

“Rebound? Family pressure? Says he’s marrying some chick called Charity Bennett…pretty high-class family from what I’ve heard,”

“Poor Rey,” Joe sighed, “I just don’t understand it all though…I heard she was the one who broke it off with him. If she still wanted to be with him why would she do that?”

“Beats me,” Poe grunted, “Urgh. This whole thing is a mess…”

Finn wandered into the kitchen, the residents turning to face him, and he dropped another newspaper onto the pile.

“If you’re trying to stop Rey from finding out about Ben’s engagement then don’t bother,” he said, “She already knows. She read it this morning,”

“Ah, shit. How is she?” Poe asked, wincing.

Finn wandered over to the hot coffee pot, pouring himself a cup. His face was worn from lack of sleep, unable to drift off for the worry on his mind.

“How do you think she is?” he asked rhetorically, “I didn’t think it could get much worse than the constant crying but now she’s just...numb. She just sits on her bed, staring at nothing, barely acknowledging anything. I’m worried she won’t recover from this…”

“But _she broke up with him_!” Joe stressed, “I don’t get it!”

“Yeah so you mentioned Joe,” Poe replied sarcastically, turning back to Finn, “is she still going to do the show?” Finn shrugged helplessly.

“I have no idea,” he said, “I think Luke needs to talk to her, to try and get to the bottom of this. Ben didn’t give him anything. He simply walked in, looking like a ghost, told him he was quitting and that was that,”

Poe sighed once more shaking his head at a loss.

“My Ma used to have a saying when I was a kid,” he said, smiling slightly, “Hope is like the sun, if you only believe in when you can see it…”

“Then you’ll never make it through the night,” Finn finished for him and Poe nodded in agreement.

“So…Luke?”

“Luke,”

00000

Married.

Ben was getting married.

Rey sat on her bed, her arms wrapped around the knees pulled up to her chest. Time was blurring together, and she couldn’t remember the last time she had done anything other than sit in silence, thinking about the series of events that had lead her here.

It was only Finn and his insistence that she still performed but now? How could she go out there into the brightly coloured lights and wear a smile when she had nothing to be happy about? All at once he had become her anchor to the world and she had let him go. All because of her own insecurities and his poisonous Father finally getting into her head.

Her desk was littered with letters she had started to him, letters that had become abandoned as the words left her. ‘I’m sorry’ seemed like such a futile thing to say. It was too small a phrase for how she was feeling.

She was more than sorry. Without him she felt like she couldn’t breathe, that the colour had been sucked out of her life, that the future she had dared to dream was possible was now gone only to be replaced with a cold, empty blackness and it scared her.

She had walked the tightrope of love and now, thanks to her own stupidity, she was falling.

A sharp knock on the door made her head snap towards the sound. She wasn’t going to bother telling whoever it was to come inside. The door wasn’t locked and so many of her well-meaning friends just walked in anyway.

They were worried, she knew that.

Luke walked inside, a look of sympathy all over his features and shining from his gentle blue eyes.

“Hi there Rey,” he said softly, as if he didn’t want to spook her. He walked over to her bed, sitting himself down on the edge next to her.

“I’m not going to ask you how you’re feeling,” he said, “I think it’s obvious,”

“Well…you’d be the first,” Rey said with a humourless laugh. Luke smiled sadly.

“They’re just worried about you. They’ve never seen you so…lifeless, even after everything,” He said, patting her on the leg.

“Have you seen him?” Rey asked, her eyes imploring Luke for any information he could give her. He nodded tentatively.

“I have,” Luke said slowly, “He’s…he’s not good. He’s suffering just as much as you are, I know he is,”

“and now he’s…he’s…” She couldn’t bring herself to say it.

“Apparently so,” Luke confirmed, “But you must believe me, it’s an arranged marriage Rey. When we were at dinner, Han was trying to convince him to do it and he kept saying no, pushing it away…because he loves you,”

“Are you saying I pushed him into it?!” Rey gasped with an injured frown. Luke shook his head sharply.

“I’m not saying that at all!” He assured, “But Rey, I know Han came to talk to you…I need you to tell me the truth, I need to know what he told you. Please, Rey. Let me help you!”

Rey sat quietly thinking of Luke’s words. Could he really help her? If there was anyone who could help stand up to Han it was probably him, but she had ruined things so much she didn’t want to hold out hope that they could be salvaged.

“He didn’t tell me anything I didn’t already suspect,” she said quietly, her voice broken, “He…he told me that I would be Ben’s downfall. That I was the reason he was throwing his life away…if he stayed with me he would lose everything…so I did what I had to do…I pushed him away to save him,”

Luke’s jaw clenched, grinding his teeth containing his anger at his brother-in-law. Han had always been a bully, always intent on getting his own way. He had used his influence over this vulnerable young woman to control his Son’s future, breaking the hearts of a young couple that loved each other in the process. Luke felt sick to his stomach.

“Rey, let me ask you something…before you met Ben, how did you feel about this life?” Luke asked.

Rey thought about his question and smiled for what felt like the first time in well over a month. The tugging on her facial muscles felt strange and alien to her.

“It was freedom,” she said softly, “It was…is…family. People who love each other because they choose it, not because they’re forced into anything,”

Luke returned her smile, nodding in agreement.

“You’re right, and why did you think that Ben wouldn’t want to be part of that?” he asked, “Rey, you and Ben have very different pasts…but that doesn’t mean you’re both not looking for the same thing. He loves you, Rey…don’t push him away,”

Rey wiped a stray tear away from her face, the sincerity in Luke’s voice hurting her heart.

“It’s too late Luke,” she cried softly, “He’s gone…”

“No-one’s every really gone,” Luke replied with a gentle smile, lifting Rey’s chin to face him.

Sluggishly, Rey pulled herself from the bed, walking over to her desk. She moved the papers around until she found the one letter that she had actually finished. Gingerly, she handed it to Luke,

“If you see him…”

“I’ll make sure he gets it,” Luke promised, “Please don’t give up hope yet. Your light is so important, don’t let someone so poisonous blow it out. The show must go on, my dear,”

_The show must go on_

Rey smiled sadly. That’s all she was good for now, painting to picture of carefree happiness to the world. She would flip and soar through the air, making other people smile, if only to forget about her own breaking heart.

00000

“And Mother says that the Harrington’s will be back just in time for the ceremony. Isn’t that wonderful?”

“Hmm?”

“Ben, are you evening listening to me?”

Ben and Charity walked arm in arm around the park in the mid-afternoon sun. Honestly, he hadn’t been listening to her. She was certainly a beautiful girl and very intelligent but there was nothing that spoke of that Ben was interested in.

Least of all, who could and couldn’t make it to their wedding in two days’ time.

He should have known that the minute he had agreed that plans would have been thrust into motion. Within weeks they had a date set, a location and suddenly, he was 2 days away from becoming a married man.

Married to a woman he didn’t love.

Charity sighed, sitting herself down on a nearby park bench, Ben joining her, his gaze cast out towards the park. Charity evaluated him quietly before she sighed again.

“Ben,” she said softly, “I know this…arrangement isn’t what you really wanted, and please don’t try to deny it,” she said, and he quickly closed his mouth.

“But I think in time, you’ll see that we’re right for each other,” She said honestly, “I’ll be the best wife I possibly can be,” Ben smiled at her.

“I know you will,” he replied, “You’ll make a wonderful wife,”

_A wonderful wife for someone else…_

“I can tell there’s something troubling you,” Charity said, “Please tell me what’s wrong, maybe I can help you?”

Ben smiled tightly at her, at a loss of where to begin. What was wrong? What was wrong was that she wasn’t brunette. She didn’t have lively, expressive hazel eyes that he had lost himself in so many times. Her skin didn’t smell of sunlight, it wasn’t marked with experiences from a life lived. Her lips weren’t the same lips he had kissed, that he had heard his name whispered from like a prayer behind closed doors.

But how could he tell her that? This girl who was innocently doing her parents bidding, who was trusting that he would do his duty and uphold his end of the bargain. Even if he wanted to now, it was too late to stop the plans set in motion.

So, he settled for the one answer he had.

“It’s nothing,”

00000

Luke couldn’t remember the last time he had felt so angry.

He had left Rey’s room, her letter to Ben in his hand, with a feeling of such incandescent anger that he thought he might erupt at the first person to cross his path.

Han had always been obsessed with the idea of rank and class, for as long as Luke had known him. Luke had always assumed it had something to do with his background. He had come from so little and had worked to climb his way to the top of the military, eventually meeting Leia. There was a chip on his shoulder, Luke had no doubt about that.

But to purposely separate a young couple who loved each other, to intimidate a young woman more than half his age and manipulate his own Son into a marriage he didn’t want all to meet his own ambitions and plans, it was too much for Luke. He could handle the slights against him, but not his family. Blood or otherwise.

He felt hopeful after his conversation with say, despite the situation. The fact she gave him the letter, was attempting to reach out was something. Anything to bridge the gap between the two estranged lovers.

Right now, before he tried to right this wrong, Luke had to hear the truth direct from the source.

Han spent most of his time at a gentleman’s club in upper Manhattan. Luke arrived at the door of the private members club, handing his top hat to the doorman and asking for Han himself. He was walked through the opulent, rich building until he was brought to a smoking room.

It was quiet today, Luke noticed with satisfaction. Good. This would make his conversation easier if they didn’t have an audience. Han sat on a dark brown leather Winchester, a cigar in on hand and a glass of brandy in the other.

“Luke? I’m amazed they let people like you in here,” Han said wryly. Luke gave him a cold smile.

“I’ve been a member for years Han, I just don’t feel the need to bask in this kind of lifestyle…unlike some people,” The sarcastic smile fell from Han’s face and he stood, walking over to the decanter.

“Drink?” He offered, “I assume if we’re about to have an…unpleasant conversation we should at least do it like gentleman,”

“Now what makes you think it’s going to be unpleasant?” Luke asked, and Han snorted, pouring a glass of brandy and handing it to his brother-in-law.

“Please, our past experiences have taught me that any time it’s just the two of us our conversations are rarely polite small talk. You’re here for a reason, so lets just cut to the chase,”

Luke levelled Han with his gaze, cool and calculating, sizing the taller man up. He sipped his brandy.

“I know what you said to Rey,” Luke said, “I know that you’re the reason she and Ben separated, but I want to hear it from you,” Han sneered.

“If you know the truth already then why do you need to hear it from me?” Han asked, nonchalantly sipping his own brandy.

“Because I want you to look me in the eye and tell me that you care so little for your own Son’s happiness!” Luke spat coldly.

“You think I don’t care about his happiness?! I did this for him!” Han shouted, “Having nothing, having no security and a ruined reputation is not happiness!”

“He’s not you, Han,” Luke pressed, his voice softer, “From the moment I met you, all you cared about was your damn reputation…Ben isn’t like you. What you did to those kids…it’s more cruel than I thought you capable of!”

Han inhaled the last of his cigar, stubbing it out in the crystal dish next to the bar.

“Tell him then,” Han shrugged, “You know he won’t believe you. When I told Rey to leave him she played her part so very well that he just fell straight into my plans with barely any hesitation. Even if he does, it’s too late. The wedding is only days away,”

Luke straightened himself to his full height. Maybe Ben wouldn’t believe him, but he had to try and Han telling him to his face that he had done what he had only emboldened Luke further. He drained his glass, setting it on the bar with a dull thud, never breaking eye contact with the other man.

“Thanks for the drink, Han,” Luke said coldly, “Always a pleasure,”

Luke turned to leave the room, walking to the door when Han’s voice stopped him.

“Luke,” he called, “I’m doing what I think is best!” Luke turned to him with a sad expression.

“That’s the problem,” he sighed, “It’s what _you_ think is best…”

00000

His conversation with Han had only confirmed what Luke had known to be true. The letter still burning a hole in his pocket, he marched to Ben’s apartment, hammering on the door before pushing his way in.

“Ben! I need to speak with you…oh!” Luke stopped as he marched into the living room.

Ben was standing by the fireplace while Charity was sitting on one of his sofas. She jumped, startled by the sudden intrusion.

“I’m sorry, Ben, I didn’t realise you had a guest,” Luke said carefully, trying to communicate with his eyes the importance of his visit.

“Charity, this is my Uncle Luke,” Ben said politely, and Charity smiled up at Luke, standing and allowing him to shake her hand.

“From the Circus? Oh, how wonderful. It’s so nice to meet you!” she said enthusiastically, and Luke smiled tightly. He couldn’t have _this_ conversation with Charity here. Luckily, Ben understood.

“Charity, I believe I have some business that I need to discuss with my Uncle,” Ben said, “Would you mind giving us some privacy,” She nodded and smiled kindly.

“Of course, darling!” she cooed, walking over and kissing him on the cheek. Luke noticed with a degree of satisfaction that Ben stiffened at her touch. “I have some business to take care of before tomorrow. I’ll see you at the alter my love,”

Ben could only nod at her, unable to return her fervent sentiments. He wondered if one day in the future he would be able to. Far in the future when he wasn’t being haunted. Charity left the apartment, Luke not feeling secure to speak until he heard the front door close firmly.

“Luke…If you’re trying to get me to come back then you’re wasting your breath,” Ben sighed, his voice as tired as he looked.

“It’s more important that that Ben,” Luke said, “But I have to admit I didn’t expect to see Charity here…you two haven’t...” Ben’s face turned hard, his eyes sharpening.

“Not that it’s any of your business but no,” He snapped, “Absolutely not,” Luke smiled genuinely.

“And why is that?” Ben scowled.

“Because I’m respectful!” He snapped, “because…because…”

“Because you don’t love her, and you know it’s wrong!”

Ben said nothing, turning back away from Luke.

“I’ve come to tell you the truth about what happened,” Luke said, “About why Rey…”

“No,”

Luke stopped, dumbstruck.

“What do you mean _no_?” He asked, “Ben, I’m trying to tell you that there’s something else to all of this…”

“The truth? Luke, even if there is something beyond her telling me that she never loved me, the fact of the matter is that she couldn’t trust me enough to believe my word! No matter what I did or said!”

Luke sighed, running his hand over his beard in frustration. It wasn’t just that Ben was heartbroken, anger had begun to set in and anger was a stronger barrier to try and breakthrough.

“Your Father went to her at the circus when you weren’t there!” Luke said desperately, “He prayed on every insecurity she had, he told her that she would be the reason you lost everything…he told her to leave you for your own good!”

Ben froze, blinking in disbelief at his Uncle open mouthed. His Father had gone to Rey behind his back?

“That’s no possible…” Ben muttered incredulously, shaking his head.

“Ben, I saw it with my own eyes!” Luke implored, “And when I confronted Han he told me himself. He wants you to carry out _his_ plan for your life…but it doesn’t have to be this way. You can still come back to us, to Rey…”

Ben shook his head, willing back the sting of tears. How could it be true? Easily, was the sickening answer. Knowing his Father as he did, he knew that Han would do anything to get his own way, but then, Luke and Han had never liked one another. Was Luke lying to him to get him to return?

God, it all hurt. It was all so complicated. Everyone was telling him one thing from another with no tangible proof of who was telling the truth. It hurt to think that his Father had actually done that to him, but until he heard it from Han, Ben wasn’t sure what to believe.

“It is to late, Luke,” Ben sighed, “I’m getting married tomorrow. I made a commitment and I need to see it through, for better or worse,”

Luke regarded his nephew sadly before he reached into his coat pocket, pulling out the letter. He handed him the paper, Ben taking it carefully.

“She wanted me to give you this,” Luke said, “I don’t know what it says but please, not even for her or me, for yourself…think about this properly,”

Luke left Ben alone then, Ben having nothing else to say, his mind a hurricane of emotions. Han had manipulated the whole thing?

His hands trembled as he stared at the paper between his fingers. The words inside had the ability to break him all over again. The pain he felt hearing her say that she didn’t love him rose to the surface and it wasn’t something he wanted to revisit.

His eyes flicked between the paper and the embers in the fireplace. It would be so easy to throw it away, pretend it was never handed to him. His hand moved over the heat of the fireplace, but he paused.

He couldn’t do it.

If these were the last words she was going to say to him, the last tangible part that he could hold onto, he was going to keep them but as long as he didn’t open it, they couldn’t hurt him.

He pushed the letter into his breast pocket, nestled close to his heart.


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben's wedding day!

It was getting worse.

Poe stood at the front doors next to Luke, watching the angry mob through the glass of the main circus doors. The police line, if you could even call it that anymore, was useless against the rows of angry men. They stood screaming, chanting and waving their signs in protest, making it clear that their intentions were to drive the circus finally out of town.

“This is bad Luke,” Poe said gravely, “There’s at least 50 or 60 men out there, if they decide to do anything do you really think 4 or 5 of those officers are going to be able to do anything?”

Luke sucked in a breath. There was an uneasy feeling in the air, a palpable tension that trouble was on the horizon. He had woken thinking it was simply because it was the day of Ben’s wedding but now seeing the violent men on his doorstep, he was starting to think otherwise.

“Have you seen outside? I’ve never heard them so loud before!” Rey said, approaching the door with Finn. She was dressed to practice and had they not been dealing with a possible crisis, Luke would have been overjoyed to see that his talk with her had given her a glimmer of hope again.

“What are we going to do?” Finn asked, peering through the glass, “There’s too many to just ask them nicely to leave us alone,”

Luke sighed. He had no idea what they could do. The police were no help and the Chief’s promise of some under the table help had never materialised.

“I’m sorry guys,” He sighed, “The show must go on. We stick to plan…”

“That’s easy for you to say, you’re about to leave to go to…” Poe trailed off, watching Rey from the side of his eye. To her credit, even though she knew what he was going to say, she barely acknowledged what she had heard.

“No,” Luke said firmly, “I’m not going,” he inclined his head to Rey, giving her a small supportive smile which she returned.

“Which means if anything happens…” Poe began.

“I’ll be here,” Luke finished, “I’ll be here with you,”

00000

Ben brushed a layer of invisible dust from his suit once again.

The manor his parents had chosen for the wedding outside of Manhattan was beautiful and he stood in his dressing room in front of the full-length mirror. He was dressed in a pristine black suit, his short coat and tails freshly pressed for the day and white rose in his button hole.

He couldn’t keep still. He moved his hair around again, knowing that it would look the same once he had finished. Absently, his hand drifted to his upper breast pocket, feeling the paper crinkle under the pressure from his hand. It was still there.

He had lain awake most of the night, unable to fall asleep. Hours he had spent staring at the letter, his name written in her neat script on the front. He had yet to read the words inside.

When he pushed his bravado and wounded pride aside, he knew that deep down she had hurt him. He was hurt that she hadn’t trusted him enough to keep his word, that when he had told her that she was all that mattered to him, he had meant it. Hell, he had asked for her hand in marriage. He couldn’t think of what else he could do to show her his devotion.

Then again, maybe he truly didn’t understand how lonely her life had been, how deep her abandonment issues ran.

His Uncle Luke’s information caused a whole new level of issues.

Ben knew what his Father was capable of. You didn’t get to where Han Solo was without being a cunning man. Even though he had pushed the point of the arranged marriage before, would he really have been so manipulative to get his own way?

There was a knock on his door and both his parents entered. Leia gasped in delight seeing her Son dressed for his wedding and she rushed to him, smoothing his jacket in a way only a Mother could.

“Oh, my goodness, Ben, you look so handsome!” Leia gushed, fussing over his hair that he had only fixed a moment before, “I do wish you had shaved for today but never mind, I think you look handsome anyway,” Ben smiled bashfully at his Mother.

“Thanks Mother,” He said, “You look beautiful,” he complimented indicating her plum coloured gown and matching wrap. She looked more than beautiful. She looked like royalty, her bloodline coming to the surface, but there was something behind the smile on her face. Something that Ben almost recognised as sadness.

“All ready for today, Son?” Han asked, stepping forward. The smile slid from Ben’s face and he regarded Han carefully, Luke’s warning still on the forefront of his mind.

Han was dressed in his military best, as Ben knew he would be and was wearing a smile that was all too self-satisfied for Ben’s taste.

“I think so,” Ben replied gingerly and Han nodded proudly.

“I just want you to know, I’m proud of you Ben,” He said, “It was touch and go for a while, you gave your Mother and I quite the scare with that circus business…”

“Gave you a scare you mean,” Leia muttered under her breath, but Han ignored her.

“But you made the correct decision,” Han continued, “You’re doing the right thing and making your family proud. I’ve been to that place Son, this is where you belong,”

Ben’s eyebrow quirked.

“You’ve been there? When?” Ben asked suspiciously, Leia turning curiously towards her husband.

“Oh, you know…a while ago, I’m sure your Mother dragged me,” Han muttered, “But anyway, it’s not important,”

“I remember you telling me that you’d rather drop dead than be seen at that place,” Leia said, “You’ve never come along with me. Not once…believe me, I’d remember!” she said, refusing to let the subject drop.

“Father, when were you there?” Ben questioned, his voice hard. Han pulled at the collar of his shirt, feeling its sudden constriction under the scrutiny of Ben’s intense gaze.

“If you must know, I went by to see Luke a couple of weeks ago,” He said awkwardly.

“Luke…just Luke?” Ben pressed, lifting his chin in challenge. Han clenched his jaw in frustration.

“Yes, just Luke,” he ground out, “I went to see Luke about some…business…”

“What kind of business?” Leia asked suddenly.

“It’s nothing to do with either of you!” Han snapped, “I went to see Luke…”

Ben stared at Han uncomprehendingly, thinking over and over about what Luke had said. That Han had turned up to the circus and while he claimed he was talking to Luke, Ben could see the panic in his Father’s eyes, the sheen of sweat that was forming on his forehead under the scrutiny of his Son and Wife.

He had to know. Before he went any further, Ben had to know.

“Father,” Ben said plainly, “Did you speak to Rey?”

Tension hung thick in the air like a cloud, threatening to choke the air in Ben’s rapidly tightening throat. Han’s eyes darted between Ben and Leia, desperately trying to claw together some kind of response but the longer he remained silent the more his guilt was evident.

“Now Ben…”

“ _Did you speak to her!?_ ” Ben shouted, his sharp voice cutting through the silence, his eyes, unblinking staring at his Father.

“Fine,” Han relented, “Yes, I spoke to her…”

Ben inhaled sharply through his nose, nostrils flaring in anger, his chest constricting, his eyes darkening.

“And what exactly did you say to her?”

He already knew what Han had told her. He could see the truth written all over his Father’s face. Ben knew, deep down, that Luke had been telling him the truth but now, seeing the guilt in Han’s eyes made his blood run cold.

_Oh Rey…_

“I simply told her the truth,” Han said indignantly, “I told her exactly what she needed to hear!”

“Han, how could you!?” Leia cried, “You promised that you wouldn’t interfere!”

“I did it for your own good Ben!” Han shouted back, trying to defend himself, “She doesn’t deserve this life!”

His blood pounded in his ears, his whole body trembled and before he could help himself, Ben swung his clenched fist forward, connecting solidly with Han’s face. The bones in his hand crunched on impact, Han’s blood spraying over his knuckles and the older man fell to the ground with a cry as Ben stumbled forward with the force of his swing and he steadied himself.

“Ben!” Leia gasped, frozen in shock watching her irate Son stand over her downed husband.

“No! She didn’t deserve what _you_ did to her!” Ben screamed down at Han, “You tormented the woman I love, made her believe that she wasn’t good enough!”

“She left you Ben!” Han spat up bitterly.

“Because of you! She left because you made her think that she had to!” Ben shot back, “You made me believe that I had nothing left, that all I could do was follow your plan…well I hope you’re happy with yourself. You just lost your Son!”

Ben stormed from the room, his hand still aching, his body still trembling, and Leia rushed behind him.

“Ben, wait!”

He stopped to take a calming breath. His Mother didn’t know anything about what Han had done and he had no reason to lose his temper with her either. He turned to her, his eyes wide and helpless.

“Mother…I…what do I do?” he breathed, “I don’t know how to fix this!”

Leia reached out, stroking her Son’s face. Even though he was 30 years old, in moments like this, he still seemed so young, so unsure of himself. She smiled gently at him.

“What is your heart telling you to do?”

_His heart…_

Ben’s eyes widened when he realised, and he frantically patted his jacket, feeling her letter still tucked away in his shirt pocket. Leia watched in confusion as he pulled the paper from inside his jacket, tearing open the envelope quickly, pulling the contents out, his eyes dancing over the paper.

_My dearest Ben,_

_I’ve been trying over and over to work out what I can say to make things better but just saying I’m sorry sounds so useless._

_I never wanted to hurt you. Telling you that I had never loved you was like taking a knife to my own heart, because the truth is that I love you, I will always love you. Until the day I take my last breath, I will love you._

_I lied because I believed it best, I was told it would be best, but how can something that causes so much pain for both of us be the right thing?_

_I know you’re to be married, but I only wish it were me. Whatever happens in your life, I only want you happy. I’ll be content to remain alone with the memories you’ve given me. There’s nobody else but you._

_Never forget me. I won’t forget you,_

_Rey_

He read it once, twice, three times before he lowered the page, his heart hammering in his chest. She loved him, she wanted to be the woman he married. If he could make this right he would tell her over and over until he was blue in the face how much he loved her, how she was the only one he’d ever want. He’d kiss her and love her so completely there would never be any room for doubt again.

 Slowly he turned to look at his Mother, a small, knowing smile gracing her face.

“Is this what you want Ben?” she asked gently. He nodded.

“It is mother,” he breathed, “I love her,” Leia held her Son’s face in her hands, kissing him on the cheek.

“Then go and get her!”

Ben grinned widely, pushing the paper back into his chest pocket and he set off towards the stairs, suddenly stopping when he reached the top, turning back to Leia.

“Mother…tell Charity…” He began but Leia cut him off.

“I will handle things here,” she promised, “Go!”

Nodding determinedly, Ben rushed back to give his Mother one last kiss on the cheek before he rushed down the stairs, ignoring all the strange and confused looks that the staff and attendants were throwing in his direction. He would have to get a carriage back to central Manhattan which wouldn’t have him back in the city until darkness fell.

Once Ben was safely down the stairs, Leia steeled herself, walking back into the room.

Han was back on his feet, cradling his broken nose with one of his white handkerchiefs. He groaned in pain, growling under his breath and he didn’t bother to turn to his wife.

“How could you, Han?” she whispered in disbelief, “He’s our Son. Our _only_ Son! And that poor girl…you tried to ruin their lives!”

“It wasn’t that when he had agreed to this wedding!” Han said, his voice strangely nasal and choked, “You were overjoyed!”

“I thought he had chosen this himself!” Leia shouted, “I didn’t know that he had been backed into a corner…and now you’ll need to deal with the consequences!”

“What do you mean?”

“He’s _gone_ ,” Leia explained, “He’s going back to the city to sort this mess out!” Han paled.

“But…what about Charity? And the Bennetts?! Leia, everyone is here!” He cried, and Leia smirked.

“Well, I leave that up to you,” she quipped, “I’m sure once they see your face they’ll make up their own minds no matter what you tell them!”

“Where are you going?” Han said, confused.

“Home,” She said simply, “I’m going home. Without you,”

00000

She soared through the air with grace she had forgotten she possessed, the crowd gasping and cheering as she did.

Why had she stopped herself from doing this? In the bleak, harsh reality of how events had unfolded, _this_ was what kept her sane. It gave her something to focus on and a feeling of freedom unlike any other. When she was in the air, on the hoop, rolling down the ropes, nobody could touch her.

She knew it was Ben’s wedding day. So many times, she had wondered if she should have forced Luke to tell her where it was so she could go there, to have him look her in the eye and tell her that he wanted to go through with the wedding. If he could do that with honesty, she would let him go as much as it would break her heart to do it.

She landed alongside Finn, Luke running out to the ring in between them and holding her hand as they took their bows.

Something was different. The same eerie tension from the morning was hanging in the air. As much as the crowd were cheering and applauding, there was an underlying drone of boos and angry shouts, objects being thrown towards the ring in anger.

Rey steeled herself, holding her head up proudly, defiantly. Even if some of those men had made their way in with the crowd, she would not shy away. She would never shy away from who she was ever again, not when doing so had already cost her so much.

They took their final bows, the spectacular show coming to a close and Luke making his move towards the doors to personally thank everyone for coming along, as was his tradition.

“Tell everyone what a good time you had at the circus!” He called enthusiastically, “New acts every night!”

“Hey ringmaster!” A harsh voice spat.

Luke turned to see that the remainder of the audience had left the building save for a dozen men, all congregated near the edge of the bleachers.

“The show is over gentlemen,” he said firmly, “I’m afraid I’ll have to ask you to leave,”

The man who had shouted him sauntered forward, an unkind sneer on his face. Finn spotted the crowd from the curtain and nodded to Poe, his expression serious.

“Wait here Rey,” he said.

“but…”

“No! Please, wait here…”

They walked towards where Luke was standing with the group, in time to hear the tail end of the conversation.

“This is _our_ town,” the man growled, “So take your freaks and your spooks and get lost!”

Finn squared up to the man, laughing humourlessly, nodding his head before he struck from out of nowhere, throwing a hard punch to the man’s gut.

Seeing their friend attacked spurred the other men into action, fists flying towards Poe and Luke, brawling at the front of the circle. Rey had been watching nervously from the curtain screamed to the rest of the performers for help and from the backstage poured out, screaming a battle cry that made the invading men jump back in fear.

Rey herself rushed forward throwing herself on a man’s back, wrapping her arms around his throat and squeezing. He folded forward throwing her off and she landed with a thud on the ground before he hauled her back to her feet, his arm around her neck.

“Little feral bitch!” he shouted at her. She scowled and sunk her teeth into the mans forearm as hard as she could, the coppery taste of blood invading her mouth.

She grinned against his skin as he screamed in pain, releasing his hold in time for Joe to grab him by the back of his shirt, physically picking him up and throwing him away from Rey and the fight.

The man landed hard, rolling as he did until he came to an abrupt stop against the far wall next to the curtain. He looked up. Things were getting out of control, he had to do something. He smiled vindictively, spying the lamp that sat on a box, it’s flame burning bright.

He grunted in pain, fumbling to his feet and he scrambled over to the lamp, grabbing it’s handle and hurling it away from him. The lamp shattered against the wall, raining down flaming oil on the bales of straw, igniting them instantly.

As flames rapidly spread across the dry, sawdust covered floor, the man scrambled away.

00000

Ben couldn’t keep himself still, his leg bouncing as he sat in the carriage on the way back to central Manhattan.

He had gone over what he was going to say over and over in his head, but nothing really seemed to fit. Did he begin by telling her that he knew all about what Han had said? Or did he simply tell her that he loved her and that he wasn’t going to leave no matter how hard she pushed him away? So much had already been distorted, Ben didn’t want to leave any room for error.

Really what he wanted to do was start again. Yes, that’s what he was going to do. He would tell her that from this moment on, everything that had marred their relationship was in the past and it didn’t matter anymore. He was choosing her and the life they were going to make together.

He patted his pocket. The ring was still there. Despite his Father’s insistence, even before Ben had been told the truth, he couldn’t bring himself to give it to Charity. Years ago, Leia had told him that ring was for the woman he loved. That certainly wasn’t Charity Bennett.

The carriage came to a halt at it’s designated stop, pulling in to its place next to the other carriages. Without looking at how much he was handing over, Ben threw money at the driver, hopping out of the door and looking around him. He was still a few streets away from the circus.

Something acrid was in the air. Burning? Looking up at the dark sky, he realised that the lights around him were hazy with smoke. People were running, shouting in panic. Bells were ringing in emergency. Ben grabbed a man who was running past him.

“What’s going on?!”

“The circus is on fire!” the man cried, “The whole building is up in flames!”

_No…No no no…_

Instinctively, Ben set off in a sprint towards the building, the muscles in his legs straining with the sudden effort. The closer he got to the building, the worse the smell of smoke was becoming. He rounded a corner, coming to the open area in front of the building.

It was like something from a nightmare. The whole building was engulfed, flames licking up the brick work, snapping and spilling out from the burst windows from the ground all the way up to the top. Ben shoved and pushed his way through the horrified crowds to the front, relieved to find Luke there and safe, although he was covered in soot and dust.

“Luke! Is everybody out?” Ben shouted, grabbing him by the shoulders, shaking him slightly.

They both turned towards the main door, watching as Joe and Chewie dragged a worse for wear looking Finn from the building, the acrobat coughing and choking from the smoke.

“What about the animals?!” Poe shouted in panic.

“We set them free Poe, what else could we do?!” Luke shouted back, “Is everyone here?”

Ben looked around the congregated acts in panic, realising that the one face he needed to see safe wasn’t there.

“Rey? Where’s Rey?!” Luke cried.

Rey was nowhere to be seen which could only mean one thing and that was that she was still inside the burning building. Ben felt his blood go cold, panic gripping his chest and throat like a vice. He turned to face Luke in panic.

“Ben, no…”

Without a second thought, Ben pulled off his jacket, swinging it over his head and running into the building.

The wall of immense heat hit him like a ton of bricks, the air thick with smoke making it hard to breathe properly even with the fabric over his face. It was even worse inside than it had looked from the street. Almost every inch of the building was in flames, parts of the structure crumbling under the stress.

“Rey!” he screamed above the din of the crackling flames, hearing parts of the structure cave in around him.

He pushed forward, his lungs protesting the lack of oxygen. It didn’t matter. Nothing mattered except finding Rey, making sure she was safe.

He continued to search, his eyes watering until he saw her. He swallowed thickly, moving on adrenaline and instinct. She lay motionless on the ground, her face peaceful and oblivious to the carnage around her. Smoke inhalation.

He rushed to her side, abandoning his jacket, and he pulled her small body into his arms, cradling her against his chest as he ran from the building.

A great creaking sound rang from behind him as the balcony began to give way with the stress. The supports were breaking. He tightened his grip on the woman in his arms as he ran, darting to the side to avoid the falling wood and metal. The section of balcony he had stood on so many times landed with a mighty crash and Ben was barely able to keep on his feet with the tremor of the force it landed with.

Keep moving. Keep running. That was all Ben could think of, the sting in his eyes and burning in his lungs reaching critical limit as he reached the exit, bursting through the door and out into the street. The air was still tainted with smoke but what little oxygen available reached him and he could breathe easier.

“Step back. Give them some room!” Luke shouted to the others as they tried to crowd around Ben and Rey.

Ben fell to his knees, Rey still in his arms and he could finally look down at her properly. She was completely still, her pale skin covered in dark soot from the fire. His hand shook as he stroked her face, her skin frighteningly pale under the dirt.

“Rey?” He breathed, shaking her slightly, “Come on Rey, wake up…”

She was still breathing but it was shallow and weak. His vision blurred with the tears that pooled in his eyes, his throat tightening. He couldn’t lose her. Not when they were so close to being reunited.

“Please…please wake up,” he whispered in a choked sob, his tears leaving tracks down his dirt covered face, “You can’t leave me, not now…”

He couldn’t hear anything behind him, so focused on the only thing that mattered to him. He barely acknowledged the horrified screams from the crowd behind them as the top of the building finally gave way, caving in with an almighty crash.

Suddenly, there were people in front of him, reaching out to try and take her from his arms. Protectively he held her fast against his chest, growling at the men.

“No! You’re not taking her…you can’t…”

“Ben,” Luke said softly, gently placing a hand on his nephew’s shoulder, “You need to let them help…let them take her,”

Ben looked up at his Uncle helplessly. Luke had never seen a man look so heartbroken, so lost.

“She…she’s not moving…”

“I know,” Luke said gravely, “But we need to get her to a hospital. Let them help her, Ben,”

As gently as he could, Ben relinquished the woman in his arms to the other men, her body being laid on a stretcher, his eyes on her peaceful face the whole time. Dazed, he allowed Luke to help him to his feet, following the stretcher that would take Rey to the hospital.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: So, I know a few of you feel Ben is being stubborn or doesn’t love Rey as much as he claimed so let me give you some context. By Rey telling Ben that she never loved him and that he doesn’t belong with them, she really hurts him. Ben is acting out of hurt and anger while Rey was still under the belief that she was doing the right thing, spurred on by her insecurity about her station.
> 
> Han finally got a punch in the face! I think it was long overdue don't you?


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben goes to the hospital with Rey and Leia has a proposal for Luke.

The hospital was calm and quiet in comparison to the chaos of the street.

Rey had been taken in and examined, the doctor declaring what Ben had suspected which was that she had inhaled too much smoke, the carbon monoxide invading her body. She had been given oxygen and was cleaned and changed, having been moved to a bed in one of the wards.

Ben hadn’t changed his soot covered clothes, he had barely taken the time to run a wet rag over his face. He knew he probably looked a mess and smelled worse, but he didn’t care. All that mattered was the woman lying on the bed next to his chair. He held her hand in his, silently willing her fingers to move.

He had been told she would wake. He just had to be patient.

“Hello Ben,”

He jumped at the sound of his Mother’s voice, tearing his gaze away from Rey to look at Leia who was standing at the end of Rey’s bed, a sad smile on her face.

“Mother, what the hell are you doing here?” Ben asked confused.

“Well, I decided to come and see you, to speak to you properly, but when I arrived at the circus…well, you know what I found. Luke told me what happened, that I’d find you here,” She said, slowly wandering towards Ben’s chair.

He turned his head back to Rey, watching her with soft, concerned eyes.

“So, this is her then?” Leia asked gently. Ben nodded, not taking his eyes from Rey’s face, squeezing her hand carefully.

“Her name is Rey,”

Leia smiled at her Son. The way he spoke the girls with so much reverence. The love he had for her was written all over his face. No, there was no way he would have been happy locked into an arranged marriage. Not when she could now see what it would have cost him.

“She’s a beautiful girl,”

“She is,” he agreed, “She’s a beautiful person, inside and out,”

He sighed deeply, remembering how he had left things before the abandoned wedding.

“I hate to ask, but how did things go with Charity?” he asked. Leia patted his knee in comfort.

“Well, as you can imagine her parents were livid. I doubt we’ll be on their Christmas list any time soon,” She quipped, “But Charity herself? Well, I think she understood…she was sad but not angry with you. Not really,”

Ben nodded in relief. Not that he ever planned to see the girl again, or her parents, but he didn’t want to intentionally hurt her. She hadn’t done anything wrong. Charity had simply been caught up in an impossible situation.

“I’m leaving your Father,” Leia said suddenly, her voice quiet but firm and resolute.

Ben’s head snapped towards her in shock, his eyes wide. Divorce was uncommon and a woman leaving her husband was almost unheard of, no matter the circumstances. He had suspected, deep down, that his Mother had been unhappy for some time but to hear her declare her intentions so openly shook him.

“Really?” he questioned, “But…what will you do? The house, all your assets…”

“Are _my_ assets!” Leia confirmed, “I’m not a fool Ben. Of course, Han and I share a lot of things, but I was raised by royalty. I know how to protect myself. Believe me when I say, I’ll be just fine!”

“But what about everyone else? You know how they talk…” Leia smirked.

“Yes, people talk. They’ll talk about you running out on your wedding to be with someone of low standing…they’ll talk about me leaving my respectful husband…but you know what? That’s all they can do. Talk. And I don’t give a damn what they have to say because for the first time in my life I feel like I’m taking control of it,”

Ben smiled at Leia proudly, her words strengthening his own resolve. If someone like Leia Organa could ignore the chatter and gossip, then Ben certainly could.

“Think of it this way Son, for society to accept the choices we make they’d have to actually do something with their own lives,” Leia said, “We don’t owe them anything,”

“You’re right,” he said simply, pressing a kiss to the back of Rey’s hand.

Leia squeezed his shoulder in comfort.

“I suggest when Rey wakes up, you don’t waste another second putting my Mother’s ring back on her finger,” She insisted, “It’ll be nice to have such a daughter-in-law,”

She kissed Ben on the cheek, ignoring how filthy his face still was and moved to leave the ward.

“Mother,” Ben called, and she turned back to him, “I love you,”

“I love you too, Son,”

00000

Burning.

Something smelled like it was burning.

Everything was dark still and it took a moment for Rey to realise that the reason was because her eyes were closed. She inhaled through her nose, the acrid burnt smell intensifying with the amount of air she was inhaling.

Experimentally, she twitched her fingers. The hand that lay by her side was on something soft. Sheets? A bed? Yes, she realised, she was lying on a bed somewhere. Her other hand was wrapped around something, something warm and solid. She flexed her fingers again, this time whatever she was in contact with responded. A hand, someone was holding her hand.

“Rey? Come on sweetheart,”

That voice. It was deep, familiar and safe. The way they said her name, warm and comforting but tinged with desperation. It sounded like they had been crying. Why were they crying? Where was she?

Fire. It was coming back to her, snapshots of memory. Fire spreading rapidly through the building, running to the back to open the animal cages and set the beasts free before they were burned alive, becoming trapped by falling debris, the smoke scorching her lungs and cutting off her air, the terror that this was how she was going to die.

Her eyelids felt heavy, impossibly heavy, as she slowly opened them, her vision bleary. Everything was bright and white, save for the figure who was hovering above her.

Slowly, the world began to focus again, and the first thing Rey saw were his eyes. His fathomless, dark brown eyes staring down at her with concern and love and so many other emotions that she couldn’t comprehend. She blinked at him, her foggy mind processing that Ben was there with her, holding her hand, crying over her.

“You’re here,” she whispered, her throat rough and tired.

He reached across, cradling her head with his free hand gently and kissing her as soundly as he could without hurting her, relieved that she responded to him.

_He’s married_

She could ignore the voice in her head, just this once, just for this moment. If he was there out of some kind of guilt then at least he was there and if it was to be the last kiss they had, she would commit it to memory for the rest of her days.

“Thank God you’re alright,” He breathed, inches away from her, stroking her cheek and staring at her like she was the most precious thing in the world.

It hurt, she thought, it hurt to have him look at her that way knowing he was going back to someone else.

“What happened to everyone else?” She asked, “Did everyone else make it out? What about the animals?” her questions became increasingly panicked and he shook his head.

“Shh,” he soothed, “Everyone is fine, and all the animals escaped, I promise. We’re going to have a job rounding them up around Manhattan,” he laughed lightly, a warm smile on his face.

_We…_

His choice of words seemed strange to her. There was no _we_. He had quit the circus, he was married to someone else. He was going to leave them again now he knew everything was fine. Tears welled in her eyes at the thought and if it was going to be the last time she saw him, she was going to tell him everything.

“I’m so sorry Ben,” she cried softly, “I didn’t know what else to do, Han…he…”

“I know,” Ben said gently, stroking her hair, “I know the truth. I know you didn’t mean any of it…I just wish you had told me, we could have worked things out together. I meant it when I said you are the only thing that matters to me…”

“I didn’t want to hurt you,” she choked, “I just…I suppose it doesn’t matter now…”

“What matters is that you’re alive…and I’m here,” Ben said, pressing a kiss to her forehead, “And I’m not going anywhere ever again,”

Rey’s brows knitted in confusion. How could he stay here? He had another life to go back to.

“But you’re going to leave,” she wondered, and his expression mirrored hers.

“Why would I leave?” he asked, kissing her knuckles and she shook her head, adamant that he had things wrong.

“Because you’re…married,” she said, the words tasting bitter in her mouth, “You have a new wife to go back to. Thank you for coming to see me but I’m sure she’s wondering where you are…”

His eyebrows practically flew to his hairline. See her? Did she think he had only come to pay her a visit? Of course, she was completely unconscious. She had no idea what had actually happened.

“See you? Rey, I came back for you. When I arrived, the whole place was in flames, I pulled you out…I’ve been here ever since waiting for you to wake up,” he explained, “I…I didn’t go through with the wedding…”

Rey tried to sit up sharply, her head spinning with the effort and Ben reaching out to steady her.

“Easy!” he said sharply, helping steady her upper body as she stared at him open mouthed, leaning back on her elbows, his arm slipping around her.

“What did you say?” She said incredulously. Ben smiled at her gently.

“I’m not married,” he said, “Rey, I love you and I’m going to love you until the day I die. How could I possibly marry anyone but you?”

“But…you agreed to the engagement?” He sighed awkwardly.

“I did…I was hurt, so badly hurt by what you had said. I was lost, and I didn’t know what else to do,” He explained quietly, “I didn’t think I belonged anywhere. It seemed like the easy way to make things better…but then I learned the truth and I read your letter and I just knew I couldn’t do it,”

“What about…”

“No,” Ben said, his voice soft but insistent, “There is nothing else. It’s you and me, that’s it. I choose you…if you’ll have me,”

He felt himself pulled towards her, her hand around the back of his neck and her lips insistent against his. She whimpered against him, fresh tears falling down her cheeks.

“I’m so sorry Ben,” she cried quietly, and he wiped away her tears with his thumbs.

“Enough now,” he commanded gently, “No more apologies. From now on, we start again…clean slate,”

“I’d like that,” she smiled at him.

Quickly her eyes became unfocused, the sudden burst of energy she had received evaporating quickly and she slumped back onto the bed with a worn-out sigh. Ben had to good grace to feel guilty. She had only just woken and instead of giving her time to recover, they had jumped straight to the topic at hand.

“Okay, I’m going to get a doctor,” he said warily, “They’ll want to check you,” he said standing and she grabbed his hand.

“You’re coming back, though right?” she asked, her voice so small and unsure. He smiled down reassuringly at her, bending down to kiss her.

“Of course, I am,”

00000

“What a mess!” Luke grunted, throwing down the burnt piece of…what was it he was even holding? Everything was completely unrecognisable.

Daylight had dawned over Manhattan and the fire at the circus had left the building a shell of it’s former self. Fire men picked through the rubble behind him as Luke stood staring at mess, his heart heavy.

He may have been given financial assistance, but he had worked hard to get the show where I had been. Changing perceptions wasn’t easy and it had taken years to get to a point they were sold out almost every night over the summer. Those number and the profits he made from them managed to sustain them over the winter months when people were reluctant to leave the warmth of their homes in the cold, save for the odd Christmas event.

What worried him the most was that this building was more than just an entertainment venue. It was a home. The people he had taken in, who he had come to regard as family, had built a life around the circus. It was a safe haven for them, a place they could be themselves without fear of scrutiny or prejudice.

He had to rebuild. There was no other option.

“You weren’t kidding when you said the place was a goner then?”

Luke turned to see Leia standing there with an apologetic look on her face. He shrugged, his shoulders slumping in defeat.

“Leia, what can I do?” he said helplessly, “I feel so…responsible. They tried to warn me and I just kept sticking my head in the sand like an old fool,”

“Wanting to believe the best in people doesn’t make you a fool, Luke,” she said kindly, “Not investing in protection and intentionally antagonizing people…well that’s another matter,” Leia smiled wryly at him, patting him on the shoulder.

“I’ll rebuild,” he said, “Eventually. I have to,” Leia nodded in agreement.

“Well that’s what I wanted to talk to you about,” she said, “I’m leaving Han,”

“You’re…what?!” Luke exclaimed, “Oh Leia, I’m so sorry…”

“No, you’re not,”

“No, I’m not. He’s an asshole,” Luke grinned, “So, what will you do now?”

“I’ve been thinking about that. Quite frankly, I’m bored to death of fancy gala events and uptight snobs. I want to be closer to my family. My _real_ family!”

Luke smiled at her warmly. He had missed his sister.

“And as you probably have already guessed, Ben is going to be coming back to work with you,”

“Is he now?” Leia shot him a disbelieving glance, almost laughing at his naivety.

“His girl is here, do you really think he’s going to be anywhere else?!”

“So, Rey is going to be alright?” He questioned, and Leia nodded.

“She is,” She confirmed, “And you try tearing Ben away from her now. He’s going to be back working for you full time as long as Rey is here. Which brings me to my point,”

Luke closed his mouth to listen to his sister intently.

“I want to be closer to my family and you are going to need help getting back on your feet. What if the three of us were partners? You, me and Ben? 50 percent for you and 25 percent for Ben and me each?”

Luke grinned widely at her, elated at the idea that Skywalker’s circus would genuinely be a family business, shared by his sister and his nephew. He cleared his throat barely hiding his smile.

“Ah, yes…well…I may have to think about it,” he said, mocking deliberation and she laughed, pulling him into a tight hug.

“Everything is going to be fine Luke,” she said, “I promise. We’re going to make this all work,”

“We should go and talk to Ben about this!” he said excitedly, “Start the ball rolling straight away!”

Leia grabbed his arm as he moved to walk away, and she shook her head.

“Why don’t we give them a little privacy? I’ll speak to my lawyers and we’ll draft up some paperwork…until then, there are other things we need to take care of,”

She was right, of course. He needed to provide lodgings and safety for his people, he had to finish sorting through the rubble just in case anything else had survived. Hell, he had to bathe and change his clothes.

There was also the small matter of the wild animals running free around Manhattan.


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben and Finn are roped into a strange task while Rey has a little bonding time with Leia.

“Okay, easy big guy…”

Poe was standing in front of the giant cat, his arms outstretched and palms flat to show he meant no harm.

It had taken days to round up the animals from the circus that they could, a few having been lost completely, others having to be destroyed for public safety and BB was one of the few left. He was more problematic than most, the proud stubborn lion not wanting to come anywhere near the site of the fire. Luke and Poe had arranged for some temporary enclosures, the issue had been enticing the animal back to his master.

Not that Poe was really his master, per say. It was more of a partnership and right now, BB was the one in control.

On either side of Poe stood Finn and Ben, both of them wide eyed and wary to get closer to the cat.

“For Christ sake bow down a little guys!” Poe hissed.

“What, why?” Finn asked, his voice a harsh whisper.

“Because he’s a great big fucking lion that’s why and you don’t want him to think that you’re showing any sign of aggression,” Ben looked at the animal warily.

“I thought he was domesticated?!” Poe rolled his eyes.

“How domestic can you really make a lion?” He snapped, “I thought you were smart Ben!”

Ben grumbled under his breath but decided not to bother responding properly when BB growled at them deeply.

Rey had been released from the hospital a few days after she had woken and was given strict instructions to take things easy. Not that there was anywhere for her to do any kind of practice. While Luke had pretty much moved everyone into his own home for the time being, Rey had been spending time at Ben’s apartment.

As far as the young couple were concerned they were making up for time. She was there right now, Ben thought to himself, probably lying on their shared bed, maybe reading. Perhaps wearing nothing but her satin slip…

And here he was in a park trying to catch a God damn lion.

“So…how do we do this?” Finn asked unsure, “Cause, I’m not going to lie, this is a first for me…”

“Oh really, cause I do this _all_ the time…” Poe said sarcastically, his words being met with incredulous stares from the other two men.

“You _do_ , do this all the time, Poe!” Ben snapped, “It’s literally your job!”

BB roared again, agitated by Ben’s raised voice and Poe levelled him with a single look.

“Unless you want to be sent back to Rey with your leg missing, I suggest you _keep your damn voice down_!” he hissed.

Carefully Poe stepped closer to BB, the lion eyeing him warily.

“Hey buddy,” he said soothingly, “I know you’re scared but it’s okay, I’m here now…I’m going to take care of you…”

He continued to talk to the animal, taking small steps forward until he was almost touching him. The lion flinched, snorting roughly from his nose, the air hot on Poe’s outstretched hand.

“Come on pal,” he said softly, “It’s me. You know me, I’m here to look after you,”

Ben and Finn held their collective breath watching Poe gently stroke BB on his soft nose, watching in awe as the animal almost whined into the touch, relenting and softening to Poe who slipped a rope around the lion’s neck and tightened the lead. He turned back to smile at his friends, a relieved sigh escaping him.

Finn leaned over to Ben.

“Does that rope look strong enough to hold a damn lion?” He said from the corner of his mouth, still giving Poe a tight smile. Ben crossed his arms, shaking his head.

“Absolutely not,” he drawled, “if he wants to…he could eat us,” he said in a very matter-of-fact manner. Finn nodded, his face both amused and horrified.

“Oh, good,” he quipped and suddenly he frowned, “So…are we walking a lion through Manhattan?”

“We’re walking a lion through Manhattan,” Ben confirmed dryly.

Finn sighed, and the two men turned to follow Poe as he walked, BB growling at them quietly. Ben shook his head in disbelief at the bizarre situation he found himself in.

Of all the things he had expected to do that day, helping to chase down a lion had not been one of them.

“Come on guys,” Poe said cheerily, “Once we get this guy home we’ve got some elephants to take care of!”

Finn turned in horror to Ben.

“Did he say elephants?!”

00000

A lump formed in Rey’s throat as she looked at the demolished, charred remains of the circus building. Since she had been admitted to hospital and released, the fire service had been working around the clock to clear the mess to the point there was now almost nothing left in front of her.

She could see all the way through to the pastures out the back near the river, rows of wooden stables now turned to charcoal the only indication that anything had been there. She wasn’t going to hold out hope that anything from her room survived.

“It’s sad to see isn’t it?”

Rey turned to see an older woman next to her with a very recognisable face. She smiled politely while scanning the woman with her eyes, trying to work out where she had seen the features before.

She was exceptionally well dressed, her hair in a tasteful up-do while wearing jewellery that may have been subtle but could tell from a mile away how much it really cost.

“It’s more than sad,” Rey sighed, “It’s devastating. I don’t know what everyone is going to do,”

The woman smiled warmly at her, her brown eyes sparkling. A faint glimmer of recognition fell over Rey’s face. She had seen those eyes before.

“I’m sorry, I don’t mean to be rude, but have we met?” Rey asked, “I feel like I’ve seen you before,”

The woman laughed lightly, shaking her head.

“Given what you’ve been through I’d have to let you away with it but no, we haven’t met,” she said, “I’m Leia Organa-Solo,”

Rey froze, blinking dumbly at the woman who had just declared herself to be Ben’s Mother. She had met Ben’s Father. Oh, how she had met Han, but Leia was someone she had never actually spoken to.

“Oh…OH!” Rey gasped, “You’re Ben’s Mom…I mean Mother…I mean…It’s so nice to meet you!” she stammered, becoming increasingly flustered with every slip up she felt she was making.

“Relax my dear, relax!” Leia said kindly, “Before you start getting all bashful, I know all about you and Ben…”

If Rey hadn’t already felt rattled, hearing Leia say that she knew of her relationship with Ben was enough to send her into a spiral.

“Oh my God…Leia I am so sorry,” Rey stuttered, “I didn’t mean to break up the wedding…I didn’t know…” Leia waved her hand.

“Honey, if Ben had married that little wallflower he’d have been miserable his whole life. I visited you in the hospital with him and he didn’t leave your side once. That’s the kind of love I want for my boy,” she said sincerely.

Rey tried to speak but she couldn’t find the words. Leia Organa-Solo, a woman she had read so much about in the society pages of the papers. A woman of high standing, who could have taken every opportunity to disapprove of her Son’s relationship with the orphan girl from the circus. She was standing there next to her, smiling at her, telling her that she basically didn’t care about the abandoned wedding.

She was giving Rey something that she had never received from a maternal figure before. Approval.

And, God, if it didn’t make Rey burst into tears.

Rey was somewhat mortified by the sudden flood of emotions that burst from her like a dam finally giving way. So much had happened and it had been difficult to process it all. The way only a Mother knew how, Leia wrapped her arms around the girl’s shoulders, holding her tightly as she sobbed onto Leia’s shoulder.

It was cathartic, Rey thought to herself feeling the weight lift from her chest and shoulders. She hadn’t really taken the time to process everything that had happened to her. Now, hearing this woman relieve one of her biggest fears, Rey couldn’t keep it in anymore.

“Shh, it’s okay honey. You just let it all out,” Leia soothed, stroking the girls back as she hiccupped.

Rey pulled back, wiping her eyes, looking at Leia in embarrassment.

“I’m sorry,” She muttered, trying to clean her face, “I don’t know what came over me!”

“Don’t be so hard on yourself. You’ve been through a lot, I don’t blame you for being overwhelmed,” Leia said.

Leia looked at the environment around her, a wicked grin spreading over her face when she spotted what she was looking for.

“What have you got planned right now?” Rey shrugged.

“Well…Ben is away helping Poe with something,” she said, “He’s been insistent that I rest but I was so bored, and I wanted to come down and see the place for myself…I suppose…nothing. I’m not doing anything,”

Leia continued to grin.

“Rey…can I buy you a drink?”

00000

Ben had arrived home to find his apartment locked and empty.

When he had left that morning, Rey had kissed him goodbye, promising and assuring him over and over that she was fine but that she would do as he had asked and continue to rest.

He knew she had been checked over by the doctors and given the all clear, but Ben was still wary. Knowing how close he came to losing her had spooked him and he knew he was maybe fussing too much but Rey was always indulgent, allowing him to fuss over her like a mother hen.

But now she was nowhere to be found and Ben was uneasy about it.

Luke’s. She must have gone to Luke’s. It was the only place she would go without telling him, surely? Luke didn’t live far from Ben and he decided to make the journey to Luke’s townhouse.

“Ben!” Luke said, with a smile as he opened the door, “I thought you were going home?”

“Is Rey here?” Ben asked quickly, his stomach dropping when Luke shook his head.

“No, she’s not been here. What’s wrong?”

“She wasn’t at my place…Where else could she have gone?” Ben wondered, running his hand over his goatee in thought.

“Maybe she headed back to the old building? She hasn’t seen it yet,”

“I was going to go with her when she was feeling better,” Ben grumbled, “I’m going to go and look for her,”

“I’ll come with you,” Luke said, grabbing his coat from the rack next to his door and calling to the residents that he was heading out for a while.

“So, you’ve still go almost everyone at your place?” Ben asked as they marched quickly down the street. Luke nodded.

“Yeah, it’s a bit of tight squeeze I’ll admit and Chewie does shed but it’s infinitely safer than putting them up in a hotel,”

“Cheaper too I’d imagine,” Ben said dryly.

“You know as well as I do, we need to be careful…especially if we’re going to be rebuild,”

They continued to walk, arriving at the building site but there was no sign of the young woman. Ben grunted, looking all around him in frustration. The police presence was far higher since the incident but that didn’t make Ben feel any better. It wasn’t that he was angry, not at all, he just wanted to know she was safe.

He looked all around him helplessly until Luke tugged his arm.

“Why don’t we ask if anyone has spotter her huh?” He suggested, “Young, pretty girl. People tend to pay attention to that,

“That’s what I’m bothered about,” Ben muttered.

Ben frowned at the building Luke was dragging him to.

“Luke, I don’t want to have a drink right now…”

“Oh, come on, that’s not what I’m doing!” He promised, “Someone in here might have seen her,”

He shoved the door to the bar open. It wasn’t a horrible place, in fact it was far classier than many in the area and Ben had visited more than a few times with Luke and Poe.

“Hey Johnny,” Ben said, greeting the bartender, “Have you seen Rey around?”

The mark smirked at him, nodding towards the far corner of the room.

A group of people had surrounded a table, watching whoever was seated and cheering when someone took a drink, the sound a shot glass hitting the table.

“Umm…Ben? You’re going to want to see this!” Luke called from the crowd, laughter in his voice.

Ben wasn’t sure exactly what he had been expecting but he knew what he had _not_ been expecting and that was Rey and his Mother, Leia in the middle of a drinking competition.

Leia was bleary eyed, smirking at Rey with an amused, unfocused expression while Rey was in much the same state, her cheeks rosy and a look of grin determination on her face. Someone standing over the table filled her glass.

“Alright honey,” Leia slurred, “I’ll cut you a deal…you’ve done better than I thought you’d do. Finish that one and we’ll call it a draw, how ‘bout it?”

Rey blinked at the woman in front of her, trying to focus her vision and comprehend what she was being told. She was swaying back and forth in her seat.

“Rey? Mom?” He questioned, the two drunk women turning to look at him, both of them grinning.

“Ben!” Leia exclaimed in surprise, “I found Rey!” Ben pinched the bridge of his nose.

“Yes, I can see that,” he said tightly, “And you decided the best way for you two to…what? Bond? Was to get her drunk?!”

Leia laughed dismissively.

“It’s just letting off a little steam Benny!” she said, and he huffed.

“Leia is _so_ nice Ben!” Rey gushed, tripping over her syllables, “She was telling me _all_ about you when you were a kid!”

“Wonderful,” Ben said sarcastically, reaching out and taking the glass from Rey’s hands and putting it back down on the table, to a chorus of disappointed onlookers.

“I think you’ve had enough, sweetheart,” he said carefully, and Rey pouted at him.

“Just one more!” she begged, “I have her!”

“Yeah come on Ben!” Leia goaded, “Just one more, let me see what this girl of yours has got!”

She was going to be sick, he just new it. She was going to be sick and he was going to have to take care of her. Not that he minded taking care of her. He wondered if his Mother finally being free of Han and his uptight influence was as good an idea as it had appeared.

“Luke, you’re going to have to take care of this, you know that right?” Ben said to his Uncle, turning to see Luke trying to contain his laughter.

“Oh, don’t you worry. I’ve carried my Sister home in this state more than I care to mention!” Luke laughed.

Rey stared at the glass in her hand like it was the enemy and she was going into battle. Steeling herself, she brought the glass to her lips, only hesitating for a moment before throwing burning liquid down her throat and slamming the glass on the table. The crowd around her cheered and Leia gave her an applause.

“Welcome to the family, Rey!” She declared, her words garbled and incoherent.

“Alright, that’s enough everyone,” Luke said, dispersing the crowd, “Show’s over. Go back to your drinks! Come on Ben, let’s get these ladies home,”

Rey grinned up at Ben, her face flushed from the alcohol and despite his irritation at the situation he couldn’t help but smile back at her. It was the most carefree he had seen her in so long it seemed, even though drinking had that affect on people, it was nice to see. A stark contrast to her lying lifeless in a hospital bed, or the last time he had seen her before that, a haunted look in her eyes as she told him those poisonous lies.

_Forget that now…_

But now, she was smiling, laughing, _bonding_ with his Mother, of all the unexpected people. He reached down, wrapping his arm around her small waist, her lead flopping onto his shoulder as she giggled.

“Come on you,” He said, “Let’s get you back home!”

Her feet were unsteady as they walked but luckily Ben was strong enough to keep balance for the both of them. He was grateful his apartment was so close by, onlookers sending them mortified glances. While it wasn’t the most upmarket neighbourhood, it still wasn’t common to see a young woman so far down the bottle in the late afternoon.

The fresh air had helped her sobriety a little but not enough that she was still completely herself and as soon as the door to the apartment was closed, Ben found himself shoved against it, her body thrown against him and her lips on his.

She tasted like sunlight and hope, like he could see his whole future and for once it finally looked bright, but mainly, she tasted like sweet bourbon whiskey and it quickly brought him to his senses, stopping his hands from wandering.

Ben may have stopped but Rey certainly hadn’t, one of her hands around the back of his neck while the other trailed down his chest and stomach, towards his belt. He jumped as her fingers brushed his head through the front of his pants and gently he held her wrists.

“Rey, stop…” he said softly, and she pouted up at him.

“What’s wrong?” She breathed, “Don’t you want me?”

“I do! I really, _really_ do!” he assured her earnestly, “But not like this, not when you’ve been drinking so much,”

“What does it matter?” She asked, trying to kiss him again, landing at the corner of his mouth, “I’m yours…” Ben frowned down at her, something unsettling about her choice of words.

“Rey, I don’t own you,” he said quietly, “Just because we are…what we are…doesn’t mean I get to take whatever I want from you...Nobody gets to do that. _Ever_!”

Rey blinked up at him with an unreadable expression and he was worried that his rejection had hurt her. Slowly a dawning of understanding lit her eyes and she swallowed hard.

“I…I don’t really know what to say…” she breathed, staring blearily into his concerned eyes, “I’ve spent life fighting off men like that…and now I find myself with a man that I have to chase…”

“You’re _not_ chasing me!” Ben insisted, “I love you and, Jesus, do I want you…but not when you’re drunk, not when you can’t…just…not like this okay? I don’t want to even be considered like those other guys,”

The thought of Rey handing herself over to him out of a sense of duty or the idea of him forcing himself on her like Plutt or the man he had saved her from made Ben feel sick to his stomach.

She turned away from him, wandering through to the bedroom, her face lost in concentration while Ben followed her, trailing behind and pulling off his jacket.

“I…I don’t think of you that way,” she stuttered, “Ever. What would make you even think that?”

She sat on the bed with a thump, swaying a little, leaving Ben standing in front of her.

“I just know what you’ve been through in the past and I don’t want to be like that…”

“What?” Her head snapped up to stare at him, her unfocused eyes sharpening suddenly, “What do you mean ‘you know’?”

Ben had never told Rey how Finn had talked to him that night. She didn’t know that he was aware of some of the grizzlier details of her past. It had never seemed appropriate to bring up and now it seemed that mistake was coming at him and fast. There was no point in hiding the truth now, not when they had agreed to be honest with each other.

“Finn…he told me some things,” Ben muttered, “About how you two met…”

“I see,” she answered shakily, swallowing, “How much did he tell you then?”

“The basics, I guess…just about how you two ended up running away when you were teenagers,” Rey nodded in understanding.

“Well, then you know everything,” she said firmly.

Ben looked at her with soft, almost hopefully eyes.

“Maybe, but I think I need to hear it from you,” he said, “Would you please tell me what happened?”

Rey cast her eyes to the floor frowning and Ben wondered if he had asked too much of her, but it was important to him. He had heard some details from Finn, but he needed to hear it from her. When he told her that he wanted to start again, he meant it and that meant being completely honest.

Slowly she looked up at him again, giving him the tiniest of nods before she shuffled over on the bed.

“Okay but I can’t do it with you standing in front of me like a detective,” She sighed, “Please just…hold me?”

“Of course,” he agreed, toeing his boots off and immediately joining her on the bed, wrapping his arms around her body and pulling her close to his chest.

“What happened to you?”


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey tells Ben her story, in her own words. Luke, Leia and Ben agree to go into business together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Smack in the middle of final hand ins and University exams at the moment so sorry if updates aren’t coming as quickly. I don’t want to rush chapters and put out something I’m not happy with just for the sake of updating as I’m sure you can understand!

[](https://imgur.com/wkHD8hM)

 

“What happened to you?”

They had shuffled around the bed, Ben propping himself up on some pillows and pulling Rey against him, her head leaning on his chest. It was such a charged question, she wasn’t sure where to begin but his steady, strong heartbeat against her ear calmed her. She was thankful there was still alcohol in her blood.

She was angry that Finn had already told him some of her business. Even though she knew he was only trying to put her interests first, it wasn’t his business to tell.

Where would she even begin? Did she start from when she met Finn, skipping her early childhood, or did he want to know everything? She took a deep breath, letting the faint scent of his aftershave wash over her senses.

“I don’t want you to feel sorry for me okay?” she warned, “It was a long time ago now,”

“I promise,” Ben said kissing her hair, “I just want to know you. All of you,”

“I didn’t know my parents,” she said quietly, her voice so far away as she thought back to her earliest memories, “The only thing I had from my Mom was a note that was pinned to me when she left me behind. I was left on the front door of a church, bounced between different orphanages until I was 14,”

“And that’s where you met Finn?” Ben asked, feeling Rey nod against his chest.

“And that’s where I met Finn,” She confirmed with a small smile, “It was some run-down place just outside of Boston. ‘Purgatory junction’ they called it. It was where they sent the kids that didn’t know what else to do with…kid’s that couldn’t find homes. Going there was like being hidden away, out of sight, out of mind…”

She could see the place in her mind, clear as day. The massive old building, decaying and crumbling, surrounded by fences topped with barbed wire. Filthy and depressing in all it’s grey and beige glory. Kids would sit outside it and beg openly in the streets for people to take them away, to save them from the monster inside but their cries would fall on deaf ears.

Inside hadn’t been much better. The dinning hall with its rows and rows of benches and tables, serving up the most basic, cheap slop they could. Stale biscuits and cold gravy, lumpy oatmeal. You either ate the food or you starved.

The bedrooms slept 8 people, all with a rusty framed, single sleeping bed each. The sheets were usually infested with lice. In the summer it was easy enough to go without but when the winter time rolled around, it was better to risk being bitten than it was to freeze to death. Heating was a luxury that Plutt had never been willing to pay for when it came to his charges.

“Plutt was the caretaker of the place,” Rey continued, “He was this huge man who walked around holding a cane. If he didn’t like something you were doing or if you spoke back to him, he would smack you with it,”

Ben winced, scowling at the thought. How could someone be so cruel as to hit children for no reason?

“But he never used to hit me,” Rey said, “That’s what I noticed straight away as soon as I arrived. It’s how I knew he looked at me…differently,”

“Differently?” Ben knew what she was referring to. Finn had already told him and in a way, he was glad he was already slightly prepared. It didn’t make the sick feeling brewing in the pit of his stomach any easier.

“He would try to be nice to me. Offer me things that the other kids wouldn’t have like treats from his personal kitchen and the easier work duties. He would try to get me on his side but…there was always something about the way he would watch me, something…predatory,”

She shuddered against him and Ben’s arms instinctively tightened around her. She was grateful for the silent support.

“The first time Plutt tried something, Finn had been there,” She said, “He was trying to offer me something, I can’t really remember what, but he had reached out to touch my face and Finn flew out of no-where and hit him on the nose. He was punished badly, beaten, but after that he stuck by me…made sure that Plutt stayed away,”

Finn’s protective streak had bordered on obsession when he was a teen. Later, he would tell Rey it was because he had already known of a girl Plutt had attacked and he had been powerless to stop it. _,_ He would argue and shout and was punished often for his insubordination. Every other day Rey would see him sporting a swollen eye or split lip and she felt awful that it was because of her. It didn’t matter, Finn would tell her.

“But there was one night…Finn wasn’t there,” she breathed, her voice trembling, “He had been moved away on work detail and I was completely alone. Plutt came into my room, he told me that he could make life easier for me if I just…just… _played the game_ …if I did what he wanted…”

Bile rose in Ben’s throat and he swallowed thickly. He kept his furious eyes looking upward towards the ceiling of his bedroom, willing his temper to stay in check. His brave girl, hearing how small her voice sounded, how her body still shook at the memory made him incandescent with anger.

“It happened so quickly. He was standing in front of me then he grabbed me and threw me down on the bed…I couldn’t move, he was so much bigger than I was and he was on top of me…and all I could do was close my eyes and try to pretend that it wasn’t happening…”

She sniffed loudly, her body shuddering and he knew that she was crying. Ben said nothing, pressing another kiss to her hair and stroking wherever his hands landed until she was ready to continue.

“Out of nowhere, there’s this crash and Plutt was pulled off me. Finn had knocked him out and the rest of the night, to this day, is still a blur. Finn grabbed my hand and we took whatever we could carry and we both ran as far away as we could,”

“Was Plutt dead?” Ben asked quietly, his voice oddly calm. Rey shrugged.

“I…I don’t know,” she said, “I think he was just knocked out. I heard a rumour that he was running a home in New Jersey but nothing solid and I didn’t care to really find out,” Ben nodded as if he was only vaguely interested in the information. Little did she know he was committing it to memory.

“What did you do after that?” Ben asked, and she sighed, content that the worst of her tale was over.

“We travelled around. Walking, following railroads, jumping on the back of trains…that kind of thing,” she said, “Eventually it lead us to New York and that’s where we found Luke,”

“He was looking for people for his show I take it?” She shook her head against him and he could have sworn he heard her huff a laugh.

“Actually…it was a little less innocent than that,” She quipped, “Luke caught Finn trying to steal his wallet…”

“He what?!”

“Don’t sound so surprised!” she shot back, “We were starving and on the street, we didn’t have a choice! If it had been anyone else Finn would have gone to jail but Luke…well, he asked Finn for an explanation and when Finn told him, he listened…really listened. He told us that he was putting together a show and he would need some hands. That same day he took us in…and we’ve been with him ever since,”

Ben smiled. For all his Uncle Luke was the eccentric of the family, the black sheep, he was also a man of great compassion. It didn’t sound out of character at all for Luke to want to speak with the young, black boy that was trying to rob him, to understand him, and Ben had never felt so grateful for his Uncle before.

“So that’s why you’re so loyal,” Ben said, and Rey nodded with a smile.

“Luke is like the Father we never had. I don’t know where we’d be if it wasn’t for him…I certainly wouldn’t have you,”

She tilted her head to grin up at him and feeling that his intense rage had ebbed, Ben looked down at her, relieved to see her face was relaxed save for the tear stains. He brushed her cheek with his thumb gently.

“Hmm, remind me to send him a fruit basket,” he jested, his face then turning serious, “Thank you for telling me. I know it wasn’t easy,”

“You make things easier,” she said sincerely, “And you deserved to know…I wish Finn hadn’t told you first…”

“He was just looking out for you. You know that,” Ben said, leaning down to kiss her gently. She settled back against him, tucking her head under his chin happily.

There was no need to break the silence, far more relaxed than Ben could have expected it to be given the information he had just been told and as the light began to die down he could feel her breathing even out, knowing that she was falling asleep against him. She was in his arms, whole and safe and nothing, not Plutt, not Han Solo was going to break them apart. He was going to make sure of it.

00000

Ben hadn’t slept much that night. His mind had been too full, twisting and turning with the things Rey had told him. They had talked deep into the darkness, Rey telling him all the details of her travels with Finn around the country, how they had learned trapeze and how they had helped Luke in recruiting other performers for his circus.

Rey had slept soundly and that’s what had been important to him. Telling him her past, baring her soul to him had made her feel lighter, less burdened, knowing that even though she had told him the truth of who she was, he wasn’t going to leave her.

She had sobbed her anguish realising that if they had only been so honest in the first place then maybe they both could have been spared heartbreak. Ben had simply kissed her tears away, telling her that it didn’t matter anymore. They were together now and that’s what mattered.

But something had been bothering him. She had confirmed Finn’s story of how he had stopped Plutt, smashing his head with a lamp but she didn’t know what had happened to him. The rumour that he was still alive and _still_ looking after vulnerable children didn’t sit well with Ben.

He was startled from his thoughts when Leia and Luke both walked up to the table he was sitting at. They were to meet at a café near Luke’s apartment to finalise some legal details and as per usual, Ben had arrived early. He absently sipped his coffee, eyeing the siblings as they walked in. Luke was holding a large stack of papers.

“Ben,” Leia cooed, “Always the first to arrive,”

“Mother,” Ben greeted, leaning in as she kissed him on the cheek, “I’m amazed you’re looking so fresh considering how much you drank yesterday,” Leia scoffed.

“At my age you learn to hold your drink,” she said wryly, “Maybe some day I can teach you. How was Rey this morning?”

“She was…delicate,” Ben said evenly, quirking his eyebrow and sipping his coffee.

“I hope you take care of that young woman Ben,” Leia warned, “She’s an absolute diamond. I really don’t know why you kept her from us,”

Ben opened his mouth to protest but closed it again. Surely his Mother knew exactly why but he saw no point in starting a heated discussion. Luke interjected, dropping the pile of paper on the table with a thud before he sat down.

“What’s this then?” Ben asked.

“It’s the finalised contracts, one for each of us!” Luke declared proudly, “Just picked them up from my lawyer this morning!”

Ben picked up one of the contracts, flipping through the pages.

“Well would you look at that. Printed on proper paper and everything,” he said with a sarcastic smile on his face, “I half expected these to be drawn on napkins…”

“Oh, come now Ben!”

“You seem to be forgetting the receipt you gave me for the elephants…” Luke waved his hand in dismissal.

“That was a purchase…”

“Doesn’t make it any less important…”

“ _This_ is a business proposal. All three of us, Skywalkers together, running this circus. I’ll take 50%, you and Leia will hold 25% each but all decisions will be made together. How does that sound?”

Ben nodded in agreement, his eyes scanning the words on the page.

“It sounds fair. I’m assuming I will still be taking care of all the financial duties, balancing the books?” Luke nodded.

“Of course, I wouldn’t have it any other way!”

“and you’ll make an effort to actually give me proper receipts and invoices?” Luke rolled his eyes.

“Only if it will stop you moaning,” he quipped. Ben moved once again to protest but sighed deeply. There was little point.

“I’ll remind him dear,” Leia said happily, “Don’t you worry. Now, all you have to do is sign,”

Leia handed him a pen and Ben flipped through the pages, signing the lines he was instructed to. For someone who had always fretted about business decisions, about making snap choices and binding himself into legalities, as was normal for someone who had studied finance and business, he was oddly at ease with what he was doing. Joining Luke and Leia in business, something he could share with not just family but with Rey as well, it all felt solid to him. It felt right.

They had toasted to their new venture but suddenly something very obvious occurred to Ben.

“So…this is all well and good but where are we going to actually host the Circus now?” he asked, “We’ll have to find another location and after those protests, it’s going to be difficult finding agents willing to sell to us. Even with your backing, Mother,” Leia shook her head.

“Real estate right now is a horrible investment anyway,” Leia said, “I know we agreed that we would talk about things as a trio but I’ve had an idea that I’d like to show you both tomorrow,” Ben raised an eyebrow in question.

“Tomorrow? Why not just tell me now?”

“Because it would be far more effective for you to see it,” Leia said simply, and Ben sighed, looking to his Uncle.

“I swear to God, if this is like the elephant thing again…”

“It’s not,” Leia promised, “For one thing, I have a proper receipt!”

Luke finished his coffee, wiping his mouth with a napkin and standing.

“Well if you’ll both excuse me, I did say I would get this back to our lawyers today to have them filed,”

Ben and Leia bid Luke farewell, leaving the Mother and Son together in the café. Ben was thoughtful in his silence, his previous musings coming back to him.

“Mother, do you still have contacts at the Mayor’s office?” Ben asked.

“I do,” she said, “Why? What do you need?”

“Oh, it’s nothing…”

Leia levelled Ben with a look, her inquisitive eyes sharpening as she examined him. His attempts to look casual were failing miserably and he scolded himself. He should have known better. Leia was always able to see right through people.

“Ben…”

“If I tell you, and I can’t tell you everything, you have to promise to keep it to yourself!” Ben warned.

“Have you ever known me to gossip?”

He relented, shaking his head. Leia Organa was a great many things, but a gossip was not one of them and he knew whatever he had to tell her was going to remain in confidence.

“Rey and I did a lot of talking last night and she told me some details about her childhood. It’s…well, it’s not pleasant,”

Leia’s mouth formed a thin line listening to her Son speak. She knew the horror stories of the system and how it failed so many children. He didn’t go into details about what actually happened to Rey, but Leia could imagine it wasn’t anything short of traumatic.

“Anyway, she had been in the care of a man called Plutt and I’m looking for some information on him,” Ben elaborated, and Leia regarded him carefully.

He was calm in his tone, but there were subtle hints that gave away his intentions. The way his jaw moved, the slight twitch under his left eye, the way his fists clenched on the table.

“Any if you get this information, what are you planning to do with it?” She asked seriously.

Ben picked up his refilled coffee cup, looking his Mother calmly in the eye and taking a sip.

“I’m just going to have a conversation with him. That’s all,”

Leia continued to take in her Son and his manner, listening to his calm yet dangerous tone. There was more of Han in him than Ben would ever care to admit, and she had never seen it so prevalent before.

“Ben…promise me if I give you this information that you won’t do anything stupid…”

“I won’t do anything stupid,”

“Alright,” Leia relented, “I’ll make a few inquiries and see what I can do,”

They settled into an uneasy, tense silence, both sipping at their beverages politely, both knowing that Ben had just told his Mother a lie.


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Leia shows the group her idea, Ben and Rey release a little tension and Ben recruits Poe and Finn for a secret project.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The smut is back for this chapter. I'm not very experienced in writing smut but I do hope you filth merchants enjoy!

[](https://imgur.com/DIVAfGT)

“Well, what do you think?”

Much to Ben’s chagrin he had been woken early that morning, so he could meet Luke and Leia so that she could show them the idea she had mentioned the day before. They had ended up further out from town than Ben had expected, moving past the docks to the large, open stretches of land nearby.

He blinked up at the structure Leia was pointing at, the morning sun cresting over the bright colours and Ben held his hand above his face to shield his eyes.

“It’s a tent…” he said with confusion.

Ben, along with Rey, Finn, Poe and Luke stood next to Leia in front of a huge brightly coloured tent, all set up and roped down.

“It’s more than just a tent,” Leia insisted, “It’s the answer to all of our issues!”

“Okay, I’ll bite…how?”

“You’ve said it before yourself, real estate in Manhattan is a terrible investment. You don’t get nearly enough for your money and with our past problems we’d struggle to get anywhere half decent. The land, the tents, they all cost a fraction of a building!”

“It doesn’t exactly look secure,” Finn said concerned.

“You’re just seeing the bare bones so far. We own so much of this land, we can turn it into a small community. Fenced off, caravans and we can hire security. Our own security,” Leia explained, “Come inside and take a look,”

The group walked inside the massive structure, Ben reaching out and feeling the thick fabric. It was certainly sturdy, waterproof but was it really going to be the answer they were looking for? The morning sun bathed the interior a riot of rainbow colours, covering the three rings, the centre ring being the largest. Around the perimeter of the tent was tiered seating, save for the space at the back of the tent where Ben assume the backstage area would be.

“And the whole structure is built around a solid steel frame that’s been anchored to the ground,” Leia continued as she gave the group the tour, “Which means, Rey and Finn, your trapeze will be completely sound!”

Rey grinned in excitement, bouncing on the balls of her feet as she clung around Ben’s arm. She hadn’t been on the trapeze in so long and she was itching to get back into practice and she knew Finn felt the same way.

“Okay, I have to hand it to you Mother, this is actually a pretty good idea,” Ben admitted, “But we’ll need to really push advertising with this new location…and improve the look of the land,”

“You leave that all to me!” Leia said proudly, “We’ll get this whole place looking like an absolute dream land. All you need to focus on is the business end of things!”

They continued to walk around the land, Leia, Luke and Ben discussing where the perimeter boundary was going to be, the best type of fence to put up and how security would work. Even though they were miles outside of the main town, security was still an important issue and they didn’t want a repeat incident.

Poe spent time assisting with the best design for the animal enclosures, working out the best way to house the different species as well as organising pastures so his animals could spend time outside in the grass and sun.

“It’s the best way to keep them happy and a happy animal shows in how they perform,” Poe had explained.

“So, since we now know where we’re going to be holding our show, what’s going to happen with our homes?” Finn asked, “We can’t all just keep living at Luke’s place,”

A thoughtful silence fell over the group until Leia turned to survey a piece of land around the back of the large tent.

“We can build,” she said simply, “We have more than enough space. We can build homes. We’ll be able to accommodate that in the budget, right Ben?”

“I’d have to take a proper look but with the money saved on buying a building…we’ll be able to work out something. I can’t promise that they’ll be full sized cottages though…”

“It doesn’t matter!” Finn said happily, “The important part is that we’ll all be back together. Right Rey?”

“Yeah, of course,” she said, “Everyone will want to stay together,”

“And you. You’ll have your own space again!”

Rey frowned thoughtfully. She had been basically living with Ben since her release from the hospital and even though they hadn’t officially discussed their future, Rey was reluctant to go back to being separated from him. The idea of them not cohabiting the same space felt like taking a step backwards but with Finn looking at her with such excited, expectant eyes and the others all listening in, Rey hardly felt like it was the place to talk about it.

“I suppose so,” she settled for, relieved when Poe pulled Finn along and began talking to him about other things.

Ben had kept quiet when Finn had brought up their living situation but as the group walked around, he slowed his pace, gently pulling Rey’s hand to slow her with him.

“So…is that what you want?” he asked softly, “To go back to living at the circus?” Rey wrapped herself around his arm, holding it tightly and the increased contact soothed his anxiety.

“Well, we haven’t really talked about it,” she said, “It just made sense while I had nowhere else to go,”

Ben frowned. That wasn’t it at all. It had made sense for her to stay with him considering he had so much space and they had reunited as a couple, but it was more than that. He wanted her there, he wanted to know she was safe and looked after and provided for.

“I wanted you there… _want_ you there,” he insisted, “It’s not just because it’s convenient. I love you,”

“I love you too,” she said shyly, her face pressed against his bicep, “and I don’t want my own space. I want you in my space,”

Ben raised an eyebrow at her, smirking roguishly in such a way that it brought a blush to her cheeks and she suddenly realised the innuendo in her words.

“Ben!” Rey cried, playfully smacking him on the chest, “Not when your Mother is nearby!”

He grinned, stopping them to grab her around the waist, spinning her around as her arms wrapped around his neck. He kissed her soundly, holding her body tightly against his. She deepened the kiss and immediately felt his body responding to her as her tongue tangled with his and she nipped at his bottom lip, giggling at the groan that reverberated from his throat.

“Why Miss, I do believe you’re trying to seduce me,” he said, his low husky voice betraying the teasing tone he was trying to take with her. She smiled up at him innocently, gazing at him through her long dark lashes.

“Well then, you better get me home,”

“To _our_ home?” he asked hopefully, smiling against her lips as her kiss was her only enthusiastic reply.

“Hey! Hands where we can see them you two!” Poe shouted, breaking the moment, “We still have work to do!”

Ben growled at the back of his throat pulling away from her while Rey could only giggle at his annoyance.

“Come on big guy,” she sighed happily, “I’m sure you can control yourself for a little longer,”

The only comment Ben made on the matter was an unsure ‘hmm’ and he allowed himself to be pulled along by the hand towards the rest of the group. For the remainder of the afternoon, while Luke and Leia prattled on about locations and acts, Ben could only focus on the small brunette tucked against him and how he was counting down the minutes until he could get her alone behind closed doors.

00000

The rest of the afternoon had been a slow kind of torture. It had been as though baring her soul to him had given Rey a new kind of confidence in him, in their relationship and suddenly his playfully shy, demure girl was acting like a wanton tease. It filled him with a degree of masculine pride that he knew it was all for him.

When Leia had suggested they headed to a restaurant for lunch, Ben had all but screamed no in his Mother’s face, making an excuse that he had made other arrangements for himself and Rey. Leia knew exactly what was going on. He knew they hadn’t exactly been subtle by the time they were making their way back into the main part of town. Too many heated glances, lingering touches and stifled groans, especially when her adept fingers had brushed the front of his pants.

Accidentally, of course.

By the time they made it back to Ben’s apartment, _their_ apartment, his blood was boiling for her. The door closed behind him and he felt himself shoved against is, her body tightly pressed against him, feeling his achingly hard cock through the fabric of his pants as she kissed him.

Considering her inexperience, Ben being the only man she had ever slept with, he had always tried to be careful, gentle, never wanting to push her past her limits. The way she was with him now, he quickly realised that she didn’t want gentle, and it was setting his senses on fire.

Without breaking their kiss, he pushed her back, dancing them towards the bedroom as she roughly pulled his coat from his shoulders and abandoned the garment to the floor, his tie following it.

By the time they arrived in the room, both were almost stripped to the skin, a curious trail of clothing left in their wake from the door. He was about to throw her back onto their bed until she switched him, silently commanding that he sat down.

The need for relief was overwhelming and he wrapped his hand around his aching length, stroking himself languidly. She held his eyes boldly dropping to her knees in front of him, reaching out and carefully removing his hand so she could take him into her own. He groaned at her touch loudly, not even trying to hide his pleasure.

“You’ve been so good to me Ben,” she said huskily, moving her hand up and down in feather-light touches, “So giving. I think it’s about time I gave you something instead,”

The lightness of her touch made him whine in his throat, desperate for more contact. She was so close, he could feel her hot breath on his head as she blew a light huff over him, as if testing his reactions. He twitched, his hips moving forward of their own accord. He needed her mouth.

“Please…” he whispered throatily, and Rey smiled wickedly at the effect she was having on him. She was the one in control and it was delicious watching him barely hold it together.

She glanced back from his eyes to his weeping cock, hot and solid in her small hand. His size wasn’t a surprise to her, she had taken him inside her before but now she was seeing him up close, she could really appreciate how well endowed he was and she hoped the tricks a few of her friends had told her would help bring him to his knees.

“Rey, please…I need you…I need to come, _please,_ ” he didn’t care that he was begging. He wasn’t above it.

The roughness and want in his voice was all the encouragement she needed. Closing her eyes, she opened her mouth and reached out, her tongue swiping a lick over his weeping head, savouring the taste of him.

He moaned at the contact, feeling her take him in as much as she could, her tongue swirling the underside of him and her cheeks hollowing at the effort. She kept one hand at the base of him, moving it up to take advantage of the extra moisture and using it to pump him easier with her fingers while her mouth focused closer to the tip, sucking with just the right amount of pressure to draw ragged moans from his lips.

Fighting the urgh to grab her hair, Ben’s fists twisted in the sheets of his bed. It was hard to believe this was her first time doing this, she was moving over him so instinctively, his groans of pleasure driving her forward to continue exactly what she was doing. He was close, the way she was pumping him and the way her mouth was working, the double sensation was driving him closer and closer. Forcing his eyes open to look down at the beautiful sight, her pink lips parted around him, the effort causing moisture in her eyes. It was downright erotic.

“Rey, I’m going to…you need to stop…” he groaned with some effort. He didn’t want her to stop, at all, but he couldn’t come in her mouth.

He was too far gone to do anything except sit there, the humming sound she made in her throat to tell him no sending small shocks along his shaft. His balls tightened, the tension pooling in him finally releasing and he groaned loudly, his spend spilling down her waiting throat.

“Jesus, Rey!” Ben ground out, his throat raw from the combined effort of his moans and harsh breathing.

She smiled up at him, luminous and proud of her efforts as she wiped her mouth. He had never seen a sexier sight in his life and pulling himself together, he grabbed her by the shoulders, bringing her to her feet so he could pull her back with him onto the bed, both kneeling in front of the other.

He could still taste himself on her tongue as he pulled her to him, but rather than disgust him, as he knew it would have done for others, it woke something primal in him. She was his. He wanted to claim her, to mark her.

Trailing hot, wet kisses down his neck, she nipped at the tender skin on the junction between his neck and shoulder with her small, sharp teeth, inciting an excited hiss from him.

“Rey…” he warned, and she pulled his head back by the hair at the nape of his neck, using just enough pressure that he could feel the burn at his roots. She met his dark eyes, almost black with pure lust. The animalistic look in her eyes was enough to bring his cock to attention once more.

“You don’t need to be careful with me,” she whispered roughly, “I’m not going to break. I trust you,”

His hand trailed from her knee, up her thigh and stomach, across her breast and neck until he reached her hair, fisting it tightly enough that she released her grip on him, her eyes fluttering closed as she moaned at the wonderful tension against her scalp.

Ben leaned forward, his mouth inches from her ear, his hot breath sending a shiver down her spine.

“Get on all fours,” he commanded dangerously. She shivered as he released her, doing as she was told. His voice was a warning, silent and deadly, but she knew he wasn’t going to hurt her, not any more than she wanted.

She breathed heavily in anticipation, feeling his hand trail from the back of her neck, along her spine until he came to the join of her hips, pulling her roughly back so her ass was in the air, dropping her to her forearms.

He lined up behind her, glancing down at her perfect pink folds, glistening and wet for him. Rey whimpered, feeling him against her, his cock rubbing against her causing unbearable tension that would only be satisfied when he gave her what she wanted. She insistently pushed her hips back against him and he smirked, his hand snaking down between the apex of her thighs to rub her aching clit.

“I want you to be loud when I fuck you,” Ben growled, “I want everyone to know that you’re mine,”

“Please Ben…” Rey begged, her eyes rolling back at how painfully slow his fingers were circling her. The tension was driving him mad as well, but if she wanted to play rough then that’s what she was going to get.

“Please, what? What do you want me to do Rey?” She was panting with the want, desperate to be filled by him but when she tried to press against him, he pulled his hips away, a needy whimper spilling from her lips. “Say it…”

“I…I need you to fuck me!” she cried, “I need your cock…please Ben,”

Hearing the filthy language from his love’s mouth made him inhale sharply and without warning, he slammed into her with one hard thrust, her body taking him to the hilt. She cried out, a mixture of pleasure and pain spinning her senses as she was pushed into the pillow in front of her with the sudden force.

He pulled back with painful deliberateness, forcing her to feel every inch of him and he waited, the only sound in the room was their combined ragged breathing. The tip of him still inside, one hand held her hip while the other traced reassuringly up her spine until he found her hair, wrapping his fist around her brunette locks.

With a snap of his hips, her head jerked back as he thrust into her again, harder than the first time. She keened, falling from her forearms so her chest was flush with the bed. She had never felt so filled, he was so deep in her, pulling her head back so her back arched.

“Ben, fuck…you’re so big!” she was practically sobbing his name, the dual sensations of him pumping in and out of her dripping cunt and his hand in her hair causing a tension to pool low in her belly that was reaching critical limit as she rocked back in time with his harsh thrusts.

“You like this? You like it when I make you mine?” he groaned hoarsely. His body fell forward to drape over hers as he continued to fuck her ardently, pulling her hair to trail messy kisses along her shoulder and neck, biting and nipping at the soft flesh around her pulse.

It was animalistic, loud and exactly what he realised they had been missing. He loved her, and he loved her body and everything about her, but up until now things had been so…polite. Tentative. They had both needed to let go, but he had always promised they would go at her pace. Not his.

But now? Now she was telling him that she trusted him with more than just her heart, she trusted him with her body and Christ, he was going to enjoy it.

“Nobody else gets to have this cunt, you hear me?” he growled, more animal than man by now, “Who’s cunt is this Rey?”

“It’s yours! It’s all yours, only yours!” She cried, “Please, fuck, I’m so close…”

The angle of her body had him hammering that particular spot he was so skilled at finding with his hands, causing her to practically scream out each time, tightening around him. It was ecstasy feeling her tighten around her, incoherent moans of pleasure spilling from both their lips.

“Harder, please…give me everything…”

“Take it, take all of it,” he grunted, his own thrusts becoming increasingly erratic as he neared his own release, “Come for me Rey,”

He continued to hit that particular spot head on every time, hissing between his teeth as his balls tightened. The sound of his low, gravely voice telling her to come combined with his teeth on her skin and the friction against her clit with every thrust pushed her over the edge and she screamed his name as her orgasm washed over her, her thighs shaking and her stomach tensing.

The feeling of her body tightening around him, his name spilling from her lips like a curse, pulled his release from him with a ragged gasp, his hips rolling against her again and again, prolonging the sensation, her orgasm milking him as he spilled in her with a deep, throaty moan.

As they came down from their high, he slipped from her, Rey allowing herself to fall forward on the bed, the tension leaving her upper body that had supported her and all that remained was an ache in her neck and shoulders.

He collapsed next to her, his breathing still coming in sharp, short inhales and his heart still hammering against the wall of his chest. He stared at the ceiling as their breathing slowed, Rey automatically coming to rest on his chest, hearing his slowing heartbeat against her ear.

“Shit,” he breathed, blinking bleary eyed ahead of him, his hand absently stroking her hair and he pressed a kiss to her temple, hearing her sigh contentedly against him.

“That was…” she had no words to describe how she felt in that moment. Content. Safe. Complete.

“I know,” he sighed happily, feeling more relaxed than he had in months. Suddenly, as the haze of lust began to lift he realised something, his hand trailing down her leg and reaching between her thighs.

He closed his eyes tightly feeling his seed dripping down her thigh. Stupid, Solo. He had been so overtaken by his need to take her that they hadn’t given a single thought to the consequences.

“Damn,” he scolded himself, “I’m sorry,” It took Rey a moment to realise what he was apologising for until she watched him look at his own hand, his spend on his fingers.

“It’s okay,” She breathed, “My period wasn’t that long ago. There’s a chance nothing will come of it,”

“I hope you’re right,” he muttered, turning his head to kiss her lazily, “You make me lose myself,”

She pushed his sweaty hair out of his face, returning his kiss with love.

“I don’t think I’ll be able to go back to using that thing,” Rey sighed, referring to the condom she had acquired, “Not now I’ve been reminded what it’s like having you inside me without it,”

He groaned, his head falling back onto the pillows with a frustrated grin.

“You can’t say things like that to me when you’re lying on top of me naked,” he whined, “It’s not fair,”

“Hmm, well then maybe I should just leave you to it…” she quipped, moving away from him. He tightened his arms around her, pulling her back to him.

“Not at chance, love,” he said, kissing her affectionately. They lay in contented silence, enjoying the feel of skin on skin contact in the afterglow.

“Ben?”

“Hmm?”

“Didn’t you have somewhere you needed to be?” She asked, “I was sure you told me you were to meet Finn and Poe for something,”

Ben’s eyes opened suddenly, his senses waking up. She was right, he was going to meet the two men, the darling woman in his arms making him lose track of time.

“Damn, you’re right,” he sighed, “I suppose I should get cleaned up,” he reluctantly pulled himself from her arms, the sight of her naked body making him moan. He didn’t really want to leave her.

“You make it hard to leave, my little temptress,” he teased, and she grinned at him.

“The sooner you go and deal with your business, the sooner you can come back,”

“Are you sure you’ll be alright here by yourself?” he asked, wandering towards the door to go and wash. She nodded with a smile.

“I’m sure. Go, have a good time,”

“If you’re sure,” he said, “I want you waiting in that bed for me when I get back!”

00000

Poe and Finn were already at the bar when Ben finally arrived, the two men giving him knowing stares as he approached the table. There was already a glass waiting for him and Finn uncorked the bottle and poured as Ben sat.

“Let me guess, you were help up at the office?” Poe smirked. Ben raised an eyebrow, knowing that Poe knew exactly why he was late.

“My boss can be a real task master,” he replied sarcastically, “Sorry to keep you waiting,” Finn wrinkled his nose.

“If we could just…not…that would be great,” he drawled, “Anyway, Solo, you wanted to talk to us about something?” Ben nodded, picking up his glass.

“I’ll cut to the chase, I need your help with something,” he said seriously, “and I’ll understand if you boys decide this isn’t something you want to be part of,”

“Well, what is it?” Poe asked, “We can’t make a decision until you tell us,” Ben finished his drink, tapping on the table for Finn to pour again.

“The other night, Rey told me her story. All of it,” he said carefully, Finn’s eyebrows raising at the news. He had already told Ben a little about what happened, but now Ben knew the full story and he could see the building fury in the man’s eyes.

“She told me all about Plutt, about what he did to those kids…to her,” he sneered, “My Mother has contacts at the mayor’s office. I’ve been able to track him down…”

“What do you mean ‘track him down’?” Poe asked, “Ben, what are you planning to do?” Ben downed his second drink.

“I’m going to make sure he doesn’t hurt anyone ever again,”

Finn smiled vindictively, a strange kind of pride filling his chest for Ben. He nodded enthusiastically.

“And you need our help?” he asked, “I’m in. That man has gotten away with too much, for too long…”

“Whoa, what are you talking about?” Poe hissed, “Are you just going to kick the shit out of him? Or…”

“Or,”

Poe shook his head sharply.

“Ben, come on…you’re talking about _killing_ someone here…”

“It’s no more than he deserves!” Finn exclaimed, trying to keep his voice down so as not to attract the attention of the other drinkers, “The man is a monster!”

“Then let him rot in jail!” Poe shot back, “Let the authorities deal with him!”

“If the authorities could do that, he’d have gone under a long time ago,” Ben said evenly, and Finn agreed.

“But…this kind of hooded, vigilante justice…not to mention, if we get caught we’re all going to _hang_ for it! I don’t know about you guys, but I like my neck the way it is… _rope free_!” Ben poured Poe another drink.

“Plutt is a child molester, a rapist, the lowest of the low. He tried to rape Rey when she was only 15 years old…and he _still_ has children in his care…doesn’t that bother you?!” Ben hissed.

Poe helplessly tried to form a reply, his drink hovering in front of his lips and he threw the liquid back, hoping it would help.

“Of course, it bothers me,” he sighed, “I just…Ben, are you sure?”

“I’ve never been surer about anything,” he declared, “I’ve got contacts and a man like that, well, nobody will miss him,”

Poe was silent as he thought about his friend’s words, tapping the table with his glass for it to be refilled.

“So…what are we going to do?”

“It’s simple,” Ben said, “We’re going to kill Plutt,”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was dedicated to Mr Driver saying "Get on all fours" in season 2 of Girls...


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben plays a game with Rey

[](https://imgur.com/eMYjxDG)

“So, we’re all set?”

Ben nodded at Finn as they walked around the new Circus owned land, watching as the building work had begun on the land. Leia was a fast worker; her hires already having constructed a heavy fence in the space of a few days.

“We’re set,” Ben said, “I have a contact in Jersey. He’s going to make sure of the clean-up,”

“You said he can make people disappear,” Finn said, and Ben nodded.

“He can,” Ben confirmed, and Finn frowned.

“But the final blow? That’s going to be on us, right?” Ben turned to look his friend in the eye, his own gaze dark, cold and sharp as cut glass.

“That’s on us,” Finn nodded in satisfaction.

“Good,” He said, “Where did you meet this guy anyway?” Ben shrugged.

“He’s a contact of a friend…of a friend,” he explained, “Families from Princeton? You don’t get that rich without being into some shady stuff…and the guys I went to college with, well, some of them were into some shady stuff,”

“And they won’t rat us out?” Ben shook his head.

“Nah, there won’t be enough of a trace,” he said, “The guy also doesn’t know our names. I’m not stupid,”

“is there anything else I should know?” Finn asked, “I just want to be sure before we go headfirst into this thing...”

“No, we’re good,” Ben said, “How is Poe about it all?” Finn sighed.

“He said he’ll help keep watch but he doesn’t want to be in there when it happens. I suppose I can’t be that surprised, this isn’t his fight…”

Ben nodded silently. Finn was correct, it wasn’t Poe’s fight. Really, it wasn’t even Ben’s fight. He had taken it on when he had fallen in love with his darling girl. It filled him with an instinctive need to avenge what had happened to her, to fulfil a strange bloodlust that it brought on. Ben didn’t consider himself a violent person but this, this had become personal.

“Hey,” Finn said, hitting Ben on the shoulder lightly and shaking him out of his thoughts, “Don’t you have somewhere to be?” he asked, looking at him pointedly.

Ben pulled his pocket watch out and winced. Finn rolled his eyes.

“You know, for a guy who owns such a fancy watch…you never actually use it,”

“Shut up,” Ben said flatly, “See that Poe is ready, alright?”

“Alright,” Finn grinned, “Knock her dead tiger!” he quipped winking at him.

Ben couldn’t help but smile brightly, turning and jogging off to his errand.

00000

Ben had woken Rey that morning with a kiss on her cheek. He was already dressed, telling her that he didn’t have the heart to wake her up and that he had to head to the circus to help with some of the work.

“I’ve left something for you in the sitting room,” he said with a mischievous smile, “I’ll see you this evening,”

She had allowed herself the luxury of staying in bed a little longer after he left before her curiosity got the better of her and pulling on a robe, she wandered towards the sitting room.

On the coffee table was a letter, Rey recognising Ben’s elegant, well-schooled script instantly. She grinned with excitement, opening his letter, wondering what game he was playing.

_My darling girl,_

_I’m sorry that I have some work to do today. I’d much rather indulge you in person, but it does present an opportunity._

_You have an appointment at 154 Hill Avenue, at 10 o’clock._

_Don’t worry about bringing anything except your beautiful self._

_Forever yours,_

_Ben x_

Rey’s cheeks hurt from grinning and checking the time, she skipped back to their bedroom to dress for whatever Ben was planning.

00000

She had done exactly what Ben had asked, dressing and making her way to the location Ben had told her.

She squinted up at the sign in front of the store, instantly recognising it as a very upmarket spa. She gulped lightly, unsure of herself. The women in these places had more money than Rey had ever known in her whole life. They would spend so many dollars paying other people to make them beautiful.

But he had arranged something for her and she wasn’t going to let him down. Pushing open the door, the bell rang with a light tinkle and a woman smiled as she walked inside.

“How may I help you?” she asked politely. Rey smiled in return. There was no hint of judgement or distaste in the woman’s features. So far, so good.

“Hi there,” Rey said uncertainly, “Umm…I was told I have an appointment at 10 o’clock?” The woman grinned widely, her eyes lighting up.

“Of course! You must be Rey!” she beamed, “Mr Solo has arranged everything and we’re going to take good care of you today!”

She wrapped her arm around Rey’s shoulders, leading her to the back down a corridor of rooms, each with a number.

“If you don’t mind me asking, what exactly has Be…Mr Solo arranged? He hasn’t told me anything!” Rey said.

“I’m under strict instructions not to give anything away!” the woman said with a cheeky smile, “But you’re going to have a wonderful day, I can assure you!”

She pushed open one of the doors, to reveal a beautifully decorated room, all pale pastel colours and full of fresh flowers, their scent filling the steamy air. In the corner of the room was a huge, elaborate bathtub, filled to the brim with hot water, flower petals floating on the surface.

There was also a dressing table with a huge mirror, a comfortable velvet lined, plush seat in front of it.

“If you would like to undress, there are hooks here for your clothes,” the woman said kindly, “We’ll start with an aromatherapy bath, afterwards we’ll wash your hair and you’ll receive a massage and any skin treatments you like. We’ll finish my styling your hair any way you choose,”

“Oh, wow…this is so…” Rey stammered, “I’ve never done anything like this before,” she admitted shyly.

“Don’t you worry dear,” She said, “For one thing, there is nothing on the female body we haven’t seen before and we are here to serve you. If you need anything, any refreshments, just ring this little bell,” she said, pointing to the bell next to the bath.

Rey smiled happily at her but the whole experience felt strange. She had never had someone wait on her before and it felt vaguely uncomfortable.

_Don’t ruin his surprise by being neurotic…_

Rey thanked the woman who left her alone to strip her clothes and slowly she lowered herself into the fragrant, steaming water.

It felt like heaven, the perfumed water mixed with oil skimming over her skin. Refreshing her muscles and cleansing her well worn nerves. As much as this was all strange to her, a small part of her felt like she deserved this.

She had been through so much. Was it really so bad to let someone pamper her just a little? She sighed happily, dipping her head below the water and emerging, ringing the hot water through her hair.  

After a little longer, when the water had dropped in temperature, Rey rang the bell and an immaculately dressed assistant appeared with fresh water. It was all Rey could do not to groan as she had her hair washed, wondering if she could hire the girl on a full-time basis just to provide a head massage each day.

She was assisted from the tub, stepping into a luxurious fluffy robe that hugged her freshly washed skin, moving to sit in the chair. Rey smiled at herself in the mirror, picking up the cup of tea offered to her. She looked more relaxed already.

“Now, just a small trim I think,” The woman said, examining her hair, “Freshen up these ends a little. How would you like it styled?”

“Oh, umm…I don’t really know…what do you suggest?” The woman winked at her.

“Hmm, I believe I know exactly how it should be done,” she smiled conspicuously, “You leave it to me,”

Rey sipped at her tea, indulging in the chocolate covered strawberries on the tray in front of her as the woman snipped the ends off her hair, towelling it as dry as she could before wrapping it in chunked rags to set her soft curls.

Once her hair was completely dry, the rags were pulled out and her waves softened. She pulled the top section of Rey’s hair back behind her head, securing it with a mother of pearl comb and leaving the rest of her hair to spill delicately over her shoulders.

She finished her masterpiece by spraying Rey with a mist that smelled like jasmine.

“Now, you’re all set!” she declared proudly, “And I have to give you this,”

She handed Rey another letter with her name on it. Rey felt another spasm of excitement wrap around her chest and she tore open the letter without hesitation.

_My beautiful Rey,_

_I trust by now you’re suitably relaxed and refreshed._

_Marie’s services are second to none and I know she will have taken perfect care of my precious girl._

_There is a carriage waiting outside to take you to your next destination. As before don’t worry about a thing, it’s all taken care of._

_It’s my biggest regret that I’m not able to see the wonder in your beautiful eyes in person._

_I’ll count down the seconds until I have you in my arms again._

_Ben x_

Marie, Ben had called her, stood with her arm guiding Rey out of the room towards the exit of her shop and as promised, a private carriage was waiting for her. She thanked her for her care and her hospitality, before she stepped into the luxurious carriage and the driver signalled the horses to move.

00000

The carriage stopped at a boutique that Rey stood in awe of and she stepped out of the carriage dumbly, not even paying a lot of attention as she took the drivers hand when he assisted her.

“Are you sure this is the right place?” she asked him and the impeccably dressed man nodded proudly.

“Mr Solo was very exact in his instructions,” he said, and Rey rolled her eyes in good nature.

“I’ll be he was,” she quipped turning back towards the store.

She walked inside and was met by a beautiful red-headed woman who smiled broadly.

“You must be Rey,” she said warmly, “My name is Penelope and I own this establishment. We’ve been expecting you!”

Rey smiled in return before looking around and taking in her environment. She had never seen so many fine dresses in all her life.

“We’ve been instructed to create a wardrobe for you,” she smiled, and Rey gasped at her.

“A… _whole_ wardrobe?!” she breathed, “No…no that’s too much…it’s too…”

“Mr Solo was very specific,” Penelope said, “I’m afraid I have to follow his instructions to the letter,”

Rey sighed with a smile, shaking her head with a disbelieving smile.

“I’ve been hearing that a lot today,” she said, “is there anything else?”

“Why don’t we begin by getting you measured?” Penelope said, “This way please!”

Rey followed the woman towards a dressing room, obediently stripping to her underwear and allowing the assistant to wrap her in tape measure before being handed several dresses in various styles and colours, trying them all on.

Some she liked a lot, others she shook her head at and decided it wasn’t really her style. She was more into function than just fashion and anything with too many ruffles and frills just made her feel silly.

Eventually she had chosen a few that would be delivered directly to the apartment, also finalising a number of designs to be made specially for her.

“And now, we need to find something for you to wear this evening,” Penelope said and Rey frowned.

“What’s happening this evening?” Penelope shook her head.

“I’m afraid I’m not able to tell you, I’ve been sworn to secrecy…”

“Of course, you have,” Rey jested, “Alright…lead the way,”

Penelope lead her to a dressing area at the back of her store, a gown already hanging there. It was nothing like Rey had ever worn before, especially in terms of colour. First of all, it was made of the blackest silk she had ever seen, with a thick, pale pink sash.

“Please,” Penelope said, allowing Rey to change into the dress.

The sweetheart neckline dipped low, helping to accentuate her breasts while the sash pulled her in at the waist, giving her more curves than she was used to, the capped sleeves sitting gracefully on her shoulders. She spun around, the black silk dancing around her legs. It was simple and elegant. She felt like herself, but more polished and perfected. The look was finished with new boots and a diamond necklace that Rey had rejected until Penelope reminded her that Mr Solo had insisted.

“Now, all that’s left to do is a little make-up,” Penelope said, “I have an artist waiting for you here,”

“Oh…do I need some?” Rey asked. Penelope shrugged.

“This time, the decision is yours,” she said, “Mr Solo was quite clear that it was at your discretion. I believe he said that you were beautiful no matter you decided to wear…he was right!”

Rey blushed a shade of crimson at her words, but it made her feel a strange kind of security to know that Ben had told another woman how beautiful he thought she was, as if he was declaring that he was a one-woman man.

In the end, Rey had chosen a natural look. Something far removed from the layers of glitter and bright colours she wore while performing. She wasn’t the trapeze artist for him, she was Rey. Just Rey, and that was who she would be.

Finally satisfied with her appearance, Penelope handed Rey an envelope.

“This is for you. I hope you have a magical evening,” She said sincerely, a knowing smile on her face.

Everything had been so magical already, Rey hardly knew what to expect next.

_My love,_

_By now you’ve been pampered and treated like the queen I know you are._

_As before, there is a carriage waiting outside to bring you to me._

_I want you surrounded by life and beauty, but just know that there will never be anything as full of life and beauty as you, my darling girl._

_I’ll be waiting,_

_Ben x_

He was waiting for her. After day of caring for her, of giving her everything, she was finally going to see his handsome face and Rey could hardly contain herself. She grinned brightly, her happiness and excitement incandescent as she was guided back to the carriage, setting off to finally see her Ben.

00000

Dusk had fallen around New York by the time the carriage pulled up outside the huge glass structure. Rey frowned in confusion.

“Where are we?” She asked the driver as he assisted her out of the carriage, “Are you sure this is correct?”

“We’re at the New York botanical gardens Miss,” he answered, “Mr Solo will be waiting for you inside,”

She nodded, blinking at the doors. Suddenly she was nervous. What was he planning?

Slowly she walked towards the entrance, nodding at the well-suited doormen who greeted her.

Walking inside she suddenly realised what Ben’s words had meant about life and beauty. The whole place was full of colour, she had never seen a place so green before. Trees and grass and leaves all accented with brightly coloured blooms, their sweet scent filling the air.

The place was bathed in a soft yellow glow from the various oil lamps hanging around her. It was beautiful, but there was only one sight that she could stare at once she had found it.

Ben was standing in a clearing, his dark hair and suit in stark contrast to the light and colour all around him, the glow of the lights reflected in his deep brown eyes and he was wearing the most beautiful smile that took her breath away.

He held his hand out to her as she approached, and she took it instantly, being pulled against him in a loving kiss full of admiration.

“You look unbelievable,” he whispered to her, gazing down at her face as he held her closely.

There was no circus, no fire, no insecurity as she looked up into his soft, brown eyes, hints of amber swimming there in the lamp light. He smelled of vanilla, sandalwood and bourbon, the mixture of scents swirling around her and intoxicating her senses. His arms held her safely against him.

It was a perfect moment in an imperfect world.

Wordlessly, he stepped back from her to take all of her in again.

“Black is a very good colour on you,” he breathed, his eyes dancing over her figure, igniting a want in her that rivalled their last night together.

He reached into his breast pocket.

“I know that the first time I did this things weren’t perfect. There was still so much unsaid between us, things that should have been said,” he stated clearly, “And it was done impulsively, even if my heart was in the right place. You deserved more than that, more from me,”

Her heart was hammering in her ears, her mouth hanging open in awe, dry, watching as he slowly dropped to one knee in front of her, holding her left hand in his.

“I love you, Rey,” he said, his voice quivering, “I had so many things that I wanted to say to you but now you’re here, in front of me, I can barely find them…I’m yours, body and soul, I am yours until the day I die. I want to live with you, have a family with you…Rey, will you marry me?”

He was right. The first time he had proposed felt like a lifetime ago, like a story someone had told her of a life she couldn’t remember. Now he was on his knees in front of her, waiting with bated breath for her answer.

His hand was trembling almost as much as hers and she realised he was nervous. If she rejected him now, it would be his end, he knew that as fact. Tears swam in her eyes, watching his throat bob as he swallowed nervously, his eyes imploring her for an answer.

“Yes,” she said softly, her voice sounding far away to her own ears, “Yes, I’ll marry you,”

He slipped the ring onto her finger, his grandmother’s ring that she had handed him back when she had broken them. The weight felt right on her hand, comforting to her, like the weight of his hand holding hers.

Tears in his own eyes, he stood to pull her to him, crushing his lips against hers in a desperate kiss so full of passion and love that it threatened to overwhelm them both. In that kiss she knew that nothing else mattered except the man in front of her.

The world was a hard place, full of terrors and hardships but in that moment, there was only Rey and Ben and that knowledge that they loved each other fiercely. That was enough.


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben and Finn take matters into their own hands

[](https://imgur.com/BCMapxG)

The moonlight streamed through the window of their bedroom, a faint breeze causing the light curtains to dance daintily in the air.

Rey was sleeping soundly, lying on her front, her face turned towards him and her body uncovered to her hip, leaving the expanse of the bare skin of her back exposed. Ben was wide awake, lying on his side, propped up on his elbow while his free hand skimmed her smooth skin, making random circles across her shoulders and down her spine.

He smiled, hearing her sigh in contentment at his touch. She looked so peaceful, her face completely relaxed, small huffs of air coming from her slightly opened mouth and her long brunette hair spread out over the pillow like a fan.

The remainder of their evening together had ended with them falling back to their home, Ben bridal carrying Rey to their bedroom. He had held her close, both giddy, breathless and glowing before she had dozed off, pressing one last kiss to his pulse point and telling him how much she loved him.

Despite how happy he was, sleep wasn’t coming easy to Ben that night and he knew why. Everything was confirmed and ready. All they had to do was turn up.

His resolve had wavered when he was with her. She was so…good. So bright, her light reaching every cold, dark part of him and spreading warmth wherever she touched. If she knew what he was planning, would she hate him? Would she think he was no better than the others?

But in the darkness of the night, when he closed his eyes, he could see her. His dreams showed her screaming, crying, pressed against that brick wall, a faceless stranger with his hands all over her. She was begging for him to stop. Ben would wake panting, covered in a sheen of cooling sweat and when she would wake, sensing his distress, he would kiss her forehead and squeeze her body to his and tell her it was nothing.

Just a nightmare.

Watching her now, he knew this was what he had to do. She deserved justice and Ben was more than happy to be the one who swung the axe.

“Ben?” She whispered, her voice rough with sleep and her hazel eyes blinking up at him, “What’s wrong?”

Nothing was wrong. She was going to be his wife, they were sharing a home together and soon, the demon that haunted her was going to eradicated. Nothing was wrong.

He smiled at her, brushing a stray lock of hair from her face.

“Nothing darling girl,” he whispered, “How can I sleep when you’re just too beautiful to look away from?”

Rey huffed a laugh, wriggling closer to his warm, naked body, pressing her nose against his chest. Ben rolled onto his back, pulling her close.

“Go to sleep, silly man,”

00000

“Mother, I need you to do me a favour,” Ben said as he walked with Leia.

She had been showing him the improvements she had been making to the grounds. The fence had been finished, the new gate constructed and now her men had begun working on the back of the grounds and animal enclosures. The circus was to re-open within the fortnight and inside the tent, the performers were enthusiastically back to work, rehearsing and trying new things.

“I have two tickets to the ballet this evening and I’d like you to go with Rey,” he said.

“Of course, that sounds wonderful,” Leia replied happily but suspicion soon crept into her voice, “But why can’t you take her, surely she’d rather go with her fiancé rather than his Mother?”

“There’s something I need to take care of,” Ben said ominously, and Leia stopped walking. He turned back to look at her plainly.

“This wouldn’t have anything to do with that information I gave you?”

“It’s nothing you need to worry about,” Leia scowled, walking up to her Son and poking him hard in the chest.

“Oh, I think it is!” she snapped, “Benjamin Solo what are you planning to do?”

“It’s nothing,” he ground out, his voice low and careful, “It’s fine,” Leia sighed.

“You know I don’t believe you but I’m not going to force you to tell me,” she said, “But please, _please_ , think about what you’re doing…if you get caught…what will happen to Rey? Do you really think she wants to watch you swing?!”

“Nothing will happen!” Ben said testily, knowing that Leia knew his plans without him having to say a word, “I’ll be back before she knows it. Just…please, this is something that I have to do!”

“Have you ever thought that she might not _want_ this? That maybe she wants to look to her future…the one she’s building _with you_?” Leia insisted, “Ben, this isn’t like you…”

“He hurt her…and countless others. He can’t be allowed to go unpunished,”

“And that’s it huh? You’re just going to, what, kill anyone that hurts her…”

“If I have to!” Ben spat, breathing hard, “I’ll do _anything_ for her,” Leia stared at her Son incredulously.

“Even kill someone?”

Ben regarded his Mother silently. She didn’t seem angry. No, she only looked incredibly sad and torn. He knew she understood his need to do this, he had heard stories of his Father, how he would get into fights in his younger days for Leia’s honour, but this? This was so much more than that.

“If it keeps her safe,” he answered.

Leia was about to reply when Rey suddenly appeared from the main entrance of the giant tent. She hadn’t even realised they had wandered so close. Rey was dressed for practice and was grinning widely.

“There you two are!” She called, “You should see what Finn and I have just come up with, it’s terrifying!” Ben plastered a warm smile on his face, his happiness at her excitement making it easy to improve his mood from the conversation with his Mother.

“Just what I love to hear,” he jested, “My soon-to-be wife narrowly missing the jaws of death!” She giggled lightly, wrapping her arms around him and pecking him on the lips.

“What were you two talking about?” She asked cheerfully looking between Ben and Leia, the latter’s poker face not nearly as well held as the former.

“We were just discussing this evening,” Ben said, “I believe my Mother was talking about taking you to the Ballet?” he cast his eyes to Leia, sharp as a flint.

Leia sighed, forcing a smile on her face. He was a man now, and he was going to make his own mistakes even if she didn’t like it.

“That’s right,” She confirmed, “I have two tickets and I would adore it if you joined me!” Rey smiled widely, her eyes dancing with excitement.

“I’d love to!” she beamed, “I’ll just go and get my things then. I’d like to have a bath before I get ready!” She kissed Ben once more before skipping back into the tent, the Mother and Son duo watching her as she left.

Leia turned back to Ben, her face serious.

“I swear to God, Ben. I don’t want to hear a word about what you do tonight…and if your actions hurt that girl, I’ll kill you myself. Am I clear?”

“Crystal,”

00000

He had kissed her ardently, wishing her a wonderful time with Leia, telling her how beautiful she looked in her midnight blue gown and cream coloured fur wrap with matching silk gloves.

It was shortly after he had met with Finn and Poe, making their way to the meeting location near the meat packing district in New Jersey. It was a long trip and he hoped he would make it home before Rey did.

“Where is this place anyway?” Finn asked as the carriage rolled along the dark streets.

“Meat packing district,” Ben muttered, “Mainly warehouses, that kind of thing…”

“And your sure nobody is going to be around?” Poe asked nervously.

“I’m sure. This time of night? It’s going to be just us,”

The time of night and the fact that Ben had sent money ahead to pay off the night shift workers to make themselves scarce. It wasn’t the first time those men had taken a bribe to get out of the way and he assumed it wouldn’t be the last. If there was anywhere in New York for what they were about to do, it was here.

The carriage pulled up outside the complex, a group of large warehouses all bunched together near some docks, and the men exited, Ben telling the driver that he would meet him at a different part of the town.

They walked in silence past the dark buildings, nothing but the odd lamp to light their way while Poe’s eyes darted nervously around him. Suddenly, from the side of the last building a man stepped forward, gruff and bearded, scars running along either side of his mouth.

“Right on time,” he said, his thick Irish accent colouring his words, “Everything is ready for you,”

“Who are you?” Poe snapped anxiously, and the Irish man regarded him sharply.

“Nobody,” He replied, “Is he going to be a problem?” he asked Ben, who shook his head.

“No. He won’t,”

“Good. Nasty business this. Not everyone has the stomach for it,” he said, “Follow me,”

They walked around the side of the building towards the back-warehouse door and the man paused before he opened it.

“Say, this fella…what did he do? Does he owe you money? Not that it’s any of my business, jobs a job…but I’m always curious,” he said, his voice almost too casual for Poe’s liking. Ben’s left eye twitched, Finn’s jaw clenching.

“He’s a rapist, a child molester…and he hurt someone I love,” Ben growled. The Irish man looked grave, nodding his head.

“Well…best not keep you gentlemen then,”

The door to the warehouse was pushed open and immediately their noses were assaulted with the smell of raw meat from the various crates. Old animal blood stained the floor and some sections of the walls. Their contact lead them through the maze of crates and shelving until they reached another, smaller room that Ben immediately recognised as a butchery room.

He smiled nastily. His contact did good work.

His contact opened the door to the room, allowing Finn and Ben to walk inside but Poe shook his head.

“I’m going to wait out here until it’s done,” he said stonily, “This isn’t my fight,” The Irish man only shrugged, telling him he could suit himself.

The room was tiled from floor to ceiling, a drain in the centre of the floor for the animal blood to drain through. Plutt was hanging in front of them, his feet barely touching the floor as he was suspended by his bound hands by one of the meat hooks. Hearing the door, he looked up, his face already black and blue, his right eye already swollen over.

“Who the fuck are you?” he spat, his words slightly slurred from the hits he had taken, “Wait…I know you…Finn?!”

Finn’s eyes were cold as ice as he stepped towards the large, odious man hanging in front of him. Ben kept himself back, his fists tightly clenched at his sides, allowing Finn his own moment of victory.

He had waited so long for this. Since he had first laid eyes on Plutt when he had arrived into his care as an early teen, he had imagined what it would be like to finally get his hands on him, to make him feel as helpless and terrified as the children he had terrified.

“Bet you never thought you’d see me again huh?” Finn sneered, “I’ve spent so many sleepless nights thinking about this…”

Without any further warning, Finn swung, his right fist connecting solidly with Plutt’s face, shattering his nose and spraying blood across his face, down his chin, dripping onto the white tiled floor. Finn smiled vindictively, shaking out the ache in his hand while Plutt groaned.

Ben slowly removed his coat, followed by his shirt, leaving him only in his white vest and dress trousers as he sauntered forward, picking up the knife that was on the table.

“And you?” Plutt groaned, “Who the hell are you? What do you want with me?!”

Ben tilted his head up slightly to look the man in the eye.

“Do you remember a girl in you had in your care?” he said quietly, “She arrived to you when she was only 14 years old. Her name was Rey…”

The man’s dull eyes opened as wide as they were able to, recognition dawning on him and he shuddered.

“I didn’t touch no girl!” He protested, “I didn’t do anything!”

“Bullshit!” Finn shouted, and Ben’s head tilted to the side as he examined the man.

“She was 15 years old…and you tried to rape her,” he growled, waving the blade in front of Plutt’s face, “If it wasn’t for my friend here, you’d have succeeded…and from what I’ve been told, she was just one of many young girls you terrorised,”

“Come on now…let’s be reasonable here…URGH!”

He screamed in pain as Ben spun the blade in his hand, swinging it forward to sink into Plutt’s bicep, the blade easily slicing through the soft skin of the man’s inner arm, blood pouring from the wound down his pale skin and clothes.

“I don’t want to hear any more lies or excuses!” Ben snapped, “As far as we’re concerned, you’re no better than a parasite feeding on the weak to try and make yourself seem strong…and that ends. Tonight,”

“Yes, yes! I’ll do anything you want,” Plutt wailed, tears streaming down his desperate face, “Please just let me go…let me live!”

“Now, what kind of husband would I be if I did that?”

He wrenched the knife from the hanging man’s arm in a savage action, swinging again to sink into the other arm, relishing in his scream. Oh yes, he was going to make sure this hurt. The last thing Plutt would feel before the light left his eyes was to be hopeless terror, knowing that Rey would live, knowing that a man who loved her with every fibre of his being was the reason for all of this.

Karma was a bitch.

They took turns, Finn and Ben, swinging, cutting, taunting as they went, both of their hands split and bruised from the impact. It didn’t matter. Their hands would heal.

Ben felt like he was drunk, a hazy, red mist clouding his vision while something primal and savage boiled through his blood as he purged himself of every dark desire he had towards the man since Rey had told him her past. His hands shook with adrenaline, his teeth bared like a wild animal and he was amazed he hadn’t simply sunk his teeth into Plutt’s neck for all the control he was keeping.

A sharp knock on the door told them it was almost time to go. The nightshift workers would be returning soon, his money only buying them so much time.

He thought of her trapped under him, crying and screaming and begging to be set free and it made him feel dizzy all over again.

But that wasn’t her now.

_Rey_

His Rey was vibrant and effervescent. She spread warmth and hope everywhere she went. She was so _light_. Ben looked down at his hands, bruised, shaking and covered in blood. The same hands that held her own, that traced patterns on her naked skin in the night. How could he hold something so light and good now? Now that he had allowed so much darkness to seep through.

He could kill Plutt…but was he willing to sell his soul to do it?

Not when the cost was so high.

“Ben, come on…let’s finish this!” Finn growled, still at the height of his blood lust.

Ben dropped the knife in his hands to the red patterned floor with a clatter, walking over to the sink in the corner and rinsing his hands quietly. The only sounds in the room were the groans from Plutt and his own ragged breathing.

“Ben?!”

He shook his head, collecting his shirt and coat in his arms. He looked at Plutt once more, bloodied and looking more than ever like a carcass ready for the butcher, then he looked at Finn.

“I’m done now,” Ben said flatly, “This man is yours,” Finn nodded gravely, picking up the knife.

 He walked out of the room, Poe and his contact on either side of the door waiting silently.

“Done?”

“I’m done,”


	20. Chapter 20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben returns home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Giving into the darker side. Have some sexy time ;)

[](https://imgur.com/zzNQXFM)

Something was very wrong.

Rey woke with a jump, the darkness of her bedroom looming over her. Her hand shot out feel the side of the bed next to her, cold and achingly empty. Leia had told her Ben had gone to deal with some business on the far side of town and would likely not return until deep into the night, but she had expected him to return hours ago.

She hadn’t meant to fall asleep. She was going to wait up for him, read in bed until he returned so she could tell him about her beautiful evening. Eventually her eyes drifted closed, her book abandoned to the side and the lamps finally burned themselves out.

Sitting up in bed, she looked around her, hearing something move in the sitting room. A chair scraping against the wooden floors.

“Ben?” She called out, her voice shaking slightly.

What if it wasn’t Ben? What if there was a stranger in their home and he wasn’t there to help her?

She inhaled deeply, swinging her legs from the side of the bed and pulling on a robe over her nightdress so she could slowly walk through to investigate.

Rey breathed a sigh of relief when she reached the doorway seeing that it was only Ben sitting there in the leather armchair next to the fireplace.

“Ben?” she called again softly but he didn’t respond.

He sat hunched forward, his elbows leaning on his knees and his eyes cast to the ground. In his hands he was cradling a glass of liquor.

Rey frowned. He was only wearing his vest with his dress pants, his braces pulled off his shoulders, but it was his hands that made her gasp under her breath. They were covered in blood, dark, dried blood.

He still hadn’t acknowledged that she was in the room with him.

“Ben? Talk to me, what’s happened?!” Rey ask in a panic, rushing forward and dropping to her knees in front of him.

His eyes finally glanced up at her, as if waking from a trance and he frowned apologetically.

“You should be sleeping,” He mumbled roughly, “Sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you love. Go back to bed,” Rey shook her head.

“I woke up and you weren’t there,” she said, “and now I find you here, like this and you’re telling me to go back to bed? Not a chance! Ben, where were you? What’s happened?!”

He stared at her wide, innocent eyes, imploring him to tell her the truth. They had agreed they would always be honest with each other, that they wouldn’t hide anything, but could he really tell her how far he had fallen? How he had allowed a darkness to swallow him for even the briefest of moments?

When he thought back over his actions, he felt sick, he needed the alcohol to calm his nerves. If she was going to marry him, she deserved to know.

“Rey…I’m not a good guy,” Ben said quietly, “Before you met me, at college…I was part of a fraternity and a particular group. The knights of Ren they called us. We weren’t good people, we extorted, we got into fights…we hurt people for our own gain…”

“Why are you telling me this?” Rey asked in confusion and Ben drained his glass, setting it down on the table next to the chair. He wanted to reach out and hold her, the contact would make his confessions so much easier but staring down at the blood on his hands, he pulled back.

“Because you told me your truth…and you deserve to know mine. So, you can decide if you still…want me,”

“Ben, I love you! I’ll always want you…nothing you can tell me will change that!”

A humourless laugh left his mouth, scoffing at her words. People had told him that before.

“I turned by back on all of it. I studied hard, I cut off ties with all those men and it’s a good thing I did. Most of them are in jail now, or worse,” he continued, “but…then you told me about Plutt…”

Rey’s face hardened, her eyes filling with guarded caution.

“What about him?”

“I wanted to let it go, I really did but…I couldn’t, especially when you told me he was still around. That he was still looking after children! So…I found him…”

Rey stood slowly, her eyes focusing on his bloodied and bruised hands.

“Ben, what did you do?”

“Finn and I, we…made sure he knew exactly what it was like to feel helpless,” he answered carefully. She didn’t need to know the exact, grizzly, details.

“Did you…kill him?” she whispered, her eyes, brimming with tears, finding his and begging for the truth. He shook his head.

“Finn dealt the final blow,” he said firmly, suddenly standing up, dismayed that she backed away from him. “I went somewhere so dark tonight, somewhere I haven’t been in a long time, I was so angry, but I thought of you and how good you are and how much I love you…It pulled me back…I couldn’t…I just couldn’t do it…”

“You or Finn…it doesn’t matter…” Rey cried in horror, “You both tortured someone…you killed him…”

“He hurt you…”

“and that’s how it’s always going to be?!” Rey shouted in distress, “Do I now need to always worry that if someone crosses me you’re going to beat them half to death? Or _worse?!_ ”

“No!” Ben cried, “but he couldn’t be allowed to carry on! Rey, it wasn’t just you…there were countless others…”

“You keep telling yourself that,” She sighed, “I…I don’t know what to make of all this…”

They stood apart from each other, Rey’s arms wrapped protectively around herself as she took him in. There was blood splattered down his white vest, his hair was messy, but his dark eyes were desperate, begging her to forgive him, to tell him that he was good.

“Rey…please…” he whispered softly, holding his hand out to her. He couldn’t advance on her, he wouldn’t back her into a corner. That would make him no better than those who had hurt her. No, she had to choose him. She had to come to him.

She blinked down at his hand, still covered in darkening, drying blood.

“Please…” he asked, his voice no louder but all the more insistent. Rey shook her head.

“I…I need…I can’t right now,” she stammered, turning to walk from the room.

“Rey, please don’t go!” She stopped, without turning back to look at him.

“Go and clean yourself up Ben,”

00000

Rey padded back to their bedroom in a daze, closing the door firmly behind her.

In the distance, faintly, she heard the sound of running water. He must have been taking her suggestion to clean up. Perhaps it would be easier to see him again when he wasn’t covered in another man’s blood, when he didn’t smell like sweat and death.

His confession about his past, things he had done in his younger days didn’t disturb her as much as she had assumed it would. Nobody was so pure. He had turned his back on it all and that was the main thing, until tonight that was.

Then he was there, his eyes glassy and haunted, telling her he had tortured someone. Even if he hadn’t been the one to finish it, he had been there. He was part of it. It wasn’t the first time she had seen violence from him. The protestors and that man who had tried to attack her, Ben had protected her from both. Both those were reactions. He hadn’t been the one to seek out the violence.

Rey hated Plutt. There was no other emotion to describe how she felt about the man. Hate. Pure, unadulterated hatred. It had taken her so long to block out the nightmares he had caused her, to forget the feel of his body pressing down on hers, his clammy hands on her skin. She’d have been lying if she hadn’t had those dark fantasies herself about killing him and the world really would be a better place without him.

She paced their bedroom, her mind racing as quickly as her pulse. She wasn’t afraid of him, not Ben. Even in his darkest moments she knew he wouldn’t hurt her. Not her. What was it she was feeling? She was horrified that he had gone to such lengths, yes, but it wasn’t her primary emotion and the confusion was driving her mad.

_You’re not confused…you know exactly how you feel…_

He had killed _for_ her. Without her asking him to, he had gone out like a dark angel of vengeance and exacted his own brand of justice. It lit something inside of her that she didn’t want to admit to herself. She stopped, gripping her gut as a heat bloomed in her.

What kind of monster was she? Was she really getting turned on at the idea of her man _killing_ for her?

A conversation she had been part of with a few of the other girls around the circus suddenly popped into her head, about men and what was attractive. The consensus was that a man had to be a gentleman. Polite, well spoken, well read, able to hold a good conversation and all the other chivalrous acts but there was more to it than that. There was nothing more attractive than knowing your man could take care of you. In _all_ ways.

Ben Solo was a gentleman.

00000

She hadn’t left the apartment, Ben knew that much, and he took it as a good sign. She needed space, she needed time to come to terms with what he had done. With what he was capable of.

It wasn’t the first time she had seen violence from him, but he knew this time was different. He had gone looking for it. He had gone to the lengths to cause someone deliberate pain. Even if it was what the man had deserved, it didn’t make it any easier to swallow.

The hot water stung as he sunk down into the bath tub, the clear liquid already clouding as the sweat, grime and blood soaked off his skin. He could see just to the extent his knuckles were bruised and they weren’t nearly as bad as he had suspected. Finn had been the one to swing with his fists more than Ben had.

Ben had preferred the knife.

Did she think differently of him now? His heart had frozen as she had backed away from him, wariness in her hazel eyes. It wasn’t outright fear, that much was certain, but she was unsure as she had looked at him and he had been desperate to touch her, to pull her into his arms and reassure her that he was still the same man she knew. He was still Ben.

The bath water was a murky colour by the time Ben was finished and he pulled himself out, grabbing a towel to dry his skin and remove most of the moisture from his hair before he pulled his robe on. The blood-stained clothes were forgotten in the corner of the room. He would get them later.

He wandered to the sink, staring at himself in the mirror above it. He didn’t look any different. There were no scars that had suddenly appeared, his eyes less haunted than when he had arrived home and he wondered if finally washing the last traces of his deed from his skin helped but for all he was clean, he wouldn’t feel whole until he knew that Rey was alright.

Would she even want to see him?

Deciding there was no time like the present and that he could hardly just stay in the bathroom, Ben carefully walked towards their bedroom.

He pushed the door open slowly, surprised to find that she was still standing, her back to the door as she looked out the window at the moonlight and the city below them. She had heard him, he had seen her shoulders move ever so slightly at the sound.

What could he say? That he was sorry? It would have been a lie. He wasn’t sorry at all, he would do it all again if he had to. The only thing he felt sorry about what that she was upset now and that was far different than regretting the action. Suddenly, her voice cut through the silence, catching him off guard.

“Is he really dead?” she asked. There was no accusation in her voice, or disgust and she was so soft he was unsure if he had heard her.

Slowly he walked towards her, his head tilting quizzically.

“Yes,”

“You did it for me,” It wasn’t a question but a simple statement of truth. He was an arm’s length away from her, unsure if he had permission to reach out and touch her.

“I’d do anything for you,”

She spun around to face him, his eyes shining in the pale white light that illuminated part of their rooms and she analysed his features. His eyes were so open and honest but everything about his facial expression now radiated strength, a far cry from the shock he was experiencing when he had first arrived home.

He had killed for her and he would do it again if he had to.

Her breath stuck her throat, inhaling sharply through soft, open lips as the sudden heat of desire surged through her. It was illogical to her. He had just confessed to something horrific, something that should have alarm bells in her head ringing, that should have red flags waving in front of her, but it didn’t. Because she knew, deep down, that this darkness didn’t scare her. If anything, it excited her, and she almost wanted to laugh at the ludicrous notion.

What the hell did that make her?

He had expected crying, shouting, harsh words or to at least have to explain himself over and over again until she could understand his point of view. He had _not_ expected to see her eyes darkening with want and certainly not to have to quickly catch her as she threw herself against him, her lips attacking his with a ferocity he had barely experienced from a woman.

Her arms wrapped firmly around his neck, pulling him to her. He smelled freshly of soap, traces of his actions washed away but the bruises on his hands remained.

He returned her kiss ardently, relief that she wasn’t turning him away flooding his body feeling her hands pull at the hair on the back of his neck, her teeth nipping at his lower lip. He groaned against her mouth as her hips pressed against him.

There was an underlying desperation in her actions. All at once she understood his need to have her near, to douse the fear that the person you loved could be taken from you. What if he had been hurt or if he was caught? It didn’t bare thinking about. She needed to feel him whole and alive.

Her touch was bruising against his skin, tugging the robe from his body, her hands trailed his muscular shoulders. He was helpless against her, unsure how to proceed, if he had permission to disrobe her as she had him. He was following her lead, allowing himself in a grateful haze to be pulled and pushed down onto the bed.

With a frustrated gasp she pulled off her own robe, her satin nightdress being pulled over her head and she joined him on the bed completely bare, crawling up his body to capture his lips again in a frantic kiss that was teeth and tongues, nipping at his bottom lip causing him to groan.

Her pulsing, wet heat pressed against his achingly hard cock as she straddled him, his hands fisting in her hair at the sensation.

“Say it again,” she demanded breathlessly, the feeling of his throbbing erection so close to her sucking the air from her lungs, “I need to hear it,” He pulled away, his eyes dark with desire and possession.

“I’d do anything for you,” he growled. A promise so visceral and intense that it took her breath away all over again. His head quirked to the side, a strange kind of alpha instinct pulling at him as he realised what was driving her behaviour. Tugging her hair to bring her ear closer to his lips, his tongue traced its shell before he whispered, his voice rough and low.

“I’d kill for you,”

Her instincts should have been telling her to run, that the man under her had a dark side that should have disgusted her. Instead, the fire inside her was threatening to consume them both. He would protect her always, he would keep her safe and hell mend _anyone_ who tried to come near her.

She took him inside her with painstaking slowness, both moaning loudly as her slick, tight heat wrapped around him. Both remained still, their breathing ragged as they stared at one another with eyes black with lust and ownership.

Slower still, she began to move, rocking her hips with deliberate motion as she gazed at him, watching as his eyes rolled back, fluttering closed. She moaned in turn, his large hand coming forward to palm her sensitive flesh, his thumb grazing her clit as she moved.

Beautiful. He forced his eyes open to gaze up at her through their combined pleasure, watching as she fucked herself on him, her breasts bouncing with the motion as she picked up their pace. He wouldn’t last, not the way she was working him, but he could tell as her breath began to come in short pants that she was close when he circled her harder.

“Look at me Rey,” he commanded, but she was too lost in the sensations to hear him, “Look at me,”

It was only when he removed his hand, ceasing the motion that her eyes opened, a frustrated whine leaving her throat.

“That’s it sweetheart, look at me. I need you to hear me,” he panted, “I’m yours. You’re mine. I’ll protect you from anyone, you hear me?”

She could only nod frantically, keening as he returned to the soaked, sensitive bundle of nerves. The cry that left her was raw and real as her orgasm shook her, vibrating through her thighs, her walls clenching around him and he came with a rough shout, thick ropes of his release filling her, their combined spend spilling out and sliding down her thighs and over his hips.

She collapsed forward onto his chest, both panting hard as their combined heartbeats began to return to a steady pace. He pressed a kiss to her hair, her forehead and cheeks before capturing her lips with unhurried slowness.

“Tell me…tell me you understand,” Ben pleaded quietly.

“I do,” Rey breathed, pressing her forehead to his, “I’d do anything for you too,”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So Kylo came out to play a little bit...and Rey was into it. Am I putting my own kink into this? Yes, Yes I am. Not sorry!


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am SO sorry for the delay in finishing this story. I began to write my ABO "Baby, It's just biology" as a way to break through some writers block and to explore something different and in the end, it became a monster that took hold and took up all my time!

[ ](https://imgur.com/JdGGcYD)

“So, what do you think?”

Rey stood in the middle of Finn’s new home, the construction on the performer's new cottages finally completed in time for the circus’ opening night. She nodded in approval, looking all around her.

“It’s pretty fantastic,” she agreed.

It was like night and day, the comparison between their old rooms and the new, small buildings. Instead of just being confined to a single room, salvaged and scrounged together from the remnants of the old factory building, Leia had built her performers actual miniature homes. A bedroom with a separate small kitchen, washroom, and sitting area. The decorations were basic, but still high quality and Rey could see that Leia had spared no expense. Luke and Leia truly wanted to give them a home.

“I know it’s basic just now, but Leia said we can obviously make it more our own,” Finn said with a smile, “I’d imagine you’ve got some plans for yours…” the smile slid from his face when he noticed that Rey didn’t look as enthusiastic as he did.

“What’s wrong?”

“Finn…you know I’m not going to be living here, right?” Rey said gently. Finn frowned, confusion etched on his face.

“Well…I mean, I just assumed that you were only there because of the fire…that you’d be coming home,” He sighed, sounding more to Rey like a confused child than a grown man. She reached forward holding his hands.

“Ben and I are getting married Finn, you know that,” Rey said patiently, “And soon. The circus will always be my home, and you’ll always be my family but…Ben is my future and I’m going to stay with him now,”

Finn sighed deeply, his shoulders dropping in defeat as he resigned himself to the truth. He had tried his best to block out the fact that she was going to be leaving him, moving on and letting another man protect her. He trusted Ben, more than he had ever trusted another man around Rey, but that didn’t mean the thought didn’t string.

“I guess I just didn’t want to accept that my little sister would be leaving me,” Rey shook her head.

“I’m not leaving you dummy!” she smiled, “I’m just going to be living with my soon-to-be husband! We’ll still be working for the circus, Ben own’s part of the business after all!”

She paused awkwardly.

“There’s actually something else you should know,” Rey said, watching her friend’s face become guarded, “I know…about Plutt…”

Finn dropped her hands, taking a step back from her, his expression darkening.

“He told you,” he said flatly. There was no accusation in his voice, no malice. He was simply stating the fact and Rey nodded.

“You didn’t see him when he came back that night, he was…haunted by what he had done, by what both of you had done,” she stressed, “He had to tell me and I’m glad he did,”

“And…does it make you think differently about him?” Rey cast her eyes to the floor, pondering her friend's question before she came to her answer, meeting his eyes.

“No,” she said firmly, “He’s still the man I fell in love with and, God this makes _me_ sound like I’m crazy, but now I know he can protect me…truly in all ways protect me, it makes me feel safe,”

“I was the one who finished him you know,” Finn mumbled, and Rey sighed.

“I know you did. You both set out to right a wrong and now it’s done,” she said, “We don’t need to talk about him ever again. Has it given you any peace?”

Finn snorted, rubbing his hands over his face.

“I thought it would, y’know? I thought that’s what I wanted…that if Plutt was gone for good and I was the one to do it then I’d finally be able to make peace with what happened to us but, now all I see is his blood on my hands and I’m still so fucking angry…about everything,”

Rey regarded Finn with sadness and a small amount of pity. While it had taken time, she had been able to deal with the feelings of her abusive childhood, to realize that it didn’t define who she was as a person and, with Ben, she could look towards something so much brighter.

“Finn,” she sighed, “I know it’s hard. _I know,_ but we can’t keep living in the past. We need to look forward, you have so much here. You have people who love you, who care about you. Don’t let yourself become hard like that,”

“I know,” he said quietly, “I do know…it’s just…it’s not been easy. Seeing him again? Brought it all back,”

“Well…it’s time to forget about that now,” Rey said kindly, a determined smile on her face, “We have a show to put on in a few hours and from what Luke has been saying, we’re completely sold out for the next few weeks. People are on waiting lists for tickets!”

Finn pulled Rey into a tight hug, holding her close. He didn’t want to admit it to himself, even when she denied it, but it felt like goodbye. Sure, she was still going to be working with the circus, Ben owning part of the business, but things _were_ going to change. There was no denying that.

They walked arm in arm into the tent to prepare for their show, smiling and talking animatedly about their routine. As they entered the backstage area, Rey smiled shyly at Ben who was standing talking through things with Luke.

She could have sworn she heard the word ‘Zebra’ being uttered.

They were halfway through getting changed when the flap to their dressing area opened.

“Excuse me? Have either of you seen Mr. Skywalker?”

The well-spoken voice made Finn freeze, his mouth hanging open as he stared, entranced by the small woman who had walked inside. She was standing wearing a pale, olive green silk dress, topped by a tweed coat that looked more expensive than the whole of Finn’s new home put together.

“You…you’re…Rose Tico?” he stammered, Rey, stifling a giggle at her friend. Rose blushed.

“Um, yes…I am…” she said. Rey nudged Finn sharply with her elbow.

“Hi, I’m Finn,” he said quickly, “It’s really nice to meet you. Your performance was…amazing,”

“Oh, thank you!” She smiled brightly, “I’ve not really had a chance to meet anyone yet. I heard about the fire, I’m so sorry about it. I guess that’s why Mr Skywalker has been so preoccupied, but he told me to come down today to see his new show…are you two…”

“Yes! We perform on the trapeze,” Rey smiled warmly, “I’m Rey, it’s lovely to finally meet you,”

The smaller woman grinned brightly and suddenly Rey could see that her demeanor was completely altered. She had gone from her polite, almost guarded manner to a bright young woman who seemed thrilled to be talking to someone. Guilt ate at Rey’s chest realizing that there was a good chance the poor girl had been lonely.

“Wow, that sounds amazing, I can’t wait to see it!” she said happily.

Rey noticed from the corner of her eye that Finn was still dumbstruck by the woman. She had seen that look on his face before.

_Oh lord…he’s smitten already…_

“You know, we have a little bit of time before the show…Finn, why don’t you show Rose around a little bit?” Rey suggested innocently, almost breaking when his eyes widened, and a strangled sound escaped his throat.

“That sounds wonderful,” Rose said enthusiastically, “That is…I mean, if you want to…”

“I do!” Finn said quickly, “I mean…yeah, I do…Just let me…”

He grabbed his coat, pulling it on over his outfit. Rey watched in satisfaction as he offered the woman his arm, a pretty blush rising on her cheeks as she accepted. As they moved to leave, Ben pushed the flap of the dressing area aside, walking in and glancing at Finn.

“What was that about?” he asked Rey with an amused, perplexed expression on his face. Rey smiled.

“Oh nothing, just a little bit of fate taking its course,” she quipped, “Did I hear Luke right when I walked past? Are we finally getting those Zebras?”

“Yes,” Ben deadpanned, “We are finally getting Zebras…”

“Don’t look so thrilled about it,” she smiled, wrapping her arms around his neck and kissing him sweetly.

“Let me look at you,” he said, pushing her to arm’s length gently and twirling her around, “You look absolutely breathtaking. I’m a little jealous that the audience gets to look at you,”

“But you’re the only one who gets to take me to bed afterward,” she winked, holding the lapels of his coat, “I was actually thinking about something…”

“What’s that, sweetheart?”

“The wedding. I don’t want to wait anymore…” she sighed, “We’ve been through so much, we’ve waited long enough so…after the show tonight, let’s just go...”

“You want to elope?” he asked. She had expected him to look shocked, horrified at the thought of abandoning all the plans that were being made for them but instead, a slow, beautiful smile appeared on his face.

“Okay…”

“Okay?”

“Okay, let’s do it…let’s go,”

Rey squealed in delight, pulling him to her in a heated kiss, her tongue stroking along his and he groaned at the feeling of her body pressing against his wearing nothing more than a slip of satin.

“Keep that up and you’re not going to make it up onto those ropes,” he growled playfully, his nose nuzzling along her jaw.

“Tempting,” she smiled, “But let’s not draw any attention to ourselves. Come on, you can watch me stretch out before the show starts,

“Because that will help the situation…” he groaned.

Rey giggled, her voice as light as a bell in his ears as she clutched his hand, pulling him out of the tent and towards the ring.

00000

The tent was packed, buzzing with anticipation and excitement as the audience waited for the show to begin, colored lights bathing the fabric of the tent in a riot of a bright rainbow. They could hear the animals in the back preparing to make their entrance and it only heightened the eagerness of the people.

This was how it was meant to be, Luke thought as he stood by the curtain. Smiling, excited faces filled with wonder, wanting to see something unexpected, out of the ordinary. This was what he lived for. He turned, smoothing the fabric of his red coat, fixing his top hat, to see his performers.

They looked so…light. Happy and carefree, finally having been given the fresh start that they all deserved.

“Nervous?” Ben asked him, clapping his uncle on the back. Luke shook his head.

“You know what? No. This is how things were meant to be,”

“Bit of a drastic way to get here…” Ben drawled, and Luke rolled his eyes.

“You know, people are here to see the unusual, so why don’t you show them that by giving them a smile, huh?”

In spite of his uncle’s sarcasm, Ben did smile. Maybe Luke was right, this was how things were meant to be. For the first time in his life, Ben felt like he was somewhere he belonged, and best of all, his family was there right alongside him.

“Well, I’ll leave you to it,” Ben smiled, “I’m going to go and find a good place to stand and watch,”

Ben walked out of the backstage area from the side and out towards the crowd, looking for a quiet place he could stand without being disturbed. It wasn’t going to be an easy task; the place was packed to capacity. Just as he managed to locate an area that looked quiet, a familiar voice called out to him.

“Ben?”

He whirled around to face the woman who had spoken to him, his face paling when his suspicions were confirmed.

“Charity?”

Was she angry? She didn’t look angry. Charity Bennett walked towards him with a shy smile, something akin to sadness in her eyes. Not here, not tonight of all nights. He didn’t want to have an argument. In fact, he had tried his best to forget the whole wedding mess he had caused in the first place.

“What are you doing here?” he asked incredulously. The girl looked around her, taking in the sights before answering.

“I’m here to watch the show,” she said politely, “My parents would kill me if they knew I was here…but I wanted to try and talk to you. I haven’t seen you since…”

“Since…the wedding…

“Right,” she sighed, “I was so mad at you…”

“And you have every right to be,” Ben began but she cut him off with a wave of her hand.

“But your Mother spoke to me and explained what had actually happened,” Charity said, the sad smile still on her face, “Ben, why didn’t you tell me? We could have worked things out, stopped it from getting that far!”

Ben ran his hand through his hair awkwardly.

“I…I didn’t know what I was doing Charity,” he said, “I was so fucked up and hurt and…well, it doesn’t matter now,”

“I suppose you’re right,” she agreed, “I just wanted to let you know that…I’m not angry anymore. In fact, I think things worked out for the best,”

“Really?” Ben said in incredulity, his eyebrows raising in surprise. Charity smiled, a blush rising on her cheeks.

“Yes, really. I…I actually met someone,” she confessed, “You can’t tell anyone, but we’re leaving together…tonight, to be married!”

Ben barked a sudden laugh at the strange coincidence, catching the young woman off guard who only smiled at his reaction, confused.

“What a coincidence, I’m actually doing the same thing,” he said gently, a warm smile on his face. Charity grinned brightly.

“Who would have thought? Two upper-class kids running off to follow their hearts. Society will crumble as we know it!” she laughed. She stepped forward, holding him by the arms and reaching up to kiss his cheek.

“Good luck, Ben Solo,”

“And to you, Charity,”

00000

The show had been nothing less than astounding.

Poe had opened with his animals and BB, performing tricks and amazing the audience with his animal’s obedience and training. More than once, Ben was certain Poe was about to be trampled by his own elephants.

Rey and Finn performed beautifully, swinging through the air but the highlight for Ben had been watching her perform alone on the aerial silk, the long shining red piece of fabric contorting and wrapping around her athletic body as she spun and twirled high in the air. She looked radiant in the single spotlight that shone on her, the glitter in her hair twinkling in the light.

Ben’s heart had leaped to his mouth several times as her routine caused her to fall quickly, only to be caught by the silk again before she hit the ground. He could still remember the day she tumbled from the tightrope and he didn’t want a repeat of that feeling. Really, he only felt relaxed when she was safely on the ground taking her bow. He whistled and applauded with the rest of the people, roses being thrown at her feet as she smiled brightly, clearly loving being back to what she knew best.

Once the show had come to a close, all the performers taking their final bows, Ben was standing with Luke at the curtain waiting for Rey to finish changing when they were approached by a man.

He was impeccably dressed, with well styled red hair and a smug expression on his face. Ben had never met him before, but he instantly rubbed him the wrong way, putting him on the defensive.

“Armitage Hux,” Luke drawled, “Finally decided to grace us with your presence…or at least show your face considering all the things you’ve written about us…”

Hux smiled. There was still an element of arrogance to the man, but it was far less than Luke had expected.

“Gentlemen, I wanted to come and congratulate you,” he said in his thick British accent, “What you’ve done here is…remarkable,”

“Congratulate us? You!?” Luke spat, “Your reviews dogged us for months, it helped spur on those protestors that lead our building being burned down in the first place…”

“How people choose to interpret my words is their own choice,” Hux snipped, “However, you can rest assured, my review of your opening night will be nothing short of praise. It was a triumph!”

Luke couldn’t help himself gawking at the man, speechless, his mouth opening and closing as he tried to find something, anything, to reply with. Ben deciding that his Uncle wasn’t going to be in a fit state to talk any time soon took over.

“Thank you, Mr. Hux,” he said formally, a wary tightness in his voice, “We appreciate you taking the time to visit us,”

“Not at all,” Hux smiled, “You’ll be hearing from me again in the future, I can promise you that!”

Hux walked away from them, Luke still standing in a state of shock. Ben clapped his Uncle on the back.

“Well…what do you know? Miracles do happen,”

00000

The after party was in full swing as the hour grew later.

Circus performers surrounded the huge bonfire, everyone laughing and drinking, a few dancing to the guitar and harmonica that played a happy, face paced tune from Joe and Chewie. Rey watched in a happy haze as she scanned the crowd, her smile growing when she noticed Finn and Rose sitting closely together, talking quietly as if there were no other people around.

She stiffened suddenly, feeling a pair of hands snake around her waist but softened quickly when she smelled the familiar aftershave, Ben’s lips finding her cheek.

“Everything ready?” he whispered in her ear, his hot breath on her skin making her shiver along with the deep timbre of his voice. She nodded.

“I have a bag packed and ready to go,” she replied, keeping her eyes on the party in front of them, “Did you leave a note for Luke?”

“I did. If we leave now, nobody will notice that we’re gone. He’ll get our note in the morning. Come on, let’s go,”

Holding her hand, they slid away into the darkness to fetch their things, the other party-goers blissfully ignorant to their plans to leave silently.

They had made it to the other side of the grounds without raising any suspicion, a carriage waiting to take them out of the city. Ben had just handed Rey her bag and was about to climb on board when a voice stopped him.

“I might have known…”

“Shit…”

“Yup, you’ve been caught Son,” Leia smiled in amusement wandering over to the carriage, “I thought it was a little strange you two couldn’t be found anywhere and then I found your note in Luke’s office…”

“Please don’t be angry Leia,” Rey pleaded, “It was my idea…I just…”

“I’m not angry,” Leia said gently, cutting her off, “If this is what you kids want…then it’s what you want. I just want to see you both happy,”

Ben smiled in relief. Even if his Mother had been angry, he still would have followed through with their plans. It just made life so much easier knowing she was at least a little supportive.

“So…what are you waiting for?” she grinned, “Go! Go and get married then come back and make me some grandbabies!”

Ben grinned, pulling his mother into a crushing hug once more before boarding the carriage and instructing the driver to carry on.

Rey yawned, tucking herself under Ben’s arm, her head resting on his chest.

“Sleep,” he whispered into her hair, “We’ve got time,”

She nodded against him, watching the lights in the street until they began to fade into nothing and as the heavy fog of sleep began to descend, Rey had never felt more at peace.


	22. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 12 Months Later

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Many apologies for this taking SO long to churn out especially since it's such a short finish. Other projects sidetracked me and sadly, not knowing exactly how I wanted this story to end, it took a back seat.
> 
> But our circus kids have their Happy Ever After <3

**12 months later**

Ben paced.

It was all he could do. His body was riddled with anxious energy and any time he stopped to sit down he found himself bouncing straight back up to his feet to start the process again. He pulled his braces up and then down, he rolled the sleeves of his white shirt to his elbows and he paced.

“Ben, you’re going to make a trench,” Poe smirked, “Can you just…sit down?”

Ben threw his friend a withering look which only earned a chuckle.

“She’ll be fine! Women have been giving birth for thousands of years and Rey is tough as they come,”

A rough, strangled cry came from behind the door of the performer's cottage they were using as a delivery room, Ben paling and grabbing his hair in frustration.

A little over a year into their marriage and a year since the circus had re-opened, Rey had announced to news to him that they were expecting. Ben had been thrilled, but the prospect of becoming a father and welcoming a child into their world filled him with trepidation. The circus was loud and exciting, but dangerous. Things were better at their new location; rarely did they have to deal with protestors but that was the least of his worries when they had live animals around.

His mother, Leia, had been incandescent in her happiness. Luke had been thrilled and every other person in their circus family doted on Rey more so than they already had. In a way, it wasn’t just Rey and Ben that were going to be parents. Everyone felt like they had a place in their baby’s life, eager to shower the child with a love that most of them were so cruelly denied.

There wasn’t going to be a child in the world who would be more cared for.

“Still pacing huh?” Luke commented as he approached, handing a cup of coffee to Ben. His nephew accepted the steaming mug with shaky hands. They were going on 8 hours since Rey’s water broke, and it had been 3 since the strange little midwife Leia had fetched for kicked all the men out of the room.

“I just…God, I feel sick,” Ben moaned, bringing the coffee to his lips without taking a sip. Even the smell was making his stomach churn, every groan and shout coming from behind the door. She would be fine right? His mother was there, a midwife was taking care of things. Theoretically, there was nothing to worry about.

Except the small matter of his wife screaming in pain behind a locked door and him helpless to do anything about it.

“I remember the night Leia had you, you know,” Luke said, taking his place next to Poe, “Han was exactly the same,”

Ben frowned. He hadn’t spoken to his father since the day of his abandoned wedding and he didn’t plan to. As far as he was concerned, Han Solo had made his bed and now he was lying in it. Alone.

“Where’s Finn, I thought he of all people would be here?” Poe said, looking around him. The circus grounds were busy with people, all carrying on with their day having been told that standing outside Rey’s room wouldn’t make the process move any faster. Occasionally someone would come over for an update, reporting to the rest of the cast.

“He’ll be here. He was on his way with Rose as soon as someone sent word,”

A loud, guttural scream echoed past the door, every man outside freezing in horror until the sound bled into the most beautiful thing Ben had ever heard.

His baby taking its first breath.

A stunned laugh escaped him, but his body was still tense until minutes later when Leia emerged with a bright smile on her face and tear tracks on her cheeks.

“Mom?”

“It’s a girl,”

“And Rey?”

“Is completely fine, son. Exhausted, but both mother and baby are healthy,” Leia smiled.

Poe jumped to his feet, shaking the stunned man’s hand in congratulations before running out to grounds.

“It’s a girl! Rey and Ben have a baby girl!” He screamed, the rest of the performers and circus hands clapping and hollering in their own celebration.

Ben barely heard them as he pushed into the cottage.

In the bedroom, Rey had been propped up on the bed surrounded by a mountain of blankets and pillows. He stood in the doorway dumbstruck, staring in awe at the sight. She looked as exhausted as his mother had said, her face still slightly pink and blotchy from the effort, tendrils of hair still stuck to her sweaty face.

In her arms, wrapped in a soft white blanket, was the tiniest human he’d ever seen. She looked up to see him with a dozy smile.

“Come and meet your daughter,”

On shaky legs he approached the bed, sitting on the edge, his arm coming around her shoulders and he pressed a kiss to her temple.

“I love you,” he breathed, “I’m so proud of you,” She snuggled closer to his body, both their eyes still fixed on their daughter’s face.

The infant blinked up at him with dark, unfocused eyes. She couldn’t see him, being minutes old, but he had never felt more vulnerable. Reaching out, he stroked her cheek.

“Hey there little starlight,” he cooed, “I’m your daddy and you’re going to grow up to look just like your mommy which is good because you have the most beautiful mom in the whole world,”

“Charmer,” Rey smiled sleepily, “We still need to give her a name,”

“Hope,” Ben said, “I think her name is Hope,”

“I like it,” Rey agreed, “Hello Hope, welcome to the world. We’ve got so many amazing things to show you,”

This was how things were meant to be. It wasn’t how much money he could make, or how society saw him. All he cared about now was his wife and the beautiful little girl nestled safely in her arms.

Ben was home.


End file.
